Venting Feeling stupid that I'm still here

[asgoodasdead]

Tonight was supposed to be the night I ctb. I marked this date in December but why am I still here? I already have all my materials and practiced. I just need to do it, but I'm scared.

I'm scared of failing or getting saved. Not only that, Im now in a relationship and I don't know how my partner would react. I feel bad they are stuck with me.

I just want the courage to do it now, then everything will be calm. I don't want to wait any longer…

 

[violetforever]

I'm scared of failing or getting saved.

this is my fear too. what is ur method?

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

This feeling of powerlessness accompanies everyone who knows that existence is merely a matter of chance. Just bad luck. Unfortunately, it's the price one pays for not escaping reality like most people do. And I decided to face this reality, but I have to pay the price. Either I interrupt this mechanism that keeps me here, or I'll live a meaningless life, doing things like a programmed automaton. And I've lived like this for 40 years, and there's no way I can't feel like an idiot. But I'm also quite rational about the mechanism that keeps me here. That balances these feelings somewhat.

 

[asgoodasdead]

this is my fear too. what is ur method?

FSH