Do you think they will ever acknowledge that you tried enough?

[noname223]

I can remember when right to die activist Adam Maier-Clayton (he had a Youtube channel) committed suicide. The comment section is full of people that pretend to know how easily his condition could have been improved. I think all of this is cynical bullshit. And he even adressed it while he was alive.

Personally, I tried over 25 medication, 4 psychotherapies and 7 clinic stays. I think if I killed myself my parents would have never acknowledged how much I tried and how severely ill I am. Even my friends think maybe there is something new I could try it is too early to ctb.

I don't want ECT. And my issues can't be fixed by that anyway. Some people see suicide as the easy way out. But I tried so fucking much. I even considered to go to a sex worker. Some of my attempts to recover backfired. College ruined my mental health and the longterm impact might drive me over the edge.

I woke up at 3 a.m. once again and could not sleep longer. This is torture.

 

[savory]

Nope it's why I don't intend on leaving much of a suicide note. The act of killing myself will discredit anything I could possibly say or explain. Only weak, crazy people kill themselves. People think I'm weak and crazy now, so fuck it

 

[me_when_:D]

Nope it's why I don't intend on leaving much of a suicide note. The act of killing myself will discredit anything I could possibly say or explain. Only weak, crazy people kill themselves. People think I'm weak and crazy now, so fuck it

giving context to your death could paint you in a stronger light in the view of those who you care about.
From what I am seeing, people don't expect other people to have hard and painful past, which accounts for a lot of "suicide is weak" phrases that were said.
Regular people often protect their mind from harsh truths, which makes their lives a lot easier, so you shoving the reality down their throat could make them reconsider your "weakness".

It shocked me when I was told "Oh no, what happen dude? U go to the gym and attend university, everything looks great" in response to "I don't date much due to not being in the right mental health". They live such simple lives....

 

[LittleJem]

Torture is the word

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it's more likely my suicide would come as a shock to maybe the majority of people because I have very little history with psychiatric treatment and live a (relatively) 'normal' life.

More than likely, they'll still blame depression though. They always seem to. Perhaps they're right. I'm not fully against the diagnosis but I doubt I'd be able to be this high(ish) functioning if it were truly that severe. So, if it isn't mental illness I should have fought harder against, it must be life itself. I have fought hard in life though.

The bigger question I think is: Why am I fighting so hard? What for ultimately? For me? What if I don't value life and my contribution to capitalism the same way you do? Surely- it's down to our personal beliefs so- sure- they might think or say it but it wouldn't exactly bother me (not that it could once I was dead) because the way I see it is- they were happy to comply with the whole: 'your life is unique and precious' rhetoric and, I wasn't.

For me, the right to autonomy is more valuable- which includes the right to end my life. (Both beliefs prohibit murder by the way. I don't want it to seem like I think life/ autonomy doesn't need protecting. I'm not pro-mortalist. Rather, pro-choice. 'You should have fought harder' is pro-life though. It assumes life is worth fighting for. I don't always agree.)

The one that bothers me more is: 'How could you have done this to others?' As in- caused them that grief. I hope- if I do it, they will at least acknowledge that I lived with ideation for 34+ years without acting on it so as not to upset those closest to me. I likely will say that in my note. I suppose I do want people to acknowledge that I did fight and struggle on for a very long time. I think, more than long enough although, they may well disagree.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Humans tend to have this fallacy in their minds that trying always leads to success. If you didn't succeed, then you just didn't try enough or you simply didn't try the right thing. Indeed there are even many philosophies like that of a certain wrinkly green monk that say that trying doesn't even exist and that only actions count.

I don't know what to do about it except to just let people think what they want to think and when I die it doesn't matter that they'll say I should have tried harder. If they really cared so much then maybe they should have tried harder to make me want to try harder.

 

[savory]

so you shoving the reality down their throat could make them reconsider your "weakness".

No. I've never hid my troubles very well. From the start it was communicated to me that something's wrong with me, that I am wrong. People don't want to hear about my past, my feelings, what I believe in, and certainly not anything they've said or done that's hurt me. A few weeks ago my only friend told me flat out, "I don't want to connect to you." Someone I believed so far from the norm I've sometimes thought he's imaginary, the last person I expected to say anything like that to me. He silenced me and said his mind couldn't tolerate my pain. Astounding considering all he's doled out on me for years, and he genuinely believes we communicate telepathically (I do not) lol

My death will be reduced to having a weak predisposition, mental illness and being "selfish". I cant control what others think of me and they've already given me a good idea of what they think. I've tried writing a suicide letter about the adversity in my life, my beliefs about the world, oppression, psychiatry, and suicide, and it's futile. The people I've cared about, I don't want to be vulnerable to anymore.

 

[L'absent]

I can remember when right to die activist Adam Maier-Clayton (he had a Youtube channel) committed suicide.

What method did he use?



People will always say what is most comfortable for them. The one that makes them feel good about their beliefs and that brings the consensus of others. I don't believe in any form of dialogue between human beings. Unfortunately, things only change when you act violently. The Church and the tyrants imposed themselves violently and freedom was achieved with the French Revolution in a violent way. Italy and Germany were fascist and Nazi nations and these ideologies took power violently. Thanks to partisans, Americans and Russians we regained freedom in a violent way. The same goes for the LGBT community with the Stonewall riots and so on. From the Council of Arles onwards, suicide became a real crime and in the following years the families of people who committed suicide were persecuted. People who committed suicide were forbidden to be buried and in some cases the body of the suicide was dragged through the streets, their hands cut off, their assets confiscated. Then came the Renaissance and subsequently other historical eras that were anything but peaceful. Eventually suicide was decriminalized almost everywhere. In Western Europe, England and Ireland were among the last to update. However, suicide still remains a taboo and nothing you do will be free from exploitation by pro-lifers

 

[vercabow]

100%. i genuinely think that no one actually wants me alive because of me. for instance, my family only wants me alive because having a son that committed suicide is quite a shit stain on their reputation. everyone else doesn't know i'm depressed + wouldn't notice if i died the next day.

since no one values me, whether or not i tried or not would be the least of their concerns.

 

[noname223]

What method did he use?



People will always say what is most comfortable for them. The one that makes them feel good about their beliefs and that brings the consensus of others. I don't believe in any form of dialogue between human beings. Unfortunately, things only change when you act violently. The Church and the tyrants imposed themselves violently and freedom was achieved with the French Revolution in a violent way. Italy and Germany were fascist and Nazi nations and these ideologies took power violently. Thanks to partisans, Americans and Russians we regained freedom in a violent way. The same goes for the LGBT community with the Stonewall riots and so on. From the Council of Arles onwards, suicide became a real crime and in the following years the families of people who committed suicide were persecuted. People who committed suicide were forbidden to be buried and in some cases the body of the suicide was dragged through the streets, their hands cut off, their assets confiscated. Then came the Renaissance and subsequently other historical eras that were anything but peaceful. Eventually suicide was decriminalized almost everywhere. In Western Europe, England and Ireland were among the last to update. However, suicide still remains a taboo and nothing you do will be free from exploitation by pro-lifers

I think this is not publicly known. At least I don't know it. But I think he got help of an official organization.

 

[ringo99]

Never expect sympathy from society at large. The vast majority of people don't feel suicidal and won't be subjected to circumstances to push them that far. They've all been conditioned to think that people like us are weak and cowardly. I know my family will believe that without bothering to introspect even for a second to see whether they were at fault in any way considering they were responsible for a huge part of my mental and physical development for the formative years of my life. It's easier for them to live in an echo chamber of their own making instead of understanding the realities of the struggles we go through.

 

[needthebus]

I can remember when right to die activist Adam Maier-Clayton (he had a Youtube channel) committed suicide. The comment section is full of people that pretend to know how easily his condition could have been improved. I think all of this is cynical bullshit. And he even adressed it while he was alive.

Personally, I tried over 25 medication, 4 psychotherapies and 7 clinic stays. I think if I killed myself my parents would have never acknowledged how much I tried and how severely ill I am. Even my friends think maybe there is something new I could try it is too early to ctb.

I don't want ECT. And my issues can't be fixed by that anyway. Some people see suicide as the easy way out. But I tried so fucking much. I even considered to go to a sex worker. Some of my attempts to recover backfired. College ruined my mental health and the longterm impact might drive me over the edge.

I woke up at 3 a.m. once again and could not sleep longer. This is torture.

sex work isn't something the mental health industry recommends (primarily because they can't make money easily on it unless they themselves did the whoring, which they are too lazy to personally do)

therefore it is probably the most effective treatment option and you should do it

 

[Fire&Ash]

There was this girl in my church, I never met her, but she ctb with a gun because her boyfriend of 5 years broke up with her. I like to think that it was way more than that. But that's what the rumor mill said in the church. And everyone said she was going to hell and "how stupid of a reason it was." I think these same people have no empathy and shouldn't talk dirt about someone who ctb and shouldn't compare their own pain with others. Hell I feel like sometimes my reasons are stupid and I can do something about it but other times I remember how hard I already tried and how isolated I am. So I'm okay and accept that I will ctb, and I accept how angry people will be and how my family will be effected and how relatives will talk crap about me and so forth.