Discussion Do you want to be around people? Poll

[Forever Sleep]

Just curious really. I know there are lots of lonely people on the forum who seem to crave the company of others. But then also, those who are happier being alone. I was curious to see where the majority lie.

I prefer to be alone really. I don't have any great cravings to be around people. In fact, having to be in certain social situations causes me massive anxiety. There again, I'd be lost without this forum. I obviously need some sort of interaction with other humans.

There again, while I usually somewhat dread having to see people, it can sometimes be an uplifting experience. It's still not something I go looking for now though. How about you?

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I don't need any kind of relationship with a human , especially not a romantic relationship

I do prefer to be by myself

not that talking to a human can't be entertaining it can but so can watching a video or talking to ai. but is that conversation or chat really going to help me solve my problems? does that conversation or video have something to do with really solving my problems? if not then it's wasted time imo. what is shortest and most valuable is time

there is always the constant pressure when communicating with humans to say things that they will agree with especially in person or with someone who knows your identity.

I constantly fear saying something that shows my intention to kill myself because they could report me

So I and humans are actors on a stage as Shakespeare said

I don't say anywhere except here that i think life is very bad in general. Have to keep under constant guard to not say how bad life is especially in person

there is always the constant pressure when communicating with humans that I will say something they consider insane, wrong, boring, evil, stupid , cringe, politically incorrect, offensive or something they disagree with. that creates constant suffering. for example i feel constant pressure at work to say the right things and to not do anything embarrassing boring or cringe. it's unfathomable to me how people can live with another human

for example on a romantic date u know the intense pressure is there and u are always thinking I hope I don't do or say something stupid. by myself there is much less of that pressure to perform or behave in "good" manner so I prefer to be by myself

for example some coworker or neighbor will say how are u and of course I have to lie and say I'm good how r u and pretend to care even if i Don't about this individual .

even while writing this post I'm wondering all that. so even here i don't say everything I'm thinking. with some ai there is less pressure although even some ai can ban u or block u or report u especially if u say something suicidal

to me nothing matters except me avoiding unbearable pain, then me avoiding suffering

and who is really being their real selves all the time? someone could be thinking the worst things about u or something u said but not show it

the ever deeper honesty book talks a lot about the evil of relationships and life which I agree with

I prefer to be by myself. But a trillion times more than that I prefer to not exist under any circumstances Non-existence forever the ultimate beauty and peace

 

[princexhhn]

I want to be around them but I also don't? I like being around people I can be comfy with and we can talk and I don't have to exert any battery! But such people are not super common, and I end up putting up some sorta social mask for the entire duration of our interaction. Just doing what I think "normal" people would do in social situations. If it's someone I'm comfy with, I can be as weird as I want! I also just generally like hanging out with people but at the same time wanna be alone. This makes me very indecisive when I'm asked if I want to hang out. I do want to, I guess, but I also kinda wanna just stay in my plushie nest and play games all day. Alone.

 

[WakingNightmare]

I don't like being around other people except my family, the problem is I need goods and services lol

 

[amerie]

I want to be around them but I also don't? I like being around people I can be comfy with and we can talk and I don't have to exert any battery! But such people are not super common, and I end up putting up some sorta social mask for the entire duration of our interaction. Just doing what I think "normal" people would do in social situations. If it's someone I'm comfy with, I can be as weird as I want! I also just generally like hanging out with people but at the same time wanna be alone. This makes me very indecisive when I'm asked if I want to hang out. I do want to, I guess, but I also kinda wanna just stay in my plushie nest and play games all day. Alone.

Why is this so real, like I want social interaction but the problem is I have to keep up this super fake persona so they don't think I'm a freak and I just feel so empty and uncomfortable afterwards because the connection isn't even genuine. The only time I've ever felt connected is when I finally let loose and that's when people avoid me.

I'm lowkey just accepting that I'll be technically forever alone and not in an incel way where I'll have absolutely zero friends but they're just acquaintances to save face and have connections and basic community

 

[Wrath]

I wish there was an option for "I want to be around people, but when I try I get absolutely bodied". I chose yes and alone, as well as other.

 

[MyShadow]

This past year has crushed my ability to be around people. So many terrible things have happened, so many betrayals, so many disappointing and destructive situations, I just don't know how to respond or react to people. I've become very withdrawn and isolated, mostly because things have gone so wrong in my life and it's all I think about.

I've always been cautious and a little anxious in social situations, especially with large groups or with people that I don't know, but now I find myself retreating whenever I am expected to be around others. Communication used to be easy, but now I find myself feeling awkward when put into a social situation or when I have to interact with someone.

For example, with those "How are you doing?" conversations, I either say too much or respond with a quick "I'm OK" when I'm clearly not OK. Nobody knows that my suicidality has shifted to the planning stage, and so I have to pretend that everything is at least manageable in my life.

One of the most disappointing things I've discovered is that nobody cares. This is especially true when things are going wrong. They want to hear about your hustle, your grind, your solutions, not that you've reached the end and seriously considered suicide as a way out of the never-ending pain and misery you're experiencing. Sadly, when I shared that fact with a few close friends, they quickly disappeared.

Here's the tricky part. I am in a leadership position that requires me to interact with others, to direct them to achieve a desired result and then give them feedback. I used to love my job but now I dread these interactions because of my mental state.

 

[unluckysadness]

In my case it's very complicated. My body and my mind are not relaxed when I'm with people (even my own family). When I'm alone, I feel I can be 100% myself without playing a role. I think it's because of my supposed autism. But the real reason could be in my brain : humans made me suffer since I was a little child, and it's like my brain understand it and so I'm avoiding people. Human beings are the worst species in the universe, so it's not really surprising to fear other people

 

[FoxSauce]

I do wanna be around people. I just really hard to maintain relationships.

To be fair finding real people that care fo you is super rare nowadays. Some people will use you from your own gain.

Is difficult for me to trust people thinking they judt pitty me so their hanging out with me.

Idk is kinda a slipery slope

 

[PixelAngel]

I've been quite frustrated the past few years with my friends assuming that my tendency to be solitary means by extension that I don't have the same social desires and needs as other people, even when I say outright that I do. I isolate because doing otherwise continues to produce pain and discomfort and no real benefits. I WISH I felt comfortable around others. I WISH I could make a friend who doesn't eventually ditch me. I've given up on romance but not because I don't deeply wish someone would love me, I just consistently get burned regardless of what I do so I've quit even trying for romantic connection.

It's just safer to go it alone. Even if it wasn't, I don't have much choice, and am alone anyway because of social struggles, so I've had to get used to being solo.

 

[EternalHunger]

I do but I can't because I hurt the people around me; it's happened in almost every time I've tried to emotionally connect with others and continue to happen as long as I continue to fundamentally not truly comprehend others, I been masking just fine irl and don't even attempt on trying to build friendships online anymore due to the sheer number of times it twists into something else.

 

[SilentSadness]

I want to be around nice people, but they are rare unfortunately. I want to be away from cruel people or people who disagree with my views. Most of the time I just have to pretend.

 

[Dejected 55]

I had to vote "Other" because I am complex.

I want to be loved and in love with one special person... maybe we have kids even... those are people I would want to be around.

I don't otherwise need to be around most people, because most people are not who they seem to be. The ones who are who they seem to be aren't always awful, but I don't really connect with most of them because I am too different. Hypothetically if there were people I could connect with, would I want to be around them? Maybe, I don't know. It's a hypothetical because I've never met people who were enough like me to consider... but I do tend to think that even with a group of people who were like-minded and similar-natured, I would not really want to be around them all the time.

As a kid there were times when we had two or three dogs at the same time. I always felt guilty because I couldn't play with all of them equally even though I liked them equally... and I always felt guilty spending more time with one and neglecting another. If I knew a lot of decent people, I would never be able to fully express that with all of them, and I would always feel bad about that. I think I could only handle at most one life-partner (my wife), any kids we might have, and maybe one friend outside of my romantic relationship.

None of that is happening, though, so it's just a thought exercise.

 

[scordatura]

I usually say that I don't want to be around people, or sometimes that I hate people, but in reality I do want to feel close to someone, I feel I need to stay away from people for their sake though, I'm a hassle to deal with honestly.

 

[Remember]

Yes, but no. Yes, I want to be around the right people: people I can trust, people who care for me, people who make me happy, people who I make happy. No, I like being alone, everyone sucks, being kind to others is punished frequently and selfishness is encouraged by society.

I really like being alone, it feels good, I like my private space, I like being as quiet or as loud as I like (some people really need to turn down their music in public spaces.) I also really like being in intimate proximity with people I love. I like meeting interesting people and making friends (in theory, in practice this hasn't organically happened in years.)

So uh.. my answer is other. It's not straightforward or clean.

 

[Pluto]

 

[batmanreal]

i love being around other people, but it just doesn't work a lot of the time. even if i'm providing the most energy, i tend to be swept to the side or ignored to the point where i start feeling like shit and eventually stop talking. i love meeting new people, but everyone just leaves in the end. no matter what, i just never mean that much to anyone and i'll never be enough for anyone. i still love being around others, i love talking to people and being in big groups, but i can't help but avoid it now. i know how it'll end, so there's no point. i hate avoiding stuff like that, but i hate being ignored even more.

 

[ChosenUndead]

I like being around people! But I think due to me used to being alone, being on the other side of grief after losing a family member, and somewhat finding peace... I'm okay with being alone. I find solitude in it. Do I get lonely? Hell yes. But for now, I'm okay.

 

[leviant123]

loneliness is a bitch man

 

[30LoverForever]

I realised today that I need to learn to love my solitude more than anything and learn to be happy and joyful on my own
Im better off on my own, and happier that way
There's no unnecessary stress or drama
And honestly if I can't handle the stress of other human beings then it might just be better I literally be on my own.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Unfortunately, in my current situation, the people I hang out with are not as interested in spending time with me as I am with them.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

I've lived alone for most of my adult life, and up until last year I enjoyed spending time with family and friends every once in a while. When I left my country this year, I left knowing it would be the last time to see them, and I'm okay with that. Now, the only people I have to spend time with are at work, and although it's a lot of faking on my part, I'm okay with that too.

I do not see myself making new friends or joining social events. It's enough to fake being "normal" and I refuse to open myself to really feeling emotions again. The only person I want to be with is on another continent, but thankfully we have contact. Even though I was mostly alone my entire life, I now understand what lonely means, because he was the one who showed me that love is a two-way street.

 

[Higurashi415]

In real life I don't really care much for interactions whether I'm depressed or in hypomania, but here (and on Reddit, YouTube and such) I'm way more sociable. After giving it some thought, I came to the realization that it really has to do with the fact that discussing openly what I'm going through is near impossible IRL, whereas here it's practically expected. IRL I am, for all intents and purposes, forced to lie through basic human interactions, which explains why I probably don't enjoy it that much.

 

[Forever Sleep]

In real life I don't really care much for interactions whether I'm depressed or in hypomania, but here (and on Reddit, YouTube and such) I'm way more sociable. After giving it some thought, I came to the realization that it really has to do with the fact that discussing openly what I'm going through is near impossible IRL, whereas here it's practically expected. IRL I am, for all intents and purposes, forced to lie through basic human interactions, which explains why I probably don't enjoy it that much.

I'm the same. I'm rarely in contact with IRL friends. Family more because it's just something we feel obligated to do but, I suspect we both dread it to an extent. Me, because I have to try and keep it together for the length of the conversation. Them because I'm obviously miserable and resentful underneath it all and, who wants to hear that?

I agree though. There's something so reassuring about this place. I suppose to feel we can talk fairly openly about just how badly we feel.

I think some of it is to do with responsibility too. If we tell our loved ones, they will naturally worry. Some will feel the obligation to try to intervene and- we may genuinely not want that. We could also be greeted by annoyance too- which doesn't help.

I guess the annonymity here means we can be compassionate from a distance. There's not the obligation for us or others to become deeply invested and obligated. Kind of like we can dip in and out, according to how much emotional strength we have. While that's maybe not the most sincere and generous, I think it's necessary for people who are struggling themselves. It works in reverse too. It reassures me that people here don't have to 'listen' to my whinging and venting. They can skip it if they're not in the mood.

Maybe it isn't as stable as an IRL friendship but, the comfort comes from not expecting it to be stable from the start, I suppose. I've gotten better at being grateful for what people can spare without expecting it. Or, at least, I try to reassure myself that I have.

 

[EternalHunger]

I do but can't because I seem to fundamentally lack the necessary skills to maintain a healthy relationship, I just hurt everyone I ever had the slightest connection with; so I force myself to stick being alone.

 

[Higurashi415]

I'm the same. I'm rarely in contact with IRL friends. Family more because it's just something we feel obligated to do but, I suspect we both dread it to an extent. Me, because I have to try and keep it together for the length of the conversation. Them because I'm obviously miserable and resentful underneath it all and, who wants to hear that?

I agree though. There's something so reassuring about this place. I suppose to feel we can talk fairly openly about just how badly we feel.

I think some of it is to do with responsibility too. If we tell our loved ones, they will naturally worry. Some will feel the obligation to try to intervene and- we may genuinely not want that. We could also be greeted by annoyance too- which doesn't help.

I guess the annonymity here means we can be compassionate from a distance. There's not the obligation for us or others to become deeply invested and obligated. Kind of like we can dip in and out, according to how much emotional strength we have. While that's maybe not the most sincere and generous, I think it's necessary for people who are struggling themselves. It works in reverse too. It reassures me that people here don't have to 'listen' to my whinging and venting. They can skip it if they're not in the mood.

Maybe it isn't as stable as an IRL friendship but, the comfort comes from not expecting it to be stable from the start, I suppose. I've gotten better at being grateful for what people can spare without expecting it. Or, at least, I try to reassure myself that I have.

Precisely. I somewhat do the same (dipping in and out according to how much emotional strength I have) with IRL friendships as well, but it's harder to do and most people in my experience get offended by it, which would be another conversations entirely...
Anyways the forum format fits this style way better than real life, I've found.

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

When I'm around people, I get exhausted. When I'm alone, I feel lonely. My brain is designed to feel unhappy every moment.

 

[Lions303]

Im grateful and fortunate to have a couple of friends where I can talk to them about anything and everything. One is fairly close and shes amazing, will just say it how it is no bs, its just tough to have our schedules align to see each other then another friend quite far. Like a 2+ hr drive so we do try on a monthly basis. Would love to have a couple more meaningful and deep friendships like this

 

[Sinful]

I enjoy being around the people I mesh with well but you won't see me going out of my way to seek social interactions unless it is necessary for some reason.

These days I'm only connecting/communicating with a couple of closer friends from time to time, some family members and my personal yap-presso machi.. Er I mean SO.

 

[vitbar]

I'm pulled both extremes. I am very social, but habitual isolation is ingrained in me by years of doing what my social anxiety says: avoid! I'm not sure what I want.

For a long time I was very lonely. For a while now I've not often felt lonely. Used to it maybe, or more happy with myself, and the antidepression drugs. It only comes back after socialising. I realise what I'm missing.

Never does it seem like I have enough time to work, survive, hobbies, and socialise.