Venting Ex keeps appearing in dreams

[lucid]

I don't understand my fucking brain sometimes. Lately I keep having dreams where my first ex shows up at some point and it's not helping me at all. I can't even begin to describe how toxic our relationship was. With her having DID and accusing me of cheating because of her bad past experiences despite me saying multiple times I've never been with anyone, it became a complete shit show within the first week. Though despite all of that, and even a tiny part of me now, still wanted to like her. This is what makes it so much harder for me to deal with and just forget. Why? I can't even tell myself why. Part of me just does. And that tiny part of me needs to fuck off.

 

[dropdeadfred]

I could have mostly written this myself. My dreams of my ex haunt me... he's always such an asshole in them, just as he proved to be in waking life. My dreams present what life could be/could've been. Feels like a sick joke.
I suspect my ex is a narcissist or has tendencies, considering he meets a lot of the criterion, such as love bombing me & leaving me cold. I should have known it was too good to be true! I hate that I even care about him at all.