Venting Does anyone else feel like conversations with loved ones go in circles?

[Lycoris]

Even though I technically have a social support system of my brothers, my 2 remaining friends and the internet it feels like its pointless to reach out because every conversation ends the same way. I either hold back about how deeply I want to die and they either give me platitudes, advice that implies I havent desperately tried or wanted to work, or the only thing they have left to say is that they hope things get better? I know they dont hate me and logically theyve done things that are loving toward me like helped me with medical bills and been there for me for other smaller issues. It just feels so suffocating and like im trapped knowing I cant rely on anyone with my true emotions because I'm scared they are going to force me to go to the psych ward making my money issues even worse or theyre going to downplay it because they feel scared and threatened. Professionals are also not an option due to money reasons and the fact i've gone consistently since I was 8 years old when it was court ordered. I've done CBT, DBT, EMDR, etc and tried many different therapists that ultimately end up only healing me until I'm stable enough to be productive for society again. Tired of the loop and seeing it coming and giving myself learned helplessness.

 

[SarahThrowsGin]

To me, it is not just feeling. It is what it is: the conversations go in circles, their perspective doesn't change.

One exception: I did get my mother to be less confrontational, to realize that circumstances aren't going to improve from arguments. But only that far: they won't budge their opinions but now are more likely to keep them to themselves. Unfortunately, they are plain incapable of empathy, so when I struggle, I have no one to reach out to. I didn't get any success with making therapists realize one can have threats in the present rather than in the past, either, and have abandoned therapy over this, and over them screwing up what works for me.

 

[NutOrat]

What an insanely relatable post! Are you me? Wtf?

In all seriousness, I totally feel you, especially with the "responsibility piling" that my family does whenever I open up about my troubles. "Why are you not talking with us? Please say what's wrong!" And whenever I do tell them, they feel attacked, like how dare I ask for sympathy?! It's your own fault, you're doing nothing, you just need to get a job, and all your problems will magically go away. Just this morning my brother was SO worried, he asked me "what's wrong?", but when I told him, he just said that I'm a "self-fulfilling prophecy" and that it's on me. Really great way of offering help, and no, not even a shred of empathy. All I want is to be understood, to not have my pain be invalidated because it's my fault. I'm so tired of feeling guilty for my own misfortune, it's suffocating. I can't talk to anyone in my life, because the outcome is ALWAYS the same, yet for some stupid reason I still try again and again.

 

[ManOfTheYear]

Your expecting an answer from them that doesn't exist as the only answers they can give you are the ones you have already gotten. Realistically their not going to have any more answers than you do cause those are the answers. Dissect the situation and what you can see is a dissatisfaction within the expectation of change or something new. And there is nothing wrong with that, you are seeking help, at a loss and want to be found. So what exactly would be the answer that would satisfy these cycling talks? Do you want them to agree and understand that you are suffering and there is nothing more for you? Do you want to just be able to openly vent these thoughts in your head without repercussions designed by the living to people close enough?

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

I don't even bother trying to talk about my feelings with anyone. I changed my phone number and haven't contacted my family for weeks now. i barely talk to anyone on my campus either, and online i don't do much besides shitpost. The way i see it, there's really not much to talk about. I'll just spend my last 2 months focusing on myself and doing whatever i want (to an extent, I'm not just gonna turn into a huge asshole). My family won't hear anything about where i am or what I'm doing until it's already done

 

[Dejected 55]

Conversations with other people always go in circles for me. I don't even expect them to understand anymore. I'm tired of the conversations... repeating my story over and over... same with therapists too... over and over... and they get tired of hearing my story even when they ask... and no one ever says anything new, just repurposing tired cliches and buzzwords they heard someone else say once and think that is what fixes everything.

I get so tired genuinely trying to be open and honest and communicating with other people to no avail. It's not even usually their fault... but it never helps, often makes me just feel more isolated, alone, not at all seen or heard or understood.

 

[Mooncry]

As one of my favorite song lyrics goes, "I hate to talk about what's bothering me, because no comfort ever comforts me."

I don't talk to anyone about how I feel nowadays. The last time I tried was with my sister and it was clear that she just didn't know what to say to me, or was only going to guilt trip me by telling me that I "was just going to give up without even trying," as if me making an effort to continue living on borrowed time isn't me trying. Clearly not hard enough it would seem.

And in all fairness, maybe I don't make it particularly easy for people to talk to me. I make so many kms jokes these days that my boyfriend no longer takes me seriously about it, which is ultimately good for me since it keeps him off my back. But I admit it does hurt a bit when I break down and say "Next year, I'll do it," only for him to respond with "That's what you said last year." Like… okay? Are you suggesting I should just get on with it already?

I dunno… If not even I have the answers to my problems, then certainly nobody else does either. I've learned that, at some point, it's just better to shut up and suffer in silence, especially when most societies offer only punishment to people stupid enough to voice their need for help. It's really tragic…

 

[monkeybone]

Even though I technically have a social support system of my brothers, my 2 remaining friends and the internet it feels like its pointless to reach out because every conversation ends the same way. I either hold back about how deeply I want to die and they either give me platitudes, advice that implies I havent desperately tried or wanted to work, or the only thing they have left to say is that they hope things get better? I know they dont hate me and logically theyve done things that are loving toward me like helped me with medical bills and been there for me for other smaller issues. It just feels so suffocating and like im trapped knowing I cant rely on anyone with my true emotions because I'm scared they are going to force me to go to the psych ward making my money issues even worse or theyre going to downplay it because they feel scared and threatened. Professionals are also not an option due to money reasons and the fact i've gone consistently since I was 8 years old when it was court ordered. I've done CBT, DBT, EMDR, etc and tried many different therapists that ultimately end up only healing me until I'm stable enough to be productive for society again. Tired of the loop and seeing it coming and giving myself learned helplessness.

I cant discuss how im feeling with my mom she will end up scolding me everytime she has no idea on how to help me and i dont blame her i just keep it to myself nowadays i am jobless i was stalked/harrassed and i found people that are supposed to help u rather had made me uncomfortable and been judgemental towards me so i dont go to therapy anymore i struggle to even get out that fucking door for them to just treat me judgementally which i think if u tryna help somebody u should be supportive and loving which this world lacks all of this and they keep charging me money for medicine that wont change anything i been through this over and over again ofc i have no friends either bro find something that u enjoy doing i suggest

 

[daruino]

Wow! Your post really spoke to me. Especially that last part about how therapies only really end up healing until we're stable enough to be productive for society, and then we're deemed to be "better". We are always left to spiral again. I guess that is just how the system is set up.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

My poor dad. He's stronger than I am, so how can I criticize him? His life is work, TV, cooking, and his friend group (pickleball and fishing). He keeps in touch with college friends from 40 years ago too. All that is good!

I guess I want...approval for suicide? Of course he can't give that. He tells me I have my whole life ahead of me with so many opportunities, yada yada. When I say I can't live with the knowledge of opportunities already blown and that I'd rather be unconscious, he says he's not a professional and can't deal with suicide talk. And that's that.

I think I've prepared him enough. As much as I can, anyway. I just don't think I can pull off the act. I'm probably going to wait until I have some money and buy a gun. The other methods are too hard.

 

[hopemeetshopeless]

Yes. No one is ever willing to have an actual good faith philosophical discussion about the ethics and rationality of suicide without throwing worthless and meaning less platitudes or logical fallacies at you. No, not everything always get's better for everyone. No one even tries to understand. We live in a CULTure that doesn't allow critical or nuanced thinking regarding the basic and fundamental human right to choose how and when one ends their own life. I hate this world. I fucking hate this world.

 

[heywey]

As time goes on I find I appreciate platitudes more and more. It feels so inadequate when someone says, yknow, 'look on the bright side', 'hope things get better', or gives some useless advice, but then, what would be adequate? There aren't any words that can magically fix my problems. So I try to take the platitudes for what they are, just a way of saying "I don't know what I can do to help, but I care about you and want you to be well".

Though, there is a fine line between encouraging someone to overcome their issues and laying blame for those issues existing in the first place, or worse, denying their existence. I'll gladly take dumb advice and platitudes all day, as long as there isn't that undercurrent of "Well, you'd be alright if you just did xyz, you're obviously not trying hard enough".

 

[Lycoris]

Your expecting an answer from them that doesn't exist as the only answers they can give you are the ones you have already gotten. Realistically their not going to have any more answers than you do cause those are the answers. Dissect the situation and what you can see is a dissatisfaction within the expectation of change or something new. And there is nothing wrong with that, you are seeking help, at a loss and want to be found. So what exactly would be the answer that would satisfy these cycling talks? Do you want them to agree and understand that you are suffering and there is nothing more for you? Do you want to just be able to openly vent these thoughts in your head without repercussions designed by the living to people close enough?

I just want to be heard is all, but those types of conversations always end up revolving around how they feel about my feelings so I'm put in the role of the one who is doing the soothing/consoling. A lot of the times it ends up in me feeling worse or just downplaying how bad it is which is why I just dont open up to anyone anymore and have been self isolating for a year now. I never really wanted answers and made it clear to my family and friends but everyone always has the mindset of wanting to fix me or trying to convince me that im exaggerating how painful life is. It doesnt feel good to effectively have nobody that cares. At least not in any meaningful way...