Venting does it really get better?

[scarredheart]

i've always been told things will change, that i won't be like this forever, but i don't know how to keep on going if time has only proved the opposite.
i do want to improve, but it feels like even if i change my behaviors ill still want something unhealthy / toxic..

 

[Macedonian1987]

For me sadly it didn't get better, it got much worse. If you are young then there is still chance, a slim chance for things to get better. For me it's too late as I will be 40 in a year and a half.

 

[zdeweilx]

Sorry but in most cases no it doesn't magically get better. Life is a constant uphill battle for most people.

 

[scarredheart]

somehow it makes me feel both better and worse to see your post.
it matters so much to me to see someone who's still here despite what they've gone through, but it also makes me feel saddened because of the pain you're still experiencing.

For me sadly it didn't get better, it got much worse. If you are young then there is still chance, a slim chance for things to get better. For me it's too late as I will be 40 in a year and a half...

Sorry but in most cases no it doesn't magically get better. Life is a constant uphill battle for most people.

sometimes i wish i could get better without having to put in any of the work haha
if you break your leg because someone ran you over with a car, they have to pay for damages and a cast.
suddenly when someone ruins your life but it's not a crime, not only do you have to live with the pain of what's happened but you are the one who has to work to get better

 

[Macedonian1987]

somehow it makes me feel both better and worse to see your post.
it matters so much to me to see someone who's still here despite what they've gone through, but it also makes me feel saddened because of the pain you're still experiencing.

I began feeling depressed and suicidal at the end of 2003, and things were still bearable back then. Then in the last 10 years I began experiencing chronic multi-joint pain, severely limiting me what I can do and my activities. This chronic pain will only get worse as I age. I have Asperger's too on top of it all. I will end it in a year or two. I got used to live my life without any friends and without love life, but I cannot learn how to live with chronic pain. The main reason why I didn't end it years ago are my parents. I didn't want to hurt them, but it seems I will have to. Chronic pain will force my hand...

 

[soul2realm]

I began feeling depressed and suicidal at the end of 2003, and things were still bearable back then. Then in the last 10 years I began experiencing chronic multi-joint pain, severely limiting me what I can do and my activities. This chronic pain will only get worse as I age. I have Asperger's too on top of it all. I will end it in a year or two. I got used to live my life without any friends and without love life, but I cannot learn how to live with chronic pain. The main reason why I didn't end it years ago are my parents. I didn't want to hurt them, but it seems I will have to. Chronic pain will force my hand...

Your situation is quite similar to mine, except that both my parents are gone and I keep on starring at my ctb set up. I flunked the first attempt so really trying to garner strength for the next and hopefully last attempt.

 

[TwistedNightmares]

It didn't get better for me. In fact, it got a whole lot worse.

 

[scarredheart]

I began feeling depressed and suicidal at the end of 2003, and things were still bearable back then. Then in the last 10 years I began experiencing chronic multi-joint pain, severely limiting me what I can do and my activities. This chronic pain will only get worse as I age. I have Asperger's too on top of it all. I will end it in a year or two. I got used to live my life without any friends and without love life, but I cannot learn how to live with chronic pain. The main reason why I didn't end it years ago are my parents. I didn't want to hurt them, but it seems I will have to. Chronic pain will force my hand...

that really sucks man, i don't want to start telling you reasons not to ctb because i know there's no point but im always here if you need to talk. i don't know how the healthcare system is in macedonia but i hope you can get help for the chronic pain

 

[Macedonian1987]

that really sucks man, i don't want to start telling you reasons not to ctb because i know there's no point but im always here if you need to talk. i don't know how the healthcare system is in macedonia but i hope you can get help for the chronic pain

The healthcare in Macedonia its one of the worst in Europe. But that is not important to me, even if the healthcare was the best one in the world I'm just too tired of fighting with my pain and loneliness. Im having a burnout. Im just tired… i want it all to end.

Your situation is quite similar to mine, except that both my parents are gone and I keep on starring at my ctb set up. I flunked the first attempt so really trying to garner strength for the next and hopefully last attempt.

You are in chronic pain too?

 

[zdeweilx]

I began feeling depressed and suicidal at the end of 2003, and things were still bearable back then. Then in the last 10 years I began experiencing chronic multi-joint pain, severely limiting me what I can do and my activities. This chronic pain will only get worse as I age. I have Asperger's too on top of it all. I will end it in a year or two. I got used to live my life without any friends and without love life, but I cannot learn how to live with chronic pain. The main reason why I didn't end it years ago are my parents. I didn't want to hurt them, but it seems I will have to. Chronic pain will force my hand...

Damn are you me ? I have aspergers too and i have chronic joint pain (ehlers-danlos syndrome). Sending you strength

 

[nintendo64]

In my experience, no. It might feel better for a little while if you distract yourself, but the feelings always come crawling back. If you have depression, try meds and therapy if you haven't already to see if they work. They do for some people. I have treatment resistant depression so unfortunately for me and others suffering with it theres not really any way of things ever getting consistently better, but if you just have regular depression there's a chance.

 

[MrNobody88]

Things "can" get better, "can" being the operative word. Things can also get worse before any signs of getting better show if at all but if you weather those storms you can grow in strength.

Folks absently promise others life will get better but its somewhat disingenuous of people to do that because they don't have control over your life or what happens in it. I think if you make small positive changes you can steer your life in a better direction. Just take it one day at a time.

I hope things get better for you but no one can promise it. I hope this Christmas is positive for you and be safe out there

 

[suicidesergal]

It will. But .

You have to want it, and work for it. You have to be willing to change to accept it and reach for it.

It's hard.

But it's worth it. I'm married now and have a cat.

 

[orpheus_]

It may get better. It may not. Honestly it all really depends, both on the work you put in AND external/random circumstances.

You don't know what the future holds, that's the truth. Your brain might be convincing you that you can forsee the future, for example that if your life always kept getting worse - it will get worse. But in reality there's no rule like this. Human minds have systems of predicting what will happen but they are *not* perfect and only operate on very limited data.

The only way to really find out if it gets better is to keep living and trying, as long as you have any, even a small reason for that. There are people who got out of a very dark place, some of these stories are on this forum (..but mostly the people who get better just leave this place and you never hear about them again, because they're busy living their lives), so it's usually possible, but there is no general rule.

 

[Dreaming In Aconite]

i've always been told things will change, that i won't be like this forever, but i don't know how to keep on going if time has only proved the opposite.
i do want to improve, but it feels like even if i change my behaviors ill still want something unhealthy / toxic..

It may or may not. Life is full of chance and anarchy. Unfortunately I don't know if there's anything that favors us in-between.

Even if it did get better, would you really want to stick around just to watch that get worse?

 

[ConstantPain]

I'm sure it can but there's tons of variables. For me, it did for awhile and then got worse again. My best times were when I was able to travel, and had a home I loved, job I liked, and decent marriage. I was able to not be actively suicidal every day but wouldn't say I was ever truly happy to be alive. Life was at least tolerable and I had some things to look forward to.

Fast forward and now I never travel, hate where I live, lost the good paying job I had, and despise my alcoholic A-hole husband. I'm in more pain, have less energy, and am quite confident that my best years are behind me. I think about dying every day, almost constantly. The only things I look forward to at all is sleep and death.

So, I think it's possible for things to get better. I also think that as we age it gets harder and harder to have any hope for the future.

 

[simji_is_offline]

I feel like my life got better but I didn't.

I started feeling suicidal in high school, and every time I visit my parents I remember why. Depression turned my college years into a waste. I got a nice job. I'm renting a lovely apartment. I live in a safe, walkable neighborhood. I have two kitties. I have more hobbies than I even have time for. I have friends that care about me.

But I just feel too broken to accept any of it. I didn't have any real friends until I was 25. And I just feel like incapable of emotionally regulating my friendships because of that. And that just spills into everything else. I feel bitter towards other people. I feel like shit reading about all the loneliness people experience on here because I have what they want and I hate it. I tell myself I'd rather be alone, but I don't think that's true either. Just before I met all my current friends, I had been alone for over a year. And that was the most depressed I've ever been.

I don't know.

Grass is always greener I guess.