Getting high

[rachybee]

I've started to get high everyday the last couple days to get my mind to shift from my suicidal mind.

But - whilst I am currently / I can't help but think as I can't feel anything this would help with my CTB. Being high.

There are so many options to choose from to do it currently. But I want a definite method not a fk up like I have been.

I've no one to talk too. I did have my cpn but I annoy the fk out of her and I think she's honestly sick of hearing my shit all the time. Ended up hanging up on her today as I could hear she was at home and someone came in and I was worried about speaking how I felt because they'd hear her reaction etc and I just felt self conscious.

Random post sorry

 

[Randy Savage]

Please don't start getting high frequently. It doesn't help with suicidal thoughts, only distracts you.

I smoke weed myself so I'm not passing any judgement when I say this, but excessive amounts of low-tier drugs like pot or pills is 100% a way to fuck up your life if you are depressed. In this situation, you are using it like the "I'll do it tomorrow" of your emotions, and that is incredibly unhealthy as a passively suicidal person. This life sucks but it could very well suck more if you develop an unhealthy relationship with drugs.

 

[cryptoinvestor]

lsd helped me get out the funk, psychedelics are the only drugs i touch while dealing with suicidal ideation but right now im so scared to even touch it

 

[rachybee]

Please don't start getting high frequently. It doesn't help with suicidal thoughts, only distracts you.

I smoke weed myself so I'm not passing any judgement when I say this, but excessive amounts of low-tier drugs like pot or pills is 100% a way to fuck up your life if you are depressed. In this situation, you are using it like the "I'll do it tomorrow" of your emotions, and that is incredibly unhealthy as a passively suicidal person. This life sucks but it could very well suck more if you develop an unhealthy relationship with drugs.

It feels much better than my usual reality though. That's what I'm finding. I'm just exhausted with the constant ctb thoughts - hell I have 26 open pages in phone about it and methods.

I know others feel the same. I'm not trying to be special btw.

Just tired.

 

[divinemistress36]

lsd helped me get out the funk, psychedelics are the only drugs i touch while dealing with suicidal ideation but right now im so scared to even touch it

I have a friend who microdoses lsd says its help

 

[dontwakemeup]

It feels much better than my usual reality though. That's what I'm finding. I'm just exhausted with the constant ctb thoughts - hell I have 26 open pages in phone about it and methods.

I know others feel the same. I'm not trying to be special btw.

Just tired.

He's just trying to help you. You don't want to go down the road of addiction, it's a terrible road. I would highly suggest you ask your Dr for medication to help you deal with whatever your going through.

We all are suffering but that path will cause your more troubles than you already have. Be strong

 

[Undertow Mermaid]

I do edibles every day. I don't do anything with my life -- I'm just a depressed loser with almost no friends or anyone left who gives a fuck.

If you get addicted which yes you 100% can get addicted to weed. It will consume your life and it's a bitch to quit, not like painful or anything for your body, just mentally you'll want to go back to the sweet numbness it offers.

I wish I could go back and smack that bong out of 14 year old me's hands. Shit hasn't helped it only smothers the depression.

 

[Randy Savage]

It feels much better than my usual reality though. That's what I'm finding. I'm just exhausted with the constant ctb thoughts - hell I have 26 open pages in phone about it and methods.

I know others feel the same. I'm not trying to be special btw.

Just tired.

I get it. Like I said, I smoke myself so I'm not passing any judgement. And it's okay to want some relief from horrible thoughts.

I'm just putting it out there that drugs don't fix suicidal ideation. At best, you're practicing escapism and at worst, you're messing with your body's chemical receptors as someone who is likely to have a chemical imbalance. I'm sure you are capable of making the right choices for your own life, but I also realize that suicidal ideation is a powerful force in a person's reasoning, and maybe you should give yourself a set schedule to use drugs as a reward rather than "I like to get high when I feel like shit, every day is shitty, therefore I will be high every day."

 

[rachybee]

I get it. Like I said, I smoke myself so I'm not passing any judgement. And it's okay to want some relief from horrible thoughts.

I'm just putting it out there that drugs don't fix suicidal ideation. At best, you're practicing escapism and at worst, you're messing with your body's chemical receptors as someone who is likely to have a chemical imbalance. I'm sure you are capable of making the right choices for your own life, but I also realize that suicidal ideation is a powerful force in a person's reasoning, and maybe you should give yourself a set schedule to use drugs as a reward rather than "I like to get high when I feel like shit, every day is shitty, therefore I will be high every day."

This makes sense. I am the latter currently but it might be a good idea to stop before I get too reliant. It's just so nice.

 

[-less-]

This makes sense. I am the latter currently but it might be a good idea to stop before I get too reliant. It's just so nice.

It is really nice. I was getting high every day for a few months and stopped a few weeks ago. It does make it easier to get through the moment to moment pain while you're high, but it also makes it harder to do the things that can make you feel better long term while you're high. It became a habit for me, and I didn't want to finally get the motivation and energy to start working on some of my harder issues only to be foiled by having to break a weed habit first, so I chose to try and break it now while it's still just a new habit. I'm not judging at all and I'm not under any impression that I know what's right for you with what you're going through in life, I just wanted to offer the perspective of how that's been going for me. It's a lot easier to prevent a habit than to break one.

 

[3/4Dead]

as others have said, weed is great but dont let it become a crutch. use it as a tool imo, everything in moderation.

I mitigate this for myself by not buying pot, only get it if it's offered to me, don't keep it in my living space. I don't think about it everyday, dont do it everyday, and i give myself some time before choosing to engage in it.

 

[CacklingZombie]

Please don't start getting high frequently. It doesn't help with suicidal thoughts, only distracts you.

I smoke weed myself so I'm not passing any judgement when I say this, but excessive amounts of low-tier drugs like pot or pills is 100% a way to fuck up your life if you are depressed. In this situation, you are using it like the "I'll do it tomorrow" of your emotions, and that is incredibly unhealthy as a passively suicidal person. This life sucks but it could very well suck more if you develop an unhealthy relationship with drugs.

"I was gonna ctb, but I got high…"

Relatable.

 

[rachybee]

Not even midday and I'm high again. I feel nothing which is good.

I'm forgetting what I spoke to my cpn about yesterday but I know I hung up cos I'm a lot. And yea.

I wish I could ether click fingers and all would be ok or I could just ctb today. I'm thinking of ways other than things I obv haven't got yet.

I can't click my fingers and fix things. It's been too long too.

Gonna take some more stuff and then maybe lie down. I'm not sure.

 

[rachybee]

I forgot how much better I could feel doing this. My sh urges have been so so strong - and wanting to just so it where I'd need stitches but I'd obv not go. I never get my sh checked unless severe infection.

But damn I want to do it so bad but I feel like I'd not be able to stop myself once I start

Might just take some more edibles and get higher

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

I have come to feel that distraction is the best I can hope for out of life. I regularly use cannabis - vape and edibles. I even use while at work. I have done for years. It's funny, on the occasional times when I'm sober is the time when people notice a difference. This doesn't impact my productivity at all it makes me more comfortable to be around people.

 

[ThatRussianDude]

I get it. Like I said, I smoke myself so I'm not passing any judgement. And it's okay to want some relief from horrible thoughts.

I'm just putting it out there that drugs don't fix suicidal ideation. At best, you're practicing escapism and at worst, you're messing with your body's chemical receptors as someone who is likely to have a chemical imbalance. I'm sure you are capable of making the right choices for your own life, but I also realize that suicidal ideation is a powerful force in a person's reasoning, and maybe you should give yourself a set schedule to use drugs as a reward rather than "I like to get high when I feel like shit, every day is shitty, therefore I will be high every day."

They actually prescribe Ketamine for depression. Even Elon Musk takes it.

 

[rachybee]

Well I'm high again. It's not even 10.30am. I feel calmer. I do have a v high I want to ctb today what have I got get.

But dunno if I have enough.

Also I'm worried about a welfare check due to ordering SN in uk. Cos I'm stupid. So if the police do turn up the. I need to not look high tho my eyes are heavy.

Gotta wait for DMC to deliver it
M

They actually prescribe Ketamine for depression. Even Elon Musk takes it.

fron how it sounds I wish I were prescribed this

 

[3/4Dead]

"I was gonna ctb, but I got high…"

Relatable.

 

[astr4]

i mean, i certainly won't say it's a great idea, but as an addict myself i will say this: i'm still alive. even if it's just to get high another day, i'm still alive. if popping that pill or taking that hit is the one thing that is keeping you going right now, i think that's okay. it's harm reduction in my eyes. it's keeping you from doing something drastic. at least you have a "tomorrow" where there's the possibility of getting better.

just wanna share my take as an addict who doesn't see my addiction as the problem. is it a crutch? yeah. but the longest job i've held down was because i wanted the income for drugs. that was arguably the least suicidal/most functional i've ever been.

 

[bipolar22]

i mean, i certainly won't say it's a great idea, but as an addict myself i will say this: i'm still alive. even if it's just to get high another day, i'm still alive. if popping that pill or taking that hit is the one thing that is keeping you going right now, i think that's okay. it's harm reduction in my eyes. it's keeping you from doing something drastic. at least you have a "tomorrow" where there's the possibility of getting better.

just wanna share my take as an addict who doesn't see my addiction as the problem. is it a crutch? yeah. but the longest job i've held down was because i wanted the income for drugs. that was arguably the least suicidal/most functional i've ever been.

My life was similar while using Alc and pills and smokes. It was horrible because i would make the biggest fool out of myself every time I spoke to friends/family or anyone while drunk/high. I still cringe just thinking about some of the things I said and did. Also my stomach is destroyed even after 18 months sober. I'm in pain everyday. Wish I killed myself before all that.