I'm almost at the 3 months sober mark. My emotions are a bit more manageable now even though still intense. The anxiety has calmed down considerably. I still get depressed but it isn't like it lasts for a long time. I'm having fewer days, where I sabotage, wake up in terrible state and end up not doing nothing.
Music gives me the chills again. I experience intense joy again even though it can be short lived. I'm struggling much less with frequent suicidal ideation although when I'm in temporary low point then I do. I'am more able to be mindful of what I need or if I'm doing something harmful to myself. Be it negative thoughts, or betraying myself in some way.
The NA meetings do help because I'm recognizing that the lack of support and connection to other people makes me overly self involved. The isolation will destroy you. I'm thankful I managed to come off this evil drug. Had I not tossed the pills, I think I would have relapsed but initially I didn't toss them. I finally got confident enough without the pills and got rid of them before I had a chance to relapse.
Music gives me the chills again. I experience intense joy again even though it can be short lived. I'm struggling much less with frequent suicidal ideation although when I'm in temporary low point then I do. I'am more able to be mindful of what I need or if I'm doing something harmful to myself. Be it negative thoughts, or betraying myself in some way.
The NA meetings do help because I'm recognizing that the lack of support and connection to other people makes me overly self involved. The isolation will destroy you. I'm thankful I managed to come off this evil drug. Had I not tossed the pills, I think I would have relapsed but initially I didn't toss them. I finally got confident enough without the pills and got rid of them before I had a chance to relapse.
