Don't know what to do anymore

[Hirokami]

It's taking everything in me right now not to hurt myself. My job hasn't confirmed my invoice yet, meaning I'm not getting paid yet. I don't think I lost my job as they would've said something (plus, I'm under contract so they would need to tell me).

And I'm forced to choose between two people I care about. And even though I apologize and explain my point of view, no one wants to listen. I even feel like my relationship is about to end, too. I needed a few minutes to myself to recooperate as I was about to have an anxiety attack. I said something I shouldn't have and walked away. She said I abandoned her in her time of need and maybe I did as I'm an awful person. Though, I was willing to listen after I calmed down. The damage has been done by that point and she doesn't trust me anymore.

I've been told I don't respect people's boundaries due to my anxiety, and maybe there's truth to that. But when I give people their space, and they want to finally talk, they get annoyed with me. I honestly think I'm an awful person and that no one understands me. I'm going to die alone. I ruin everything I touch. I'm going to lose everything.

 

[Julgran]

It's taking everything in me right now not to hurt myself. My job hasn't confirmed my invoice yet, meaning I'm not getting paid yet. I don't think I lost my job as they would've said something (plus, I'm under contract so they would need to tell me).

And I'm forced to choose between two people I care about. And even though I apologize and explain my point of view, no one wants to listen. I even feel like my relationship is about to end, too. I needed a few minutes to myself to recooperate as I was about to have an anxiety attack. I said something I shouldn't have and walked away. She said I abandoned her in her time of need and maybe I did as I'm an awful person. Though, I was willing to listen after I calmed down. The damage has been done by that point and she doesn't trust me anymore.

I've been told I don't respect people's boundaries due to my anxiety, and maybe there's truth to that. But when I give people their space, and they want to finally talk, they get annoyed with me. I honestly think I'm an awful person and that no one understands me. I'm going to die alone. I ruin everything I touch. I'm going to lose everything.

Since you have been taking care of two other people - plus yourself - you have done more than many other people. You are a good and conciderate person. Sometimes, though, a good conscience isn't enough for this world

 

[SarRy]

Take care of yourself. I don't understand your relationship issues, but sometimes people just aren't right for you. I'm not very literate with interpersonal issues. Things can get scary. It's just another day. You've survived everything up until now, so you can live through this too.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Please stay strong. Please do not believe that you are an awful person, right now you are a person who is under an extreme amount of stress. Please take care of yourself.