Help Failed attempts and trying Yew Seeds - I am scared

[readytoGO!]

I keep trying different ways, but can't get it done. I want it to be as painless as possible and not an obvious suicide -- seems to be a unicorn :)

I have a very mild heart condition that I am hoping to exploit into a "natural" looking exit.

I tried wolfsbane seeds and felt the initial symptoms (mouth burning, stomach cramping, etc.) - thought I'd finally made it to the finish line, but still woke up the next morning.

I have purchased 20 Japanese "Spreading" Yew (Taxus cuspidata) tree seeds. I have no idea if they will be enough (I am a hefty older woman). I need to do it when I have a few days off work (like this weekend) in case it does not succeed - I can't afford to miss work or I will lose my job and possibly my home.

I have seen a few previous threads on these seeds, but as usual with plant toxicity, the effects seem to vary from "if you touch it you'll die" to "I ate 1,000 seeds and was fine."

Also, I'm honestly a little scared it will work and scared it won't work. Can anyone relate?

If I can get up the nerve this weekend, I can try to keep someone updated with my experience.

Here is the most useful google article I could find on Yew seed poisoning.

 

[WEIRDOOOXDDDD]

hey i understand you, today i actually gathered some of my native yew lol. For making it look natural i saw that using yew as tea is really effective aswell as i think it masks the whole suicide thing a lot? Idk im not a doctor lol T-T i know it doesnt affect the heart and also reseearch shows it doesnt affect the liver aswell which means if you do survive you probably wont suffer much internal damage. Im really sorry for whats happening to you i can see how it is stressful and i hope that if you do pass it will be peaceful and painless :) (im sorry that i didnt put much info in here )

 

[joey2424]

I can't help you as far as yew seed knowledge, though it seems interesting as a method. It's difficult to attempt something that you're not able to feel confident in the dose.
I can certainly relate to the "scared it will work and scared it won't". If I was undergoing something that I was certain would succeed (euthanasia), I might feel some fear, but I imagine mostly peace. It is the uncertainty, and having to be mentally prepared for either of the two outcomes, which is so overwhelming I feel.

 

[WEIRDOOOXDDDD]

i did some research yesterday and heres what i found: about 3 mg per kg of body weight is lethal and about 50 g is lethal for an average adult. symptoms start coming in from about 30-60 min and death accures from 2 - 5 h. ive read some documented cases on suicide attempts from yew and the first one was an attempt that was submitted to the hospital an hour after ingestion and they survived while the second was addmited 4 h after ingestion and they werent able to save them. I was also wrong about yew not affecting the heart, it actually affects the heart a lot so that my be a win for you. Also you should note that yew doesnt have an antidote so theres not 100% chance that they will save you if you get into a hospital. I would also recommend eating the leafs instead of seeds but both work fine. Yet again im sorry as for whats happening in your life and i wish you a peaceful passing

 

[Glovesexguy]

I've made a strong yew concoction.
Yew grows everywhere you look where I live, so after two walks with the dog, some cutters and a couple of plastic bags, I ended up with around 8 liters of mainly leaves, but also some bark and roots. Since the whole plant is toxic I thought why not. Took I all home in my bag, it weights about 1.3kg in total.
I did not use any gloves or anything while picking and handling it fresh. No issues.
As I go home I put it in the dehumidifier I 3 or 4 goes, until nice and crisp. Leaves and small twigs break easily.
Then I ran it all in the blendere in a few goes. I know some say not to and to use a mortar and pestle, but after spending 20mins getting nowhere (except for making a mess) I settled for mixer.
Mixed it all well, leaves, sticks, bark -everything.
Tossed all of hos into a jar, total amount was around 0.5 litres. So I added 1.5 litres of vodka to this and made sure it all mixed well.
Its been left dark and cool for a few weeks now, shaken once daily.
I will strain this in the next few days, and reduce the alcohol amount making it more manageable.
Here are some steps I have skipped on purpose here.
What bothers me is that I cannot really test it.
By calculation using conservative numbers it's more than good enough, but I'd love to know-know.
I'll be ingesting this along with other things going on, so I'm sure it'll be fine. But I am one of those that appreciate numbers.
Anyone have any ideas? No, I will not try it on the dog.

 

[SomewhereNew]

I've made a strong yew concoction.
Yew grows everywhere you look where I live, so after two walks with the dog, some cutters and a couple of plastic bags, I ended up with around 8 liters of mainly leaves, but also some bark and roots. Since the whole plant is toxic I thought why not. Took I all home in my bag, it weights about 1.3kg in total.
I did not use any gloves or anything while picking and handling it fresh. No issues.
As I go home I put it in the dehumidifier I 3 or 4 goes, until nice and crisp. Leaves and small twigs break easily.
Then I ran it all in the blendere in a few goes. I know some say not to and to use a mortar and pestle, but after spending 20mins getting nowhere (except for making a mess) I settled for mixer.
Mixed it all well, leaves, sticks, bark -everything.
Tossed all of hos into a jar, total amount was around 0.5 litres. So I added 1.5 litres of vodka to this and made sure it all mixed well.
Its been left dark and cool for a few weeks now, shaken once daily.
I will strain this in the next few days, and reduce the alcohol amount making it more manageable.
Here are some steps I have skipped on purpose here.
What bothers me is that I cannot really test it.
By calculation using conservative numbers it's more than good enough, but I'd love to know-know.
I'll be ingesting this along with other things going on, so I'm sure it'll be fine. But I am one of those that appreciate numbers.
Anyone have any ideas? No, I will not try it on the dog.

How long would this while process take after consuming and would there be suffering or anxiety?