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Does life get better for you?

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happynuclearwinter

happynuclearwinter

Hand me my shovel, I'm going in
Oct 10, 2023
35
I'm an artist (22) who got their first job, toxic workplace ruined both of my hands (carpal tunnel syndrome)
it's been 5 months and I cant work or do basic tasks anymore.

I picked up drawing back in kindergarten and I never let go of it ever since. It always been a huge part of my life. I use it as sort of coping mechanism from my horrible childhood growing up.

I had to pick this scummy job because 1) I don't have a degree in arts... most of the proper studios here only hires college grads. 2) I want to escape home. I live alone, 1000km away from my hometown. It was my first job outside from taking freelance/commissions. My workplace fired me and didn't gave me any compensation, the salary is shit ($200 per month) I had to finish 1-2 finished artwork per day.

I've been paying my own medical bills from my savings. It's been 5 months and I'm not showing any signs of recovering.

This is genuinely the lowest point of my life. The most important thing (and the only thing that I can do) is taken away from me. I can't take any entry level jobs because it hurts to use my hands. I can't pick up my phone, I can't carry heavy things. It's so painful to draw.

I've set a due date, but a little part inside me still foolishly believes that things might get better....
I barely have savings left, but it's enough to buy SN. (They're stupidly accessible here)

Should I just go buy it? And for those who live longer than me, does life actually get better?

(Sorry if it has any grammatical error english isn't my first language)
 
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