Every time I meet someone new I fuck up

[WitheringAway]

It's getting out of hand I can't control it. I push people away no matter how much I like them. Every time I meet someone I really like and we start to get to know each other, I start to obsess.. I obsess about the time they take to reply to me, I obsess about their past and their current love affairs.. it's ridiculous I shouldn't but I do. So a couple weeks ago I met this really cool guy through an app and we hit it off right away we really liked each other and he was a bit flirtatious at times.. I could tell he really liked me but then I got scared that I'd fuck things up as usual and I reveal how much of a maniac I am so I started to distance myself ignoring him when I'm really dying to talk to him.. I was waiting for him to make a mistake so I have an excuse to leave him but he didn't so I ended up making something up like accusing him of something he didn't do (he prob knew I was fucked up at this point) and then I deleted him. I regret it but I can't help it. Every time I like someone I get scared that they'd hurt me by leaving so I push them away and make the decision to leave so I can feel like I had some control over it and they didn't hurt me.. like how fucked up is that? Now he's probably confused and hurt and thinks I'm a bitch but it is what it is. I feel very lonely it sucks ..

 

[GentleJerk]

That sounds really rough... I sabotage my own happiness too, in my own way. I know how much it sucks. Hopefully you will find a way to have the happiness you deserve. In the meantime, maybe you can try expressing these things to see if he might understand.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

It's getting out of hand I can't control it. I push people away no matter how much I like them. Every time I meet someone I really like and we start to get to know each other, I start to obsess.. I obsess about the time they take to reply to me, I obsess about their past and their current love affairs.. it's ridiculous I shouldn't but I do. So a couple weeks ago I met this really cool guy through an app and we hit it off right away we really liked each other and he was a bit flirtatious at times.. I could tell he really liked me but then I got scared that I'd fuck things up as usual and I reveal how much of a maniac I am so I started to distance myself ignoring him when I'm really dying to talk to him.. I was waiting for him to make a mistake so I have an excuse to leave him but he didn't so I ended up making something up like accusing him of something he didn't do (he prob knew I was fucked up at this point) and then I deleted him. I regret it but I can't help it. Every time I like someone I get scared that they'd hurt me by leaving so I push them away and make the decision to leave so I can feel like I had some control over it and they didn't hurt me.. like how fucked up is that? Now he's probably confused and hurt and thinks I'm a bitch but it is what it is. I feel very lonely it sucks ..

Out of curiosity, and does it really keep you from getting hurt or do you end up getting hurt anyway? I should probably start doing that.