don't have enough courage to hang myself

[monetpompo]

welcome to my attention seeking title post

i've been in my closet for 2 hours trying to hang myself because i'm really upset today and don't want to wake up tomorrow but i can't do it no matter how many times i put my head in the noose and lower myself. why can't i do it, even though today is such a bad day for me? why am i still here even though i'm miserable? it hurts too much in the first few seconds and even if it's a method that would definitely work, i'm too afraid to. i hate being so afraid and i hate the pain of the rope pressing into my neck. but you need the pain in order to kill yourself. why can't i just do it? i was so sure a few months ago, now i can't. my life is meaningless enough for me to have a good reason to kill myself, since no one would need me or miss me once i did. everyone would forget about me and the world would keep going, because nothing changes when just one person is dead.

i can't think of another method besides drowning. i've been stuck trying to hang myself for a long time and i hate not being able to do it. every time i just go back to my bed and lay down. i want to be strong enough to hang myself. i want to be able to die, but everything seems to cause pain. i feel stupid that i can't even do this. everyone else is better than me. i just want to be dead but nothing seems accessible to me. i don't want to be stuck hanging myself then taking my noose off forever. i don't want to keep feeling like scum. i just want to fade into nothingness.

 

[rs929]

Welcome to the club. Too afraid to live, too afraid to die. You're not alone. Hopefully we find a way out together, one way or another

 

[fedup1982]

Dying is fking hard!!!

And hanging is a terrible way to go. The pain of the rope isn't even half of it. When your body realises it's being starved of oxygen, primal SI kicks in and the unreal God awful panic sets in and you'll wish you had given yourself a way out. It's absolutely definitely not remotely peaceful like some people say

 

[lilies.in.heaven]

Hey, it's ok

This is one of the very difficult methods. Hanging, jumping, drowning... These are real life dangers that your primitive brain developed to avoid at all costs

I also felt a lot of fear when I was trying to jump in front of a train (although in my case I do have a reason not to ctb, my mother)

Don't rush it. Suicide doesnt need to be that way

 

[PI3.14]

You're not alone in this, many of us here are working on gathering our courage to go with it. Some of us have been trying for years.

Dying is never easy.

 

[monetpompo]

Hey, it's ok

This is one of the very difficult methods. Hanging, jumping, drowning... These are real life dangers that your primitive brain developed to avoid at all costs

I also felt a lot of fear when I was trying to jump in front of a train (although in my case I do have a reason not to ctb, my mother)

Don't rush it. Suicide doesnt need to be that way

You're not alone in this, many of us here are working on gathering our courage to go with it. Some of us have been trying for years.

Dying is never easy.

thank you both for the comforting words. i feel really frustrated today and even more frustrated that i can't go through with a method i keep telling myself i do. i kind of feel like a loser for making a post so that i can get comfort. i just really want people to understand how difficult things have been for me and how often i wish that i could just die. people die every day but i can't for some reason. there's no divine force keeping me alive. there's nothing i look forward to each day. every day i hope that i die somehow, but even with months of suicidal ideation, i can't kill myself. pro-lifers feel joy that a stranger they don't care about is alive while people in my life look down on me for not wanting to improve. when you're young, you expect your death to matter to people, but it feels like no one has the capacity to care until you're dead.

 

[kuj00]

thank you both for the comforting words. i feel really frustrated today and even more frustrated that i can't go through with a method i keep telling myself i do. i kind of feel like a loser for making a post so that i can get comfort. i just really want people to understand how difficult things have been for me and how often i wish that i could just die. people die every day but i can't for some reason. there's no divine force keeping me alive. there's nothing i look forward to each day. every day i hope that i die somehow, but even with months of suicidal ideation, i can't kill myself. pro-lifers feel joy that a stranger they don't care about is alive while people in my life look down on me for not wanting to improve. when you're young, you expect your death to matter to people, but it feels like no one has the capacity to care until you're dead.

Never feel like a loser for wanting and needing the comfort you deserve, you are wanted and im sure any member here would be more than happy to comfort you

 

[itsgone2]

thank you both for the comforting words. i feel really frustrated today and even more frustrated that i can't go through with a method i keep telling myself i do. i kind of feel like a loser for making a post so that i can get comfort. i just really want people to understand how difficult things have been for me and how often i wish that i could just die. people die every day but i can't for some reason. there's no divine force keeping me alive. there's nothing i look forward to each day. every day i hope that i die somehow, but even with months of suicidal ideation, i can't kill myself. pro-lifers feel joy that a stranger they don't care about is alive while people in my life look down on me for not wanting to improve. when you're young, you expect your death to matter to people, but it feels like no one has the capacity to care until you're dead.

You're not alone. I tried partial a few times and it wasn't close for me either. It can be done but very difficult it appears. I have fsh ready. I've stood there a few times. I do fear the pain but also fear the future so why can't I do this. I hope something changes for us.

 

[Worndown]

If ending it all was easy, this site would not exist.
People do it when it is "bad enough" another day is not tollerable. A pretty high bar.
Dreading another day might not be enough in your situation.
I am sorry you got this low.

How are you today?

 

[MyShadow]

welcome to my attention seeking title post

i've been in my closet for 2 hours trying to hang myself because i'm really upset today and don't want to wake up tomorrow but i can't do it no matter how many times i put my head in the noose and lower myself. why can't i do it, even though today is such a bad day for me? why am i still here even though i'm miserable? it hurts too much in the first few seconds and even if it's a method that would definitely work, i'm too afraid to. i hate being so afraid and i hate the pain of the rope pressing into my neck. but you need the pain in order to kill yourself. why can't i just do it? i was so sure a few months ago, now i can't. my life is meaningless enough for me to have a good reason to kill myself, since no one would need me or miss me once i did. everyone would forget about me and the world would keep going, because nothing changes when just one person is dead.

i can't think of another method besides drowning. i've been stuck trying to hang myself for a long time and i hate not being able to do it. every time i just go back to my bed and lay down. i want to be strong enough to hang myself. i want to be able to die, but everything seems to cause pain. i feel stupid that i can't even do this. everyone else is better than me. i just want to be dead but nothing seems accessible to me. i don't want to be stuck hanging myself then taking my noose off forever. i don't want to keep feeling like scum. i just want to fade into nothingness.

Take comfort in knowing that there are people here who support you and understand your pain and frustration.