for the people who are almost certain they are going to die by suicide, how do you know?

[singingcrow]

for me

it's because the thought of potentially living for another 60 years makes me start to feel queasy. if i've been trying to fix myself since the age of 13 and now i'm 26 and still not better

how am I ever meant to be?

 

[itsgone2]

I have no desire to live another day let alone decades.
I didn't choose mental illness. But I didn't manage it properly either. It's time to go. I don't know why i haven't yet.
I'm losing my job. My last source of strength. It's over for me. You need to invest time into family, faith, community. I didn't.
I messed up my life. It's just time to go now

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think- when dread of the present and dread of the future is so intense and when there is no avoiding the things you dread- suicide seems like the ideal way out.

While it can't be a certainty for me until I actually do it and succeed- I can't be sure I will overcome SI, in truth- it's more a hope for me that I suicide soon. Because I can't stand the thought of having to get through much more of this life. Additionally- to do it as I grow older.

 

[Forveleth]

I am tired of living. I do not enjoy the idea of existing another several decades. The only solution to this is to kill myself.

 

[thelostautistic]

It's something I've known for a long time. I genuinely can't see myself living a long life

 

[chapitaupe]

For many years I just couldn't imagine a future that is suitable for me, where I'd be finally comfortable and happy living. Since then I can't get the absolute certainty that I will die sooner or later out of my head. At first I really wished I wouldn't have to do anything, that an accident or a sickness would just take me. But I've realized that nothing or no one will do it for me, so I have to take the responsibility of it. Still building up the courage to do it tho

 

[burninghill]

I've been suicidal since I was 13/14 so I think it's just sort of inevitable. I have this idea in my head that I'm SUPPOSED to die by suicide and honestly no part of me is resisting it, so I have no reason to believe otherwise.

 

[tooafraidtodiez]

When you can't imagine yourself in a stress free condition at least a single day and are experiencing physical pain. You know there is no hope left

 

[Yakui]

since i was thirteen i have told myself "ill kill myself before i turn thirty". i have not wavered from this.
i simply cannot see any other way to go out. if i dont suddenly develop some disease or die in some accident, thats how im gonna go out. im certainly not gonna grow old and grey. ive been depressed since childhood, for as long as i can remember. i dont want to take several more decades of this shit.

 

[thefirstluminary]

since i was thirteen i have told myself "ill kill myself before i turn thirty". i have not wavered from this.
i simply cannot see any other way to go out. if i dont suddenly develop some disease or die in some accident, thats how im gonna go out. im certainly not gonna grow old and grey. ive been depressed since childhood, for as long as i can remember. i dont want to take several more decades of this shit.
View attachment 202796

being 30 is not old though
it's so over

 

[cipher the first]

for me

it's because the thought of potentially living for another 60 years makes me start to feel queasy. if i've been trying to fix myself since the age of 13 and now i'm 26 and still not better

how am I ever meant to be?

i am certain because eventually i stopped being able to imagine myself in the future, i dont have a purpose or goal or meaning or ambitions i dont want to marry i dont want kids i dont have an interest in a certain kind of job so ya im certain

 

[BurrowFish]

It keeps coming back.

No matter how many times i take antidepressants, no matter how many times I've went "I'm finally better. I finally dont need to die anymore" , it'll come back. No matter how much I'm scared of going back to the hospital , the thoughts will come back to haunt me.

 

[TransientEternal]

I have no raison d'être. There is no reason to stay, no reason to contribute. Building sandcastles by the shore, knowing the inevitability of the tide.

 

[eggsausagerice]

i'll never fit in or be understood by others so i would rather give up. i also have no life aspirations because i know i won't achieve them. other people can live a more successful life than me while i succumb to my depression and kill myself. that's how the system works.

 

[Tomorrow Is Today]

Eventually I stopped romanticising everything for the sake of keeping up the illusion that it's worth continuing.

 

[divinemistress87]

I can barely do basic tasks and when my parents are dead there is no way I will ever be able to take care of myself alone so ctb one of these days is inevitable

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Because my normal life suddenly turned into something more horrifying than my worst nightmare. There's no way to undo it and no way to accept it. No way back and no way forward.

 

[bugunmasked]

i have had no control over most unfortunate happenings (social development, being born, delayed processing) & it would be a final means of control, for me. i also refuse to get old enough where i'm in & out of the hospital & dealing with frequent pain.

 

[peacebenow]

When you are already dying and need to end the agony.

 

[UserFromNowhere]

I suppose because I've already, in one form or the other, resigned myself to death and accepted my fate. Even if I can't bring myself to end my life now, even as perhaps I'm clinging onto the world, I know it is inevitable one day I will die and I'm perfectly fine with that. Be it by refusal of treatment or taking my own life, I don't feel like I need to sustain my life for the purpose of sustaining it. If I get in an accident or end up with a terminal illness, I'm not going to fight it, I've long since reached the stage of acceptance. I think my only issue is that I haven't yet been able to go through the process of detaching myself from the world and my relationships, as patients with terminal illness do near the end of life, but if I find myself in a situation where I'm going to die, I believe I'd be able to accept it rather quickly.

 

[Kokonoe]

there's some things that i can't live with, but i can't change. continuing to live, and "recover", feels like avoiding it. i can't avoid all of it forever. so i know someday i'll have to kill myself. i can't picture my life ending any other way.

 

[cvroski]

I am unwell. 20 years old, my whole life i felt like an alien, and get treated like one. People will tell me i have a whole life ahead of me. I dont want a life ahead of me. I dont want to exist. I want every trace of me, completely erased. So i overdosed on Oxycodone, my mums cancer meds. I was really close to dying but people found me on time unfortunately. Haven't been able to get my hands on anything now. I dont want to have a painful violent death, because i dont actually hate myself. I dont hate my body, i dont hate who i am. One day.