• UK users: Due to a formal investigation into this site by Ofcom under the UK Online Safety Act 2023, we strongly recommend using a trusted, no-logs VPN. This will help protect your privacy, bypass censorship, and maintain secure access to the site. Read the full VPN guide here.

  • Hey Guest,

    Today, OFCOM launched an official investigation into Sanctioned Suicide under the UK’s Online Safety Act. This has already made headlines across the UK.

    This is a clear and unprecedented overreach by a foreign regulator against a U.S.-based platform. We reject this interference and will be defending the site’s existence and mission.

    In addition to our public response, we are currently seeking legal representation to ensure the best possible defense in this matter. If you are a lawyer or know of one who may be able to assist, please contact us at [email protected].

    Read our statement here:

    Donate via cryptocurrency:

    Bitcoin (BTC): 34HyDHTvEhXfPfb716EeEkEHXzqhwtow1L
    Ethereum (ETH): 0xd799aF8E2e5cEd14cdb344e6D6A9f18011B79BE9
    Monero (XMR): 49tuJbzxwVPUhhDjzz6H222Kh8baKe6rDEsXgE617DVSDD8UKNaXvKNU8dEVRTAFH9Av8gKkn4jDzVGF25snJgNfUfKKNC8
R

RawPremadePizza

Fighting tooth and nail
Apr 23, 2024
33
I feel my life is so bad, so utterly not worth fighting for. But I know it's not. Can you help me with this decision? Can you talk with me for a while? I've been to music school for two years already, the first one I really struggled with piano lessons, this one, even more... I'm a conditional student, it means I didn't pass piano 1, but I can take subjects that require piano 2 this year. I need to take a test on August so I can pass piano 1 and go on, but... I'm really scared of playing the piano! I know that if I study I will improve, but I just don't do it!!
You know why?
I don't really enjoy going there, going to class, doing homework...
I have trauma regarding this, I think. From high school, I've been treated very badly, by teachers and directors, so I dread anything regarding learning. And even without taking this into consideration, I'm not really enjoying learning music. Also, there are teachers that aren't really nice
Now you may think, then why do you go there? why don't you choose another path? The answer is that I don't have any other path, I'm utterly lost.
I feel so attached to my notes in school, I feel that those will condemn my future, and even worse that teachers are not very...calm about it. I don't mind having strict teachers at all, but it's not being strict to yell at your students for having problems learning things, it's not their fault, and it's not like it's medical school, nobody's life is at steak here, so why treating your students so badly? I find music so hard to understand and learn, I wish school wasn't so straight and burocratic.
I was thinking maybe... youtube? I really enjoy those aesthetic videos from Japan that shows a cozy, quiet life.
I don't like normal jobs, like, 9-5 in an office or surrounded by costumers and people who are sometimes rude and not appreciative of what you do. I hate that environment, I would prefer dying over that, honestly. I want my life to have meaning, why was I born then? Why do I have consciousness? Why am I even allowed to have these questions?
Honestly, I was never passionate about learning to play the piano...I just chose it as a companion for singing, which I really enjoy. But I really doubt being a singer, I'm very shy and reserved, I want to have freedom of creation, and I know that often doesn't happen with a label, you just give your voice. So now I'm really confused.

Now, if I stop going to class and abandon this piano school, I would feel so relieved, I would be able to breathe for once. But then what? I have a million more things to worry about. Sometimes I feel that my life is very complex to be a reality, that I am not made for this world, so...suicide...

But I want to live, but to be happy, to be fulfilled, to have purpose, to live so at peace that the problems that arrive can be overcome with ease and knowing that there is happiness. I don't have that. I know what could give me that, but it seems so distant and obscure.
 
Last edited:
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: set0553, lovedread and Ash

Similar threads

A
Replies
0
Views
99
Suicide Discussion
Argaloth
A
RibbonAmia
Replies
2
Views
125
Suicide Discussion
Daenerys Targaryen
Daenerys Targaryen
fruitcup333
Replies
1
Views
118
Suicide Discussion
tung tung sahur
tung tung sahur