End to the pain

[donovanlovesme]

All these threads had given me so much information. Grateful for it. Thinking of hanging the most cause it seems quite effective.
My biggest problem with ctb is having no money. I could spend a few months saving up to source things like the SN and KN but the other otc drugs and doses part confuses me.
I've lived a long suffering of 35 years childhood sa for all of my childhood, drug and extensive alcohol abuse for over 15 years. I quit drinking 5 years ago and have done a lot of work and healing but not sure I'll ever be un broken. After a recent breakup which I wont lie is a contributing factor. Im back here looking again. My despair is hard to put into words. But I've been nothing but a warm hole for humans to abuse growing up and as an adult I haven't accomplished anything of worth. Sobriety gave me a thirst for life that is gone. I just want to end my suffering, its been so long and so much pain. I dont even know have a safe place where i wont be discovered by someone to hang myself and like mentioned dont have the funds to poison myself. I just want to end my pain. I dont know if im finally posting for someone to talk to or just talk through some options I haven't considered yet. What a cruel world.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just wish to be free from all the suffering as well, it's so cruel and terrible to me how there's all this pain and suffering in existing, I hope you find the relief you search for.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Welcome to the forum. It sounds like you've been through so much from the start pretty much. I'm so sorry. I can't disagree with you. The world does seem especially cruel to some. I hope you find some solace here.

 

[timeisrunning]

All these threads had given me so much information. Grateful for it. Thinking of hanging the most cause it seems quite effective.
My biggest problem with ctb is having no money. I could spend a few months saving up to source things like the SN and KN but the other otc drugs and doses part confuses me.
I've lived a long suffering of 35 years childhood sa for all of my childhood, drug and extensive alcohol abuse for over 15 years. I quit drinking 5 years ago and have done a lot of work and healing but not sure I'll ever be un broken. After a recent breakup which I wont lie is a contributing factor. Im back here looking again. My despair is hard to put into words. But I've been nothing but a warm hole for humans to abuse growing up and as an adult I haven't accomplished anything of worth. Sobriety gave me a thirst for life that is gone. I just want to end my suffering, its been so long and so much pain. I dont even know have a safe place where i wont be discovered by someone to hang myself and like mentioned dont have the funds to poison myself. I just want to end my pain. I dont know if im finally posting for someone to talk to or just talk through some options I haven't considered yet. What a cruel world.

I'm so sorry for the pain and suffering you've experienced in life. It sounds like a difficult hand you were dealt

 

[donovanlovesme]

Welcome to the forum. It sounds like you've been through so much from the start pretty much. I'm so sorry. I can't disagree with you. The world does seem especially cruel to some. I hope you find some solace here.

The worst part is sometimes I can handle the harsh reality of my abuse how horrific it was and be able to feel okay but some days when new wounds are made or my depression gets me low my reality of it all is too much to bear. If all I've ever really accomplished is being hurt from 5 to 35 why keep suffering?

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I'm sorry for your pain.