je.suis.prêt
Hjälp mig
- Jul 9, 2022
- 107
While I still don't have a perfect grip on my life, I think I have come to accept the fact that there comes a point where a recovery requires that one fully embraces the difficulty associated with it.
I complain and vent a lot. As much as I accept that one does need time and space to drop the ball in order to reset them self, there comes a point where a recovery becomes an exercise, a puzzle, an endurance race, and as such, cannot be passive.
I am speaking for myself and myself only, because if this period of my life has taught me anything — which it definitely has — it is about empathy; it can be easy to make judgements on the actions or lifestyle of another, but difficult to see that oneself would behave the exact same way if put in that same situation. I have felt depression; not brushing my teeth, not having a shower, not eating, giving up on myself, and generally not being able to manage myself. So my feelings toward recovery may not apply to others on the same journey as they may be at different stages of recovery, and that is ok.
If I am completely honest with myself, I am good at dropping the ball. Great at avoiding accountability. A master of knowing how to not help myself. So I think it is time for me to take a more active approach to recovery now.
All of the depression and mental health self-help resources preach the importance of eating properly, going outside, and getting exercise. I've read all of that. Hundreds of times. What do I do with that information?
Here's what I do: I eat nothing but cookies and milkybar buttons, never leave the house (bar going to the shop for cookies and milkybar buttons), don't feed myself, and hardly exercise.
So I can't say that the self-help was worthless, because I haven't actually tried to. I just wasn't mentally ready to do what it was telling me to. Now I think I am. I've had enough time to drop the ball. They say you've got to do the right thing for yourself even when you don't want to.
I've never done that before.
This forum has really helped me — I say despite coming somewhat close to killing myself with sodium nitrite. Being able to vent, and talk to others who feel the same way. Being able to offload one's negativity is vital.
Thank you to the mods and others who keep this place going. I wish everyone peace with whatever they choose to do.
Goodbye.
I complain and vent a lot. As much as I accept that one does need time and space to drop the ball in order to reset them self, there comes a point where a recovery becomes an exercise, a puzzle, an endurance race, and as such, cannot be passive.
I am speaking for myself and myself only, because if this period of my life has taught me anything — which it definitely has — it is about empathy; it can be easy to make judgements on the actions or lifestyle of another, but difficult to see that oneself would behave the exact same way if put in that same situation. I have felt depression; not brushing my teeth, not having a shower, not eating, giving up on myself, and generally not being able to manage myself. So my feelings toward recovery may not apply to others on the same journey as they may be at different stages of recovery, and that is ok.
If I am completely honest with myself, I am good at dropping the ball. Great at avoiding accountability. A master of knowing how to not help myself. So I think it is time for me to take a more active approach to recovery now.
All of the depression and mental health self-help resources preach the importance of eating properly, going outside, and getting exercise. I've read all of that. Hundreds of times. What do I do with that information?
Here's what I do: I eat nothing but cookies and milkybar buttons, never leave the house (bar going to the shop for cookies and milkybar buttons), don't feed myself, and hardly exercise.
So I can't say that the self-help was worthless, because I haven't actually tried to. I just wasn't mentally ready to do what it was telling me to. Now I think I am. I've had enough time to drop the ball. They say you've got to do the right thing for yourself even when you don't want to.
I've never done that before.
This forum has really helped me — I say despite coming somewhat close to killing myself with sodium nitrite. Being able to vent, and talk to others who feel the same way. Being able to offload one's negativity is vital.
Thank you to the mods and others who keep this place going. I wish everyone peace with whatever they choose to do.
Goodbye.
