I watched some Lil Peep documentaries today. And I could relate to his experience of getting bullied. I was bullied for obesity and OCD. I mean we both were bullied for social awkwardness. But the main reasons of his bullying were: tatoos and drugs.
But I could fully relate to one thing. When he was an outcast due to his behavior he was reinforced in his patterns of behavior, He did not stop it. He went more into doing drugs and tatoos. When I was obese this perfectly fit to me. I was so often insulted and it rather reinforced my behaviors. I think there are studies that prove that fat-shaming increases the problem for many people. I wolf down all my sadness with eating shit. I was an outcast. And I had the feeling maybe it is better to stay away from other humans. Due to the fact they hurt me so much. It gave me the feeling mabye it is better to an outcast. Because I saw how brutal all the other average people were. Maybe it is better not to fit into them. Maybe it was kind of contrarianism. I could imagine Peep had similar thoughts. Though precisely these were not my thoughts.. I was not fully aware of it. I developed more self-consciousness when I grew older and read more science papers or literature. It rather was the gut feeling that drove me.
But I could fully relate to one thing. When he was an outcast due to his behavior he was reinforced in his patterns of behavior, He did not stop it. He went more into doing drugs and tatoos. When I was obese this perfectly fit to me. I was so often insulted and it rather reinforced my behaviors. I think there are studies that prove that fat-shaming increases the problem for many people. I wolf down all my sadness with eating shit. I was an outcast. And I had the feeling maybe it is better to stay away from other humans. Due to the fact they hurt me so much. It gave me the feeling mabye it is better to an outcast. Because I saw how brutal all the other average people were. Maybe it is better not to fit into them. Maybe it was kind of contrarianism. I could imagine Peep had similar thoughts. Though precisely these were not my thoughts.. I was not fully aware of it. I developed more self-consciousness when I grew older and read more science papers or literature. It rather was the gut feeling that drove me.
