Sometimes I just have the wish to freeze the time. I often have problems to make decisions due to depression and OCD. Sometimes I want to live without any responsibilities and do escapism. Not doing important work and always procrastinating. Other people have way bigger problems with procrastination. But recently I had a lot of melancholia because I have to stop procrastinating soon. Today I had more intense depression than usually. I hope this is not a start of a new major depression. I rather had the problem with manic symptoms during the last weeks.
I have the feeling my life resembles a story of Kafka. It is like in the story A little fable. No matter which decisions I make my tragic ending seems impossible to avoid. WIth every step that I do I come closer to it. Of course this fact makes me pretty desperate and induces a lot of anxieties. I try to as good as I can to escape my fate. But I just don't know any ways to escape it. I fight and fight but I have the strong feeling this will be in end pointless. I don't want to blame me when I commit suicide this is why I try to fight with all my strength and energy.
I have made tiny steps in the right direction. But it is so absurd how little my success was despite the fact I dedicated all my resouces for it. This all seems to be so cynical. If you have been dealt such a bad hand in life it is really unfair. The weight on my shoulders can easily crush me. I have to be very cautious. I am often quite fragile.
I just feel very sad and empty currently. I wished there would happen a miracle. I am still trying to recover. But my chances of success are so tiny. I try to find the right balance again. Doing important work and at the same time not being overwhelmed by the stress.
Even if you don't make any decisions you are still not doing nothing. You procrastinate your problems but this won't fix them. Though my issues seems to be unsolvable. Or at least really difficult to solve. You cannot freeze the time no matter what you do.
I have the feeling my life resembles a story of Kafka. It is like in the story A little fable. No matter which decisions I make my tragic ending seems impossible to avoid. WIth every step that I do I come closer to it. Of course this fact makes me pretty desperate and induces a lot of anxieties. I try to as good as I can to escape my fate. But I just don't know any ways to escape it. I fight and fight but I have the strong feeling this will be in end pointless. I don't want to blame me when I commit suicide this is why I try to fight with all my strength and energy.
I have made tiny steps in the right direction. But it is so absurd how little my success was despite the fact I dedicated all my resouces for it. This all seems to be so cynical. If you have been dealt such a bad hand in life it is really unfair. The weight on my shoulders can easily crush me. I have to be very cautious. I am often quite fragile.
I just feel very sad and empty currently. I wished there would happen a miracle. I am still trying to recover. But my chances of success are so tiny. I try to find the right balance again. Doing important work and at the same time not being overwhelmed by the stress.
Even if you don't make any decisions you are still not doing nothing. You procrastinate your problems but this won't fix them. Though my issues seems to be unsolvable. Or at least really difficult to solve. You cannot freeze the time no matter what you do.
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