extreme social anxiety: anyone else suffer from it?

[alfie]

my social anxiety/shyness is so bad that i can hardly look at people in the face let alone in the eye when i'm talking to them... i'm even shy with immediate family members... i have difficulty picking up the phone and calling people... i try to force myself to be more confident but my social anxiety is so bad that i experience uncontrollable physical reactions like stiffness and/or shaking, etc... anyone else have similar experiences?

 

[Squiddy]

I used to have really bad social anxiety until I got an in home therapist a few years ago who forced me to go out and socialize. Now, it's not nearly as bad

 

[puppy9]

my social anxiety/shyness is so bad that i can hardly look at people in the face let alone in the eye when i'm talking to them... i'm even shy with immediate family members... i have difficulty picking up the phone and calling people... i try to force myself to be more confident but my social anxiety is so bad that i experience uncontrollable physical reactions like stiffness and/or shaking, etc... anyone else have similar experiences?

I walk whilst looking down, avoid eye contact. I don't try to be confident, I'll just do what makes me comfortable.

 

[BPD_LE]

Yes. I suffer with social anxiety. I can't speak on the phone. Family members included. I worry about going red and stuttering or not getting my words out correctly. I cope with safety behaviours such as having my partner with me, texting or shopping first thing in the morning when it's quiet.

 

[Emerald]

I have suffered this since I was 12 and I'm almost 27. Social anxiety has caused me to stop speaking all together and caused my voice to be under developed. I can hardly speak at all now.

 

[LonelyLight]

Yes it's quite bad. I too find it hard to look at family members in the eye and maintaining eye contact with anyone in a conversation is a no no. I hate walking outside alone but if I have to I wear sunglasses because I feel like it helps to "hide" me a bit if that makes sense? It spares me having to make eye contact etc

 

[melancholy]

Try maybe getting benzos for your social anxiety.

 

[BPD_LE]

I hate walking outside alone but if I have to I wear sunglasses because I feel like it helps to "hide" me a bit if that makes sense? It spares me having to make eye contact etc

Yes, sunglasses are the best. It's like if you can't see my eyes then you can't see me!

 

[LastFlowers]

Only because I am ugly. Otherwise, I wouldn't.

 

[Chalken]

I have social anxiety as well. It's extremely hard to keep a conversation going with anyone. My brain goes into overdrive and I start panicking. Not to mention public speaking in front of an audience, which seems like a nightmare. Meds help to function somewhat and have basic interactions. I try to force myself out of my comfort zone, challenge myself and interact minimally with strangers, but it never goes away. I doubt it will ever will.

 

[ron_g]

Meds help to function somewhat and have basic interactions.

Do you have meds that do not cause strong side effects?

 

[Chalken]

Do you have meds that do not cause strong side effects?

My psychiatrist changed them a couple of times. One time I got intense nausea from one medicine, so she changed it to another one. Now I don't notice any significant side effects. But to be honest, all these meds do is give me more energy to do basic tasks and help me concentrate. They don't lessen anxious or suicidal thoughts. They make the physical symptoms less severe. One medicine helps me cope with anxiety for short intervals, but that's about it.

Honestly, they make me feel like a zombie.

 

[Hexen]

yes

 

[Bathsheba]

I had it badly in the past and had cbt which wasn't very helpful. I would have anxiety attacks when in a situation when I felt scrutinised by anyone.. which could mean when giving a presentation but could also mean just talking to one person if I bumped into a friend. My face would go red and I'd feel I had to run away and escape the situation. The only thing that actually helped in the end was anti depressants which has got rid of symptoms of panic, but conversely ended up making my suicidal ideation a lot worse because I'm less panicked and more clear headed.

 

[sammii]

Meeee!! I have severe social anxiety, it really sucks. I'm on medication that takes away the physical symptoms but I'm still a complete mess and I have no idea how to talk to people. I'm not too bad with eye contact, I've had plenty of practise so I can force it, but small talk is horrible for me. I never know what to say and then I get super awkward and usually just don't say anything, which makes it even more awkward. And omg don't even get me started on phone calls..

 

[falconeyes]

It's my plague, it affects my entire life

 

[Rollo]

my social anxiety/shyness is so bad that i can hardly look at people in the face let alone in the eye when i'm talking to them... i'm even shy with immediate family members... i have difficulty picking up the phone and calling people... i try to force myself to be more confident but my social anxiety is so bad that i experience uncontrollable physical reactions like stiffness and/or shaking, etc... anyone else have similar experiences?

I used to have those. Not sure whether they were as intense as yours but still. These are pretty typical manifestations of SA. Going confident requires force in every little choice you make. Taking a risk requires willpower. But still in a way you don't have to force yourself to be confident. You just have to realize at any given moment what you want to do. Whether you want to start speaking to somebody, in what manner, whether to look in the face or make eye contact. And if you want to then you can, without any particular compulsion, just choose to do it despite anxiety. For the sake of doing what you want to do. This way it will be natural confidence as opposed to forcing yourself.

I walk whilst looking down, avoid eye contact. I don't try to be confident, I'll just do what makes me comfortable.

That's actually a healthy outlook - not trying to be confident. Because some act confident just so to appear tough and cool. Basically showing off. You don't have to look straight all the time. Still by not being confident you're missing out on a great deal of comfort. Like admiring the surroundings. Looking at whatever you want to look at, including people. Although there are nuances here, no need to drill people with eye-contact unless it's beef already.

I had it badly in the past and had cbt which wasn't very helpful. I would have anxiety attacks when in a situation when I felt scrutinised by anyone.. which could mean when giving a presentation but could also mean just talking to one person if I bumped into a friend. My face would go red and I'd feel I had to run away and escape the situation. The only thing that actually helped in the end was anti depressants which has got rid of symptoms of panic, but conversely ended up making my suicidal ideation a lot worse because I'm less panicked and more clear headed.

So now that you're on anti-depressants what happens when you bump into a friend? No panic and you have an enjoyful conversation?

 

[Bathsheba]

I used to have those. Not sure whether they were as intense as yours but still. These are pretty typical manifestations of SA. Going confident requires force in every little choice you make. Taking a risk requires willpower. But still in a way you don't have to force yourself to be confident. You just have to realize at any given moment what you want to do. Whether you want to start speaking to somebody, in what manner, whether to look in the face or make eye contact. And if you want to then you can, without any particular compulsion, just choose to do it despite anxiety. For the sake of doing what you want to do. This way it will be natural confidence as opposed to forcing yourself.



That's actually a healthy outlook - not trying to be confident. Because some act confident just so to appear tough and cool. Basically showing off. You don't have to look straight all the time. Still by not being confident you're missing out on a great deal of comfort. Like admiring the surroundings. Looking at whatever you want to look at, including people. Although there are nuances here, no need to drill people with eye-contact unless it's beef already.



So now that you're on anti-depressants what happens when you bump into a friend? No panic and you have an enjoyful conversation?

I wouldn't say it's enjoyable but I just don't have panic anymore. Before Sertraline I would go bright red and get pins and needles etc and have to escape these situations. Now I can talk to people and not panic.. but actually now I find I am a bit manic with people like I babble on about shit and later feel embarrassed. My natural inhibitions which should protect me from making an idiot of myself are non existent.

 

[GlowingCactus]

I used to have really bad social anxiety. I even had selective mutism meaning I couldn't talk at all in many situations no matter how hard I tried. I wanted it to get better so bad that I was putting immense pressure on myself, thus making myself even more anxious and disappointing myself when I failed to do what I wanted. At some point, I gave up completely, decided I would no longer try and accepted that was how it was. Because of that, the immense pressure I put on myself went away. I became able to talk to people when I absolutely had to because the anxiety wasn't as intense as it used to be, so gradually I started talking to people in situations I didn't absolutely have to, without expecting much so I felt a lot more comfortable and at some point it even became enjoyable.

So yeah, I stopped trying and it fixed my social anxiety problem as funny as that sounds. Being concerned about a problem that makes your life miserable is understandable and natural, but in excess, it's counterproductive and can make the problem way worse. Of course it's impossible to force youself to stop trying if the desire is there so that's not what you should do, that's just how it happened for me. The important thing to understand is that by having unrealistic expectations and worrying too much how you "perform", and asking yourself questions like "Am I making progress", you set yourself up for failure.

So changing the way you think can help somewhat to gradually improve your situation. At least that's how I see it. I know social anxiety is a problem that is far from simple to solve.

 

[Rollo]

I wouldn't say it's enjoyable but I just don't have panic anymore. Before Sertraline I would go bright red and get pins and needles etc and have to escape these situations. Now I can talk to people and not panic.. but actually now I find I am a bit manic with people like I babble on about shit and later feel embarrassed. My natural inhibitions which should protect me from making an idiot of myself are non existent.

Well I don't know what it is exactly that you say that you later feel embarassed about but the way I see it desire to talk honestly without inhibitions about things which one may find embarassing - is a natural and healthy one. And inhibitions guarding against it are not neccessarily natural. And if you later feel like an idiot then it means those inhibitions do exist at this moment. It's just you may want to decide what's the problem - inhibitions or their absense.