asty
New Member
- Mar 12, 2026
- 2
last day i felt impulsive and brave enough, i was talking to a friend, seeking for a bit of comfort in the endmost
turns out he snitched to my mom and she hid all of medications
she didn't even mention it to me, it's as if nothing happened
no lecture, no talking, no comfort, no punishment
it's as if she knows that nothing she says will change anything
more recently i found out where she hid everything
it wasn't my original plan, but it's the option i have for now
i feel a very strong urge to do this that i can't understand at all
i don't know how to deal with it because i've always been more restrained and hesitant, fearful
i feel so much agony that i don't know if i can wait a few more days or weeks to order sn and do things properly
since i have an abnormal fear of hurting myself, od seems like the best option
at this point i'm no longer afraid of failing and ending up with sequelae
i also can't feel empathy for how the people around me will be affected by this
i really just want some time unconscious of any thoughts, a bit of peace
it's been almost a month since things went from bad to terrible and it has been torturing me every day
even though some close friends try to help, i can't relate to anything they say, i can't feel anything, it's hard to believe i'll ever get better from this
it's been a few weeks since i've gone silent and left all social media or means of contact
considering no one noticed it's also hard to believe anyone will even miss
this morning i was writing to leave a final note for some friends
but it didn't take long to give up on the idea and think it would be stupid
at this point i don't know if i should leave anything behind
disappearing without any explanation seems better
even though i wanted a bit of comfort in the final moments, i'm slowly realizing i'll die alone with no one around
which scares me and goes against what i wanted, but seems like the right thing to do
i've already tried everything within my reach
nothing working and only making matters worse gives me no motivation to keep trying, i really think i have no options other than this
i won't ever be able to forget everything that happened all of that makes me scared and all of this agonizes me i don't know what i did to deserve this cruelty
turns out he snitched to my mom and she hid all of medications
she didn't even mention it to me, it's as if nothing happened
no lecture, no talking, no comfort, no punishment
it's as if she knows that nothing she says will change anything
more recently i found out where she hid everything
it wasn't my original plan, but it's the option i have for now
i feel a very strong urge to do this that i can't understand at all
i don't know how to deal with it because i've always been more restrained and hesitant, fearful
i feel so much agony that i don't know if i can wait a few more days or weeks to order sn and do things properly
since i have an abnormal fear of hurting myself, od seems like the best option
at this point i'm no longer afraid of failing and ending up with sequelae
i also can't feel empathy for how the people around me will be affected by this
i really just want some time unconscious of any thoughts, a bit of peace
it's been almost a month since things went from bad to terrible and it has been torturing me every day
even though some close friends try to help, i can't relate to anything they say, i can't feel anything, it's hard to believe i'll ever get better from this
it's been a few weeks since i've gone silent and left all social media or means of contact
considering no one noticed it's also hard to believe anyone will even miss
this morning i was writing to leave a final note for some friends
but it didn't take long to give up on the idea and think it would be stupid
at this point i don't know if i should leave anything behind
disappearing without any explanation seems better
even though i wanted a bit of comfort in the final moments, i'm slowly realizing i'll die alone with no one around
which scares me and goes against what i wanted, but seems like the right thing to do
i've already tried everything within my reach
nothing working and only making matters worse gives me no motivation to keep trying, i really think i have no options other than this
i won't ever be able to forget everything that happened all of that makes me scared and all of this agonizes me i don't know what i did to deserve this cruelty
