Venting Do your parents accept you for who you are?

[Gangrel]

Do your parents accept you for who you are?

I had a huge fight with my mom today over my sexuality. We were talking about last names, and I said that if I married my partner, I'd take his name. She got furious and started saying that being gay is a choice, that I chose to be gay. I told her that I've wanted to kill myself over things like this before, and she told me I should just do it. After that, it was just more arguing and fighting. My anxiety went through the roof, so I went to my room, and of course she acted like nothing had happened afterward. At least my partner was there later to play games with me, so I didn't feel so alone. I practically begged them to play with me, but it was such a relief. I really didn't want to be alone with my thoughts. I also ended up crying in front of them on the call, it was horrible, I could barely hold it together.

 

[cakedog]

not completely
most of my decisions and the way i do things need to be under their own terms which sucks because they end up doing more harm than good
everything they do and say is for my own good only ends up leaving me in a worse situation
they really aren't happy for me being who i truly am they just want to fabricate a clueless and soulless creature that fits their stupid ideals

 

[Lady_V]

What an evil parent to tell their child to kill themselves. I hope you can find a way to get away from her. Wanting a dead son over a gay son is disgusting.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Dad kicked the bucket long before I ever came out. But he used anti-queer [and racist and sexist and...] slurs pretty openly. Don't think he'd be that thrilled.

Mom didn't give a shit, didn't change who I was to her.

 

[justanotherbody]

I was fortunate enough to have been born to, by most metrics, great parents.
They were not perfect. They were in absolute denial of anything related to psychology or mental health. According to them: if you couldn't see it, there was no problem.
As a teenager with depression and anxiety, "get over it" and "deal with it" was the kind of support I got from them. "Everybody gets sad", "just stop worrying", "it's all in your head", etc.
The depression and anxiety stemmed from my lifelong struggles with misophonia and from likely undiagnosed autism. Both of which they refused to believe were valid conditions.

That said, they never wished death upon me nor encouraged me to kill myself. So I do not, in any way, have experiences with mine as severe as yours. So I cannot imagine how shitty that feels.

 

[sanctionedusage]

no, i usually end up cutting or bruising myself when i forget, get too comfortable, and get a brutal reality check from them

theyre not as much of an evil cunt as this though

have you considered staging a hyperrealistic fake suicide with professional sfx/blood, razor blades or a shotgun prop and everything, just to traumatize the fuck out of her?

 

[astr4]

i'm so sorry bro. you deserve a mom who's only complaint is that they're not taking YOUR last name. who's excited to have them over for dinner and get to meet the person that makes you so happy. sucks man.

i'm glad you have your partner to comfort you, i know it's always awkward crying in front of someone else but they're ur partner they care abt u im sure they're just sad they can't do more to help. it sucks that ur in this situation. im privileged enough to be bi and i've just never brought a woman home (sorry ex gfs) so idk. i think you're a lot braver than me. i'm really sorry that ur getting all this shit from ur mom as a consequence tho. i wish it were always like in the movies where they're just like "we love you no matter what". and i also hope you manage to get out of this living situation soon. i'm sure it doesn't help the desire to die to be stuck under the same roof with someone telling you to kill yourself.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

Nope. Came out to them so they'd stop pestering me about kids, then kept asking me about if I'll change my mind about having an opposite sex relationship, then when that got annoying I went back in the closet in a "just kidding I'm not gay" way and now they're back to pestering me about kids. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

[badatparties]

What a world. If your kids don't turn out the way you wanted them to, you just stop loving them, kick them out, disown them, and in some cultures, even kill them. This world is dog shit, and no amount of putting lipstick on a pig therapy will make it better.

 

[cowplantabduction]

My dad is similar....he's a transphobic, MAGA conservative shithead who, when he found out I was self-harming as a teenager, told me to "cut deeper".

I'm stuck living with him again but I don't speak to him. I haven't properly initiated a conversation with him in years. I will never open up to him the way I used to as a kid, never share my thoughts, opinions, or feelings with him again.

When dealing with family like this it's best to just detach yourself, close yourself off from them as much as possible. Then one day you'll be far away from her and she'll never be able to hurt you again.

 

[wordsoutb4sumnelsin]

hate those fucking parents, especially for y'all poor lgbtq+ folks... so recall being younger and wishing it was A JOB to take out evil people like them making people only to then do what they do... mine just invalidating, unavailable, and with their own generational trauma and lack of awarenesses. Plenty shit, but comparatively "loving" to so many evil assholes just easily able to force people into this world, only to suffer

... anyways, for the op and those similar, best of luck. if 'only your current circumstances', wish I could magic wand shit for y'all. just give love.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sort of- mostly. But then, I comply mostly. Both without effort- I also don't think my Dad would be all that happy if I was gay. He outright said once, he'd have to accept it but, he'd be disappointed. I'm not but, that wouldn't have been nice to hear otherwise! But then- I make efforts to comply in other ways- working. Not being a burden on them. There are definitely things they are disappointed in though, as well. But overall- they're more likely I think to accept me, rather than lose me, I would think.

I'm so sorry your Mum reacted like that though. That sounded so cruel.

 

[Eden.temp]

Do your parents accept you for who you are?

I had a huge fight with my mom today over my sexuality. We were talking about last names, and I said that if I married my partner, I'd take his name. She got furious and started saying that being gay is a choice, that I chose to be gay. I told her that I've wanted to kill myself over things like this before, and she told me I should just do it. After that, it was just more arguing and fighting. My anxiety went through the roof, so I went to my room, and of course she acted like nothing had happened afterward. At least my partner was there later to play games with me, so I didn't feel so alone. I practically begged them to play with me, but it was such a relief. I really didn't want to be alone with my thoughts. I also ended up crying in front of them on the call, it was horrible, I could barely hold it together.

My parents accept the idea of me that they have in their heads. I'm not allowed to articulate stress or struggles without being seen as the issue in this disfunctional excuse for a family. Any time I make a personal choice that goes against the picture perfect idea they had in mind for me I get ridiculed, coping mechanisms get labeled as damaging and I get guilt tripped and blamed for their poor mental health. And if they ever do anything for me they keep expressing how much they're doing for me and how much effort they put into being "good parents".

 

[vividly]

No. Not my Father. That's why I sent him a real nasty text message so I can give him the middle finger for eternity when I eventually ctb.

 

[TheOneFreeDude]

My mother never actually cared about my sex life. Not in the bad sense, but in the sense that there's not a single thing I could do that would make her judge me or look down on me. She respects me for whatever I am or do. My father might pretend he doesn't care, but he has his own opinions. Can't judge him.

 

[si4]

Do your parents accept you for who you are?

I had a huge fight with my mom today over my sexuality. We were talking about last names, and I said that if I married my partner, I'd take his name. She got furious and started saying that being gay is a choice, that I chose to be gay. I told her that I've wanted to kill myself over things like this before, and she told me I should just do it. After that, it was just more arguing and fighting. My anxiety went through the roof, so I went to my room, and of course she acted like nothing had happened afterward. At least my partner was there later to play games with me, so I didn't feel so alone. I practically begged them to play with me, but it was such a relief. I really didn't want to be alone with my thoughts. I also ended up crying in front of them on the call, it was horrible, I could barely hold it together.

um no my mom always said being gay was a sin and embarrassing to her and that I don't know how much people really talk about me. that was mostly in 5th grade to 7th grade until I got my first boyfriend. now i haven't dated or talked to a girl romantically since then despite me still being definitely at least a little gay.

 

[MyLastTour]

Well my mum would accept me almost no matter who or what I were I think, my dad not so much. They split up before I could remember and to cut a long story short, although my father and I had been talking to one another. It was about 50/50 in terms of how enjoyable it actually was.

Looking back, that piece of shit was very emotionally abusive. Part of me justifies it still, but looking back at the receipts of what he actually said is a slap of reality every time I look at it. To directly quote:

...I'm not worried about you taking the early exit. You don't have the guts. I see right through you and your BS. "a life you would be satisfied with " ? You selfish little cunt. Do you have any idea how hard YOUR life has been on OTHER people

...

Well go fuck yourself. Your relationship failing. You ending up in some dead end job.
​

By the way, he sent this around two years ago, not too long after a time where I was fucking hospitalised because my psych thought I was going to CTB. There is more too, he practically sent chapters at a time, but I felt that passage from that time period was the most notable. God I can only imagine how much worse it'd have been if I were questioning at the time. I regret ever telling him anything about how I was feeling or what I was going through.

Oh my god my reply got flagged??? Jesus, I didn't even process it being that bad. Also forgot to mention he sent that FOR MY BIRTHDAY AS WELL!! Sorry to the poor mod having to approve this again, I just wanted that bit of extra context.