Discussion Do you think you'll cry if/ when you come to CTB? If so, why?

[Forever Sleep]

I think I probably would cry on the run up to it. I'm not entirely sure why. Not really because I'd be saying goodbye to life. I think I'm ready to. Not that things could have been vastly different. There were certainly some tragic elements to it but, I gave it my best shot. I don't think I'll be denying myself some great future either. I can only really envisage my current struggles continuing and, getting worse. So, logically, my decision feels sound.

I suppose I find death itself sad. Departing from people you love. Not for me- again, I don't believe I'll feel anything at all afterwards. More, maybe anticipating how they might react. Which is kind of presumptious and based on how I've reacted to death and loss. They may not react that way at all. It's hard to know for sure.

What are your feeling though? If you think you'll become tearful, is that because you worry it might mean you're not sure about the decision? Is there some sadness in saying goodbye to life or, cutting off future opportunities for things to change for the better? Or, is it sadness in sympathy for how people might react?

Or, maybe you think you won't be sad at all! I guess it would be especially interesting to hear from people who have attempted. How did you feel? Was it very robotic or, very emotional? Did your emotions make you abort an attempt maybe? Does fear just block everything else out maybe?

 

[sadalways]

I don't think i'll be able to cry, haven't done it in over a decade. But i will definitely feel some sadness due to how my mom will react to all this. If i could cry at that moment, it would be because of that.

 

[onthefence]

In order for me to actually go through with it I will have to be dissociated so no tears for me. Just disconnection and mechanically doing the needed steps.

 

[Hikari.]

I'd probably cry because I'm saying goodbye to all the connections I had with people knowing it'll all be over.

 

[reverieheart]

Yeah, I think I will cry. Not because of fear or pain, but because of my childhood, the memories that meant the most to me, and the things I once loved but don't feel the same anymore. I've always been sensitive, and this would be no different.

 

[roundforest]

I think I probably would cry on the run up to it. I'm not entirely sure why. Not really because I'd be saying goodbye to life. I think I'm ready to. Not that things could have been vastly different. There were certainly some tragic elements to it but, I gave it my best shot. I don't think I'll be denying myself some great future either. I can only really envisage my current struggles continuing and, getting worse. So, logically, my decision feels sound.

I suppose I find death itself sad. Departing from people you love. Not for me- again, I don't believe I'll feel anything at all afterwards. More, maybe anticipating how they might react. Which is kind of presumptious and based on how I've reacted to death and loss. They may not react that way at all. It's hard to know for sure.

What are your feeling though? If you think you'll become tearful, is that because you worry it might mean you're not sure about the decision? Is there some sadness in saying goodbye to life or, cutting off future opportunities for things to change for the better? Or, is it sadness in sympathy for how people might react?

Or, maybe you think you won't be sad at all! I guess it would be especially interesting to hear from people who have attempted. How did you feel? Was it very robotic or, very emotional? Did your emotions make you abort an attempt maybe? Does fear just block everything else out maybe?

I'll definitely be crying. My decision is based on the things I've done, and the guilt shame if not being able to live with it. Not being able to take care of my son and future ex if I go to prison instead of ctb. Luckily my life insurance doesn't have a clause for ctb. I'll be mourning the loss of not being able to watch my son grow, being there when he needed me etc... This is really my only option. So yes, I'll be a sobbing fool

 

[mikgazer6]

There is an indescribable feeling I get when connecting with the essence of music on the most intimate level. Thinking about death gives me a similar feeling. Except in this case it wouldn't just be thoughts, it'd be action. However, I can't remember the last time I cried and have a habit of distancing myself from emotions. Furthermore my ctb has and is continuing to be built upon reasoning and will be considerably planned out. So, would I cry when I come to ctb? Likely not, but I see a noticeable chance of it.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I'm sure I'll want to cry, but I doubt I'll be able too. I'm severely depressed and taking a hefty load of antidepressants so the crying instinct is messed up. It's like trying to sneeze buy it doesn't happen. Sometimes I get tears when I feel sad, I suspect that's all that will happen.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

In order for me to actually go through with it I will have to be dissociated so no tears for me. Just disconnection and mechanically doing the needed steps.

That's the way of the warriors

 

[bananaolympus]

I don't think so the best state of mind to ctb is to be entirely numb no emotions no concernings, in my first attempt i was like that it was piece of mind very relaxed

 

[Prism]

I almost certainly will, out of both fear and sorrow, unless I can find some way to numb those emotions.

 

[Mooncry]

I don't really know… I think I most likely will. I'm a pretty emotional person and I don't do well with endings, even my own. I think just the thought of everything I've ever known being suddenly no more is enough to cause a tearful reaction from me. And also crying out of being afraid, because that's another good reason. I feel like when I finally CTB with SN, it'll probably feel like speedrunning the stages of grief after I drink it. Emotions zipping all over the place, panicking and crying from SI before I finally am just too weak and out of it to cry anymore.

So yeah, it'll probably be very tearful. I'll mostly be crying for myself and not really for anyone else in the end.

 

[futurecorpse]

I'd cry because it's sad that this really may be it for me, meaning if my attempt is successful. It's also sad that I think ctb is really the best option for me at this point. Rationally, it's not, but I firmly believe things will not get better for me. I've accepted the fact that I won't find a husband who might want to start a family with me. I'm so damaged and traumatized, who could love someone like that? I've accepted the fact I won't see my niece grow up and when she's old enough to get her own phone, we won't be able to text each other. I'll miss my dad and cats too. That's the part that makes me emotional. A lot thought and consideration has been put into my decision to kill myself. With my previous suicide attempt, I was more determined than anything else. I didn't cry. I only cried because I seriously fcked up and was really counting on it to work. With all my previous 12 attempts, I was determined and hopeful. I really want to get tf out of here.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't really know… I think I most likely will. I'm a pretty emotional person and I don't do well with endings, even my own. I think just the thought of everything I've ever known being suddenly no more is enough to cause a tearful reaction from me. And also crying out of being afraid, because that's another good reason. I feel like when I finally CTB with SN, it'll probably feel like speedrunning the stages of grief after I drink it. Emotions zipping all over the place, panicking and crying from SI before I finally am just too weak and out of it to cry anymore.

So yeah, it'll probably be very tearful. I'll mostly be crying for myself and not really for anyone else in the end.

I think I'm the same. I don't like endings, deaths, goodbyes. Whether I'm witnessing them or, participating in them.

 

[Pluto]

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

I've cried during all my attempts and sometimes even just when I hear a mention of suicide when I don't expect to (I actually just cry a lot haha). I'm quite introspective so I like to think why that is - I think that I just don't like suicide, the idea of it and its necessity to me. Not too have too much self pity but I think it's tragic that I kill myself and this is what it's come to.

Though I've known for many years that my life ends by my own hands and crying hasn't stopped me from attempting - and after each failed attempt I found myself crying even harder.

 

[SoulCage]

Knowing that I am a hyper emotional excuse of a human, I know for sure that I will cry. Although crying in itself is so weird if you think about it. Why am I crying? Scientifically speaking it seems to help rebalance some chemistry in my brain, but also to let other humans know that my body is dealing with something it has no solution for.
But in my final moments I know there will be no one left to ask for help anymore. There is nothing left to try. Still my brain tries to fight it like a stupid moth flying into a lamp. Thinking about all the times I felt happy and safe. About everything I lost and logically cannot recover. What a human I once was and how other humans helped me to take care of survival.
Life really is disgusting.

 

[Peter Skellern]

In order for me to actually go through with it I will have to be dissociated so no tears for me. Just disconnection and mechanically doing the needed steps.

I think that's very much my thinking .

 

[bleeding_heart_show]

I think I will probably cry out of frustration.

 

[jernmo]

I will definitely be crying out of relief and guilt. I have always been sensitive and have never been able to handle my emotions correctly so it will be hard for me.

 

[BlooBerryBanjo3000]

I think I probably would cry on the run up to it. I'm not entirely sure why. Not really because I'd be saying goodbye to life. I think I'm ready to. Not that things could have been vastly different. There were certainly some tragic elements to it but, I gave it my best shot. I don't think I'll be denying myself some great future either. I can only really envisage my current struggles continuing and, getting worse. So, logically, my decision feels sound.

I suppose I find death itself sad. Departing from people you love. Not for me- again, I don't believe I'll feel anything at all afterwards. More, maybe anticipating how they might react. Which is kind of presumptious and based on how I've reacted to death and loss. They may not react that way at all. It's hard to know for sure.

What are your feeling though? If you think you'll become tearful, is that because you worry it might mean you're not sure about the decision? Is there some sadness in saying goodbye to life or, cutting off future opportunities for things to change for the better? Or, is it sadness in sympathy for how people might react?

Or, maybe you think you won't be sad at all! I guess it would be especially interesting to hear from people who have attempted. How did you feel? Was it very robotic or, very emotional? Did your emotions make you abort an attempt maybe? Does fear just block everything else out maybe?

I would cry, knowing how my family would react to my death. It's the reason why I'm still alive. Only for their sake.

 

[Despair 7]

Just thinking about suicide brings me so much joy. I can't imagine how much happy I will be before committing it

 

[Forveleth]

I cried during some not as serious attempts because I was doing them out of frustration. As a rule now though, I will not make an attempt unless I am nice and calm. My two serious attempts I was calm and even in a somewhat good mood.

 

[divinemistress36]

Hopefully the benzos will numb me to much to cry

 

[human909]

I don't think i will cry to be honest, i think i will just feel relief that i can finally escape life.

 

[Zyntkalla]

I don't really know… I think I most likely will. I'm a pretty emotional person and I don't do well with endings, even my own. I think just the thought of everything I've ever known being suddenly no more is enough to cause a tearful reaction from me. And also crying out of being afraid, because that's another good reason. I feel like when I finally CTB with SN, it'll probably feel like speedrunning the stages of grief after I drink it. Emotions zipping all over the place, panicking and crying from SI before I finally am just too weak and out of it to cry anymore.

So yeah, it'll probably be very tearful. I'll mostly be crying for myself and not really for anyone else in the end.

Your situation is almost like me. I am pretty emotional even just thinking about it is making me tear up. I don't do well with ending mostly learning new skills, games not to sure with CTB. Myself with everything stop existing seems more like freedom for me. I had a few issues growing up and they still affect me to this day. The only thing that I might get emotional is thing that could have been. But at this moment I just feel sad about it.

 

[BlockHammer]

I don't even know if im able to cry, it's been a long time since i cry. Maybe my reaction is going to be apathetic toward my death. I guess if i really decided to CTB then it means that i already try my hardest and my situation hasn't change, so why bother crying for this kind of life

 

[NorthernC]

I'm crying. I've assembled everything. I've tested the bag and the elastic. I'm so ready

 

[seekingnothingness]

Just speculation but we're probably wired to feel sad at the thought or act of suicide because it's bad from an evolution standpoint.
I'll for sure be crying.

 

[Candleburn]

I think I probably would cry on the run up to it. I'm not entirely sure why. Not really because I'd be saying goodbye to life. I think I'm ready to. Not that things could have been vastly different. There were certainly some tragic elements to it but, I gave it my best shot. I don't think I'll be denying myself some great future either. I can only really envisage my current struggles continuing and, getting worse. So, logically, my decision feels sound.

I suppose I find death itself sad. Departing from people you love. Not for me- again, I don't believe I'll feel anything at all afterwards. More, maybe anticipating how they might react. Which is kind of presumptious and based on how I've reacted to death and loss. They may not react that way at all. It's hard to know for sure.

What are your feeling though? If you think you'll become tearful, is that because you worry it might mean you're not sure about the decision? Is there some sadness in saying goodbye to life or, cutting off future opportunities for things to change for the better? Or, is it sadness in sympathy for how people might react?

Or, maybe you think you won't be sad at all! I guess it would be especially interesting to hear from people who have attempted. How did you feel? Was it very robotic or, very emotional? Did your emotions make you abort an attempt maybe? Does fear just block everything else out maybe?

Yes. I will cry for all dreams that never happened. I will cry because this is my only options even though I wish there was other options