sadsillygoose
Member
- Jan 2, 2026
- 7
Im 21, and my relatives think this is the right age to get married. I get stressed out because I dont have my shit together, and literally cannot even deal with the thought of this. Im a daydreamer and Im not even joking when I say that I literally cannot even force myself to daydream getting married . I can't even do basic shit, and Im horrible with kids, which my mom blames me a lot for. She literally never complained about it till now. I said "you literally never taught me that and now you are blaming me for not knowing it?" and her response was "because now you are now of age".
Im so angry and its really lame that I wanna end myself just so that I dont have to deal with her and her expectations. My entire fucking family thinks an arranged marriage and then kids is what you are supposed to do in life, or else you are a bad person. Not only you have to do it, but if you are a woman you should want it, even if your in-laws will literally treat you like an animal. My mom is still screaming outside my room comparing me to that one distant relative of mine saying "you are literally lazy like her and you are a dumb, bad person." I dont understand how I'm bad for not wanting to be an unpaid worker, because thats how people in this country view women who become housewives, they think you get married and become a full time housewife because you were dumb and lacked the motivation to get a job. But if you have a job you arent doing your duty of taking care of your family 24/7, so you are a bad person. If you are a woman, you can literally never win.
The difference in the level of me and my parent's thinking is so much that I dont even care anymore. Shit like this used to affect me, because I actually cared about my life and my naive young self thought that my mom or my family could change. Now I dont care that much , I didnt even look at her when she was screaming in my face because no matter what I would do it will never be enough for my mom. I've already failed in every aspect of my life, but I still did not let her words affect me. For the first time in years, I felt like I was in control and I dont know if I should be proud of this, or is this another sign of me being delusional that I have my life together? If she can disrespect me and justify is at saying that "she is just my mom, she cares for me and only does what she thinks is the best for me" then so can I.
I think whats the best for her, is that she doesnt get confronted but comes to her conclusion by herself. I dont care if she grows old and frail and then suddenly realises that she was wrong and that she is sorry, just because she wants my help or is feeling lonely. Im sure she will have a great time because her failure lazy daughter isnt around her anymore, either because I cut her off or I took my own life.
The only thought that bugs me thoroughout this is having kids terrifies me. Not only is giving birth literally traumatizing mentally and physically and I cant even hold a little baby properly let alone take care of one. It makes me feel guilty because I dont want to put anyone in this cruel harsh world and having to deal with an incompentent mom like me. If my child turns out to be anything like me I would blame myself for eternity.
This is probably disorganized and I dont have the energy to proofread so sorry for that.
Im so angry and its really lame that I wanna end myself just so that I dont have to deal with her and her expectations. My entire fucking family thinks an arranged marriage and then kids is what you are supposed to do in life, or else you are a bad person. Not only you have to do it, but if you are a woman you should want it, even if your in-laws will literally treat you like an animal. My mom is still screaming outside my room comparing me to that one distant relative of mine saying "you are literally lazy like her and you are a dumb, bad person." I dont understand how I'm bad for not wanting to be an unpaid worker, because thats how people in this country view women who become housewives, they think you get married and become a full time housewife because you were dumb and lacked the motivation to get a job. But if you have a job you arent doing your duty of taking care of your family 24/7, so you are a bad person. If you are a woman, you can literally never win.
The difference in the level of me and my parent's thinking is so much that I dont even care anymore. Shit like this used to affect me, because I actually cared about my life and my naive young self thought that my mom or my family could change. Now I dont care that much , I didnt even look at her when she was screaming in my face because no matter what I would do it will never be enough for my mom. I've already failed in every aspect of my life, but I still did not let her words affect me. For the first time in years, I felt like I was in control and I dont know if I should be proud of this, or is this another sign of me being delusional that I have my life together? If she can disrespect me and justify is at saying that "she is just my mom, she cares for me and only does what she thinks is the best for me" then so can I.
I think whats the best for her, is that she doesnt get confronted but comes to her conclusion by herself. I dont care if she grows old and frail and then suddenly realises that she was wrong and that she is sorry, just because she wants my help or is feeling lonely. Im sure she will have a great time because her failure lazy daughter isnt around her anymore, either because I cut her off or I took my own life.
The only thought that bugs me thoroughout this is having kids terrifies me. Not only is giving birth literally traumatizing mentally and physically and I cant even hold a little baby properly let alone take care of one. It makes me feel guilty because I dont want to put anyone in this cruel harsh world and having to deal with an incompentent mom like me. If my child turns out to be anything like me I would blame myself for eternity.
This is probably disorganized and I dont have the energy to proofread so sorry for that.
