My friend's Mum said that to her once- you're depressed, I'm depressed, the cat's depressed. Everyone is.
It's something I struggle with personally- if I'm honest. Am I depressed or, am I just lazy? Is it because I've got out of whack with sleeping patterns that I find it so hard to get up early? Am I tired because of poor diet? Am I unmotivated because I don't have a project on? Is it that I can't or, that I won't? (It's almost always: 'I won't.)
I think the trouble with very low mood and ideation or a lack of care for our well being means we have less motivation to take care of our needs, which only feeds in to making things worse.
I do sort of think we can find ourselves on the precipice with mild depression and, our next actions dictate whether we linger there or, crash further down. That's tricky because- in part, that's choice at that stage. Or, maybe it doesn't take that route. I truly don't know. I suppose if I'm honest, I worry for myself. But- for those with severe depression- did it suddenly just hit? Was it that severe, right from the start or, did it creep up?
For those who say- don't brush their teeth. Did they never brush them? Were there initial days where it was a struggle to do it but, it didn't feel the impossible task it feels now? What would have happened if they'd forced themselves to continue to do it? I'm not meaning to victim blame here. I'm seriously questioning how far I'll let myself slip! My hygiene is ok but, it's not as good as it used to be. Will I continue to keep up the minimum (because I fear getting ill,) or, will I let it slip further? Will I continue to have the choice or will it simply feel impossible one day?
Sometimes I wonder if it's to do with our support system. If we have no support or, next to no support- we may be too afraid to let things go completely. But then, some people still do. End up homeless etc. Still, sometimes I wonder if, having that buffer of support- shelter, warmth, food, money- does it give some people less reason to stop themselves depending on all those things? Or, does support make them less likely to be depressed to begin with?
But then- why is it some people stay at the mildly- moderately depressed stage- possibly for decades? I suppose it's possible I've been mildly depressed for 35 years! Why does the situation nose dive for others though? Just as a thing, it is curious.
I'd also agree with other members that, a lot of people have issues or- insecurities say. They can be debilitating too. I'd definitely say I am troubled by social anxiety and limerence. I have the potential for developing eating disorders too. I'd say I've been very borderline on a couple.
I'd agree that it's important for us to be conscious of those things. Partly in the hopes we can work on healing them or, preventing them. I'm extremely conscious not to develop limerence or an eating disorder again.
It's very difficult to guage and compare severity though. For instance- I'd probably say I was only mildly depressed. Things are a struggle certainly but, I can still force myself to do them. I can hold down a job. Certain things still bring me joy.
However- going out with a group of friends now? I wouldn't even consider it! Even a single friend, I'd likely try to make excuses. I don't think I could face that. I don't think I could conceal how I was generally in life. Just being out would be weird- I barely leave the house.
I imagine for you- it was still a struggle but, something made you push yourself to do it. So, it's tricky really. Is it that we can't do these things? Not exactly. It seems like more- some things are more difficult for us than others. Some days, they seem especially difficult. Some things we will do if we are having a better day, some things we feel like we'll never want to face. But, it's certainly hard to judge.
I suppose people need visual cues that someone is suffering. If they burst into tears, have a panic attack, collapse in pain- they'll likely pick up on them! I guess other more subtle things, they'll miss though.
I definitely think depression can affect our ability to function. I can understand why people end up quiting or, being fired from jobs because they can't cope with stressful situations, maybe can't concentrate or struggle to be reliable etc.
There again, the more subtle response is to pretty much get through the day but then, go home and sob. Utterly dread and feel sickened going in everyday. I suppose it's that I struggle with really. It's probably envy in a way. The whole- I'm not working because it stresses me out and harms my health. It's like- it harms most people's health! Even the happier ones pick up injuries from work. I suppose it's just envy that I didn't feel able to use that excuse! It comes down to- what do you consider bad? What's a reasonable get- out? I suppose ultimately, it's one that the government also conceeds and agrees to pay benefits for. I've picked up injuries though. Other friends have too. I suppose it is envy others haven't had to put themselves through that but then, being NEET long-term has its drawbacks too.
I think, so much comes into play though. What a person is dealing with or, is afraid of. What resources they have within themself to be able to cope. Seeing as we all have different things we struggle with and, we all have different levels of coping, it's maybe difficult for us to be able to totally empathise.
I think there's the: 'Things can't be that bad if you can still...' I suppose people looking at me will say: work. Me looking at others will say: socialise with friends, have a relationship. I think we take for granted the things we can manage in a way. I also think we all tend to compare too. You were doing it with your friends I suppose, as much as they were doing it to you. You may be right that your situation is so much worse than theirs but, how can you actually know for sure what they're dealing with?
I used to find myself at work thinking- Of course they've been so successful. They're not dealing with the social anxiety and, lack of confidence I am. Weirdly though, talking to them, I realised they were plagued by some of the same issues. So, was it that I'd allowed those things to become debilitating for me? Did they affect me more than them? It's so hard to gudge.
Ultimately though, we decide I suppose. You were physically able to go out with your friends. I was physically able to work alongside others. I guess from here, we decide whether our experiences were too unpleasant/ stressful to want to face that again. I guess that's the problem though, when things go badly. We can then build that situation up in our minds to make it that much harder to try and face it again.
Lastly, I haven't meant to belittle depression here. It's more a genuine curiosity for me. Plus, sorry for the essay length response! It's something I mull around a lot with in my mind about my own situation. I suppose a part of it is fear that it may become all around debilitating for me too. I kind of know it can't though so- will that be enough for me to maintain it at the level it's at?
I'm sorry your friends weren't more understanding though. I guess it's a backhanded compliment maybe. Perhaps they just miss you and, want to see more of you.
