first post, documenting everything

[comeoutandhauntme]

hey! first ever post on here. came across this site yesterday and realized immediately it was for me. i don't expect anyone to see my posts or really interact with them in any way, but i figured i might as well use this as a way to document my plan and time spent on this website.

i've wanted to ctb for going on 8yrs now, both passively and actively depending on the day honestly. i've always been too scared to acc go thru w anything out of fear of it not working and then having to face my family or become a vegetable. i have nobody irl i feel i can rlly talk to abt this so even just reading posts on this forum has been a big comfort so far.

as of rn i'm thinking of SN, had never even heard of it until coming across this forum yesterday and it seems perfect. the only hurdle would be gathering all of the necessary meds for it but i figure i can make it happen given enough time and money. don't have a specific date in mind yet but ideally aiming for middle-end of may (after my 20th bday). it's at a good time of the year, end of school, and not surrounding any major holidays or life events.

i've always kinda known i wasn't gonna live very long, and the older i got the more it became clear to me i likely wouldn't make it to 21. glad i have this space available to me now to vent, discuss, etc with likeminded people who understand me :)

 

[CatLvr]

Do you mind telling us a little bit about yourself?? Damn, you are awful young to have these feelings but you are not alone here. It always take a little piece of my soul when a kid (no offense, I have grandkids older than you ) says the things you have. I was honestly shocked when I found out SaSu's main group is actually younger -- much younger -- than me.

Anyway, I am sorry you have these feelings. They suck -- it's not like we can get away from ourselves for a day or so, ya know?? But here you have a bunch of people who know exactly how you feel, and won't judge you for it. There is also some resources here that might help you a little. We have people who do get better and then there are some, like me, who fluctuate -- good days, bad days, back to good days. Hopefully we can provide you with some comfort on your bad days. And who knows?? Maybe you will find something here that will help you get better.

Just know that if you do not, and you decide to go ahead and leave, we will also support you. It is not anyone's job to judge what is right or wrong for you -- that is completely up to you. And regardless where you find yourself on this journey, there will be someone here to talk to.

 

[ummagumma]

where are you from? you dont have to answer, im just curious, since you said that you can buy sn... so i assume you are not from the usa or eu...

and (im really sorry for this dumb question), but have you tried therapy? getting help? you deserve to live and to get help after all. ctb is ultimately your decision, but its just so sad to see such a young person go... i just hope that you have really tried everything to fix your life. and if not - please, give it a try

wish you luck anyway! and sn is a solid method indeed

 

[cb7432]

Wow I am turning 20 tomorrow and feel the same way. With a very similar deadline

 

[comeoutandhauntme]

Wow I am turning 20 tomorrow and feel the same way. With a very similar deadline

it is nice to know ur not alone

Do you mind telling us a little bit about yourself?? Damn, you are awful young to have these feelings but you are not alone here. It always take a little piece of my soul when a kid (no offense, I have grandkids older than you ) says the things you have. I was honestly shocked when I found out SaSu's main group is actually younger -- much younger -- than me.

Anyway, I am sorry you have these feelings. They suck -- it's not like we can get away from ourselves for a day or so, ya know?? But here you have a bunch of people who know exactly how you feel, and won't judge you for it. There is also some resources here that might help you a little. We have people who do get better and then there are some, like me, who fluctuate -- good days, bad days, back to good days. Hopefully we can provide you with some comfort on your bad days. And who knows?? Maybe you will find something here that will help you get better.

Just know that if you do not, and you decide to go ahead and leave, we will also support you. It is not anyone's job to judge what is right or wrong for you -- that is completely up to you. And regardless where you find yourself on this journey, there will be someone here to talk to.

ty for the kind words there is not much to say abt me, i am pretty average and boring lol

where are you from? you dont have to answer, im just curious, since you said that you can buy sn... so i assume you are not from the usa or eu...

i am from the us actually, i believe i've found a source of SN i can order although tbh haven't looked deep deep into it so i may be wrong haha

and (im really sorry for this dumb question), but have you tried therapy? getting help? you deserve to live and to get help after all. ctb is ultimately your decision, but its just so sad to see such a young person go... i just hope that you have really tried everything to fix your life. and if not - please, give it a try

not a dumb question at all! i have not, although i don't rlly have a way to access it as of rn. i am not anti therapy and would be open to it should the opportunity arise. ofc it would be nice if it were to take away urge to ctb, however, quite frankly at this moment in time i do not have the patience to begin therapy and wait for progress. maybe this will change, and i wont go thru w my plan, but we'll see.

ty for the kind words

 

[pax420]

hey! first ever post on here. came across this site yesterday and realized immediately it was for me. i don't expect anyone to see my posts or really interact with them in any way, but i figured i might as well use this as a way to document my plan and time spent on this website.

i've wanted to ctb for going on 8yrs now, both passively and actively depending on the day honestly. i've always been too scared to acc go thru w anything out of fear of it not working and then having to face my family or become a vegetable. i have nobody irl i feel i can rlly talk to abt this so even just reading posts on this forum has been a big comfort so far.

as of rn i'm thinking of SN, had never even heard of it until coming across this forum yesterday and it seems perfect. the only hurdle would be gathering all of the necessary meds for it but i figure i can make it happen given enough time and money. don't have a specific date in mind yet but ideally aiming for middle-end of may (after my 20th bday). it's at a good time of the year, end of school, and not surrounding any major holidays or life events.
these messed up
i've always kinda known i wasn't gonna live very long, and the older i got the more it became clear to me i likely wouldn't make it to 21. glad i have this space available to me now to vent, discuss, etc with likeminded people who understand me

Wow I also hate hearing young people having these messed up feelings too. But I know exactly where you are coming from. I started having them when I was around 12 and I didn't expect to make it to 21 neither. But here I am at 56 I've been dealing with them feelings for 44 years. I've gathered up what I need and pickedr my place and time. I'm waiting for my day. I just found SaSu a couple of weeks ago and this is one of the very few positive things I've ever found in my life. The people here are awesome and you'll not be judged here. Whatever way you choose to go they will help you. I have a horrible time trusting people except here. I have a twisted mind and have gained a lot of insight here. I have made up my mind and weighed out my options, I'm 100% sure and I'm good with it. Please find at least one or two people you can trust and talk to them. Really talk to them. Make sure you are choosing the right thing. If you decide to ctb remember once it's done it's done. No turning back be absolutely sure it's what you want. Check out the recovery part too. You might find what you need there. Anyway I wish the best for you and everyone else here.