Hey guys. This is my first post on this site that's not about myself. Yesterday I found out that a girl I knew had taken her own life. For context, we weren't really close at all, and we weren't friends at the time of their death as for reasons I'll soon discuss. But I've been thinking about it a lot.
I know that she was in immense agony. Her extreme substance abuse as a youth gave her pretty bad heart conditions, and I recall how she would always post about being in constant pain. About six months ago, she got into a lot of controversies in our local "scene" and was being called a Nazi for weird jokes and behaviors she would make, such as liking and reposting Nazi whistleblower content on IG, owning an "ironic" Nazi memorabilia piece (some sort of hat, iirc), and just not taking the situation seriously enough when accused. She wasn't really a Nazi, she was just dumb and chronically online. But because of these things, she essentially got kicked out and I guess was "socially outcast" out of the scene for a lack of better terms. This is when I quietly unfollowed them and cut ties, because after a lot of consideration I didn't like her actions and didn't wanna be involved. But I still have many close friends that were close with her until the end. And I have a handful of fond memories with her, like my very first time doing K with her and some other friends in the back of my moms car lol.
I don't really know why I'm sharing this or what thoughts I wanna make. This is my first time losing someone I knew to suicide. I donated $50 to her gofundme, and the last thing I wanna do is turn the conversation to one about me. But I guess it's been reshaping my perspective on my own suicidal thoughts. She'd probably think what I'm doing right now is corny and dumb lol. And I guess I'm supposed to be sad for her--I'm definitely sad for her family and loved ones. But she's free from agony. She's free from everything. I'm happy she can rest now.
I know that she was in immense agony. Her extreme substance abuse as a youth gave her pretty bad heart conditions, and I recall how she would always post about being in constant pain. About six months ago, she got into a lot of controversies in our local "scene" and was being called a Nazi for weird jokes and behaviors she would make, such as liking and reposting Nazi whistleblower content on IG, owning an "ironic" Nazi memorabilia piece (some sort of hat, iirc), and just not taking the situation seriously enough when accused. She wasn't really a Nazi, she was just dumb and chronically online. But because of these things, she essentially got kicked out and I guess was "socially outcast" out of the scene for a lack of better terms. This is when I quietly unfollowed them and cut ties, because after a lot of consideration I didn't like her actions and didn't wanna be involved. But I still have many close friends that were close with her until the end. And I have a handful of fond memories with her, like my very first time doing K with her and some other friends in the back of my moms car lol.
I don't really know why I'm sharing this or what thoughts I wanna make. This is my first time losing someone I knew to suicide. I donated $50 to her gofundme, and the last thing I wanna do is turn the conversation to one about me. But I guess it's been reshaping my perspective on my own suicidal thoughts. She'd probably think what I'm doing right now is corny and dumb lol. And I guess I'm supposed to be sad for her--I'm definitely sad for her family and loved ones. But she's free from agony. She's free from everything. I'm happy she can rest now.
