feeling empty after spending time with 'friends'

[bleeeeeep]

i'm hesitant to use the word friends as it seems we are just hanging on to each other as we've known one another for years, but we have very little in common now and it seems like hanging out is a chore. even so, i hate the lack of reciprocation. i really do miss them when i don't see them for a while, but as soon as we meet again it seems like they can't wait to leave. i always felt like a bit of an intruder on their group, because i was, in a way, but they accepted me when i had no one else. it was really kind of them. now i feel like i should do the right thing and drift on. it's like they keep their limited contact with me because they feel sorry for me, rather than because they value my friendship or anything like that. today i came home feeling really deflated and sad because even though i spent half the day with them, i just felt like an irritant.

i'm trying to do things like meeting people, going out more, etc. so i can try and move forward with my life. while my parents are alive, i don't actually want to rot alone in my room, because i want to try to make them proud, or at least not embarrass them too much. but it's so difficult. aside from these people and maybe one or two others, i don't have anyone to spend time with, and even so i barely see most of them because we live far apart. and i obviously find it impossible to speak to new people. i don't know what i want, really. seeing and meeting old friends/acquaintances is tough, because i feel like i'm intruding the entire time, i come home feeling worse than i did before i left, and i usually end up cutting, but not meeting anyone and isolating myself leads to the same outcome. it's just so frustrating trying to 'recover,' whatever that means, and feeling as though you are meeting obstacles at every corner. i just don't know where to turn to next, i don't know what else there is for me to try. i don't have the energy for any of this.

 

[OrcWitch]

It's rough when you drift apart from people. I hope you're able to meet people who you have more of a genuine connection with.

 

[Pluto]

This can happen to even the best friendships. I recently had a friendship of nearly 30 years fade into oblivion. What to do when there's now so little in common, and he couldn't be bothered showing up whenever he made an appointment to visit?

It helps a lot to have specific interests to use as a foundation for meeting people. Best not to worry about your parents. Anyone who judges you harshly isn't worth having in the picture anyway. It is hard work now but will pay off.

 

[myopybyproxy]

i feel this. dont have anything helpful to add but youre not alone w this frustration op

 

[timf]

There is a saying that house guests are like fish, they get old in a couple of days.

This kind of illustrates that there is a decreasing enthusiasm for old friends over time. Short visits at less frequent intervals can still give you a feeling of connection, but it is seldom that such acquaintances are renewed or deepened.

You are right in the path to friendship will be getting out and meeting people. Things like volunteer groups, leisure learning classes, church groups, support groups might be good places to start.