Do you have self-loathing? Why so?

[WhatPowerIs]

I don't know how to phrase this properly. I've been thinking a lot about why I hate myself and I'm finding that I can pinpoint to a lot of things. Does anybody else suffer from self-loathing? Where does it originate, why do you hate yourself?

 

[lonelygirl111]

i struggle with hating myself. i think it all comes from the lack of love and acceptance i received as a kid. i guess i value validation from others above everything else so growing up without it set me up for failure as an adult who now hates myself. all of my self loathing stems off of my need to be liked and accepted and from there grows into many different things

 

[WhatPowerIs]

i struggle with hating myself. i think it all comes from the lack of love and acceptance i received as a kid. i guess i value validation from others above everything else so growing up without it set me up for failure as an adult who now hates myself. all of my self loathing stems off of my need to be liked and accepted and from there grows into many different things

Yeah I agree. I am constantly looking for validation, but what exactly should I be validated on? I have no useful skills, talents, or insights into anything, and I'm not even a particularly likable person. I suppose it's a very human feeling, to want to receive validation, but as a person whose self-loathing all the time, it's hard to find it from anyone, at the very least, I cannot even find it from myself.

 

[lonelygirl111]

Yeah I agree. I am constantly looking for validation, but what exactly should I be validated on? I have no useful skills, talents, or insights into anything, and I'm not even a particularly likable person. I suppose it's a very human feeling, to want to receive validation, but as a person whose self-loathing all the time, it's hard to find it from anyone, at the very least, I cannot even find it from myself.

i'm sorry. i know how you feel. i think it's hard to like ourselves when we genuinely see no particular reason to— i too have no talents or anything that gives me a sense of self worth big enough to make me like myself again. at the very least i wish we could find validation in ourselves since we can't get it from others but it's seemingly impossible

 

[WhatPowerIs]

i'm sorry. i know how you feel. i think it's hard to like ourselves when we genuinely see no particular reason to— i too have no talents or anything that gives me a sense of self worth big enough to make me like myself again. at the very least i wish we could find validation in ourselves since we can't get it from others but it's seemingly impossible

It is really hard to try to be a friend to yourself, and it is even harder to be a friend to yourself when you've been a victim of abuse or bullying or have been made to feel like a weak, frail little thing by people around you. If other people cannot see the good in us, then what incentive do WE have ourselves to see the good in us? Uphill battle, no easy solutions. I want to cry, and die.

 

[AloeGarten]

yea 100%, its not really my fault im so mentally ill but ive had such great oppertunities and met many good people but my brain ruins it all, so even though its not my fault im like this im the only one there is to blame
i also agree with what you said before, its hard to love youself when there really isnt anything to love, i hate my brain, how i look, act, everything. theres nothing to validate me on because i really do have nothing going for me

 

[WhatPowerIs]

yea 100%, its not really my fault im so mentally ill but ive had such great oppertunities and met many good people but my brain ruins it all, so even though its not my fault im like this im the only one there is to blame
i also agree with what you said before, its hard to love youself when there really isnt anything to love, i hate my brain, how i look, act, everything. theres nothing to validate me on because i really do have nothing going for me

I think I've had good opportunities also, and I'm trying to take advantage of those opportunities so I can appease my family, I'm just not sure how much longer I can keep going. Whether or not I met good people is hard to say. In real life I haven't met anybody, anybody I've regularly kept in contact with anyway, online I've met a lot of people but I do not discuss my suicidal intentions or even my depression with them.
Relate to your last points heavily. I hate my brain and how I think, I'm not particularly intelligent or articulate (especially compared to peers of my age group), I am ugly, hate my personality, everything.

 

[lonelygirl111]

It is really hard to try to be a friend to yourself, and it is even harder to be a friend to yourself when you've been a victim of abuse or bullying or have been made to feel like a weak, frail little thing by people around you. If other people cannot see the good in us, then what incentive do WE have ourselves to see the good in us? Uphill battle, no easy solutions. I want to cry, and die.

i think people who aren't like us will never know how much it hurts to be abused and bullied and made to feel like you're worth nothing, a nobody. for a while i have been waiting for change, to either find a friend or be a friend to myself but i've lost the desire i just accept it as it is. lots of the time i hold on because i think one day it'll come my way and i'll be happy again. but waiting is exhausting and cruel. i'm so sorry because i know how painful it is. in one way i feel better seeing that i am not alone entirely but in another i see how hurt u are and it is not fair. i wish you so much peace, the pain is undeserved

 

[JustSwingingTheD]

I don't know how to phrase this properly. I've been thinking a lot about why I hate myself and I'm finding that I can pinpoint to a lot of things. Does anybody else suffer from self-loathing? Where does it originate, why do you hate yourself?

My self loathing comes from my extreme sensitivity caused by my mild autism. It has caused me to be emasculated and ridiculed by other men, causing me to seek solitude from them. I no longer want male friends or companions of any kind, to be honest i kind of hate most other men. The more masculine and dismissive towards me the other man is, the more their company makes me think about extreme violence

It also comes from my bite malfunction that was not treated when i was a child, which left me as an unattractive adult. This has made it difficult for me to get female company.

My self loathing is also kind of absurd, because there is a contradiction. I loathe people who are manipulative and hard hearted from the bottom of my heart. At the same time, i loathe myself for not having some of the things that i imagine i could have had i been more manipulative and hard hearted. I realize i'm at a point where i'm mostly feeling negative about everything and that's pretty much it. I realize i should be nicer to myself for being nicer, or then stop judging the bad people and accept that this is how things work and do the same.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

My self loathing comes from my extreme sensitivity caused by my mild autism. It has caused me to be emasculated and ridiculed by other men, causing me to seek solitude from them. I no longer want male friends or companions of any kind, to be honest i kind of hate most other men. The more masculine and dismissive towards me the other man is, the more their company makes me think about extreme violence

It also comes from my bite malfunction that was not treated when i was a child, which left me as an unattractive adult. This has made it difficult for me to get female company.

My self loathing is also kind of absurd, because there is a contradiction. I loathe people who are manipulative and hard hearted from the bottom of my heart. At the same time, i loathe myself for not having some of the things that i imagine i could have had i been more manipulative and hard hearted. I realize i'm at a point where i'm mostly feeling negative about everything and that's pretty much it. I realize i should be nicer to myself for being nicer, or then stop judging the bad people and accept that this is how things work and do the same.

One of the cruelest parts of life is seeing how bad people get ahead by acting cruelly, through manipulation, and other such tactics. You see it in practically every industry, there's always a headline, etc. At the very least, I can pride myself on not being a bad person like that, but I feel like that's a really low bar. I have yet to meet anybody on the forum who is actually 'scum' so to speak.
The feeling of emasculation and ridicule is the worst. I've experienced a ton of that in school. Thank god I'm out now. I just wish those memories would leave my head, the people who have made fun of me before have certainly forgotten about me, so why can't I forget about them?

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I have chronic illness/pain, and it's slowly made me bitter. I hate it, I didn't used to be that way.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I have chronic illness/pain, and it's slowly made me bitter. I hate it, I didn't used to be that way.

I'm sorry to hear that. There are a lot of people on the forum who are suffering from chronic pain, not that that knowledge will make you feel any better, I can't even begin to imagine how much that would affect you not only on a physical level but also a psychological level. I'm so sorry.

 

[Anonymus]

Because I have betrayed myself, I have let myself be dominated by fear when making many decisions, most of which were fundamental to continue maturing as a person and to be able to have a better life.
In my body this feels like a betrayal and in my mind too, because knowing in some way what is best for you and not making the most appropriate decision out of sheer cowardice and to the detriment of your health can only bring more suffering.

//

Perquè m'he traït a mi mateix, m'he deixat dominar per la por alhora de prendre moltes decisions, la majoría de les quals eren fonamentals per seguir madurant com a persona i poder tenir una vida millor.
En el meu cos això se sent com una traició i en la meva ment també, doncs saber d'alguna manera el que és millor per tú i no prendre la decissió més adequada per pura covardía i en detriment de la teva salut només pot comportar més patiment.

 

[whatevs]

Yeah I agree. I am constantly looking for validation, but what exactly should I be validated on? I have no useful skills, talents, or insights into anything, and I'm not even a particularly likable person. I suppose it's a very human feeling, to want to receive validation, but as a person whose self-loathing all the time, it's hard to find it from anyone, at the very least, I cannot even find it from myself.

I like you, the tiny fraction I've seen of yourself.

 

[StolenLife]

I loathe myself because of dumb things I did in the past. I despise the fact that I didn't know how to use my teenage years and now I have no memories of that time at all nor any meaningful connections.

 

[makethepainstop]

You dear Sir or Madam, are not alone. Trust and believe, I'm with you+

 

[StarlightDreamer]

I personally hate myself for developing multiple chronic diseases, and becoming dependent on my parents to take care of me.

Strangely, there's a lot more I could hate myself for - missed connections, not saving any money, failing to fulfill all my dreams - but I've kinda come to terms with being a goddamn loser in life. Almost proud of it.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

For sure. A few reasons....I'm too sensitive, emotional, and IMO pretty pathetic for my age. Trying to work on things. Feel a bit more able to address things, which is a surprise. But self-compassion and patience for myself? Eh, I can't really have those yet because I still hate myself. I swear I can feel the self loathing in my body.

i'm sorry. i know how you feel. i think it's hard to like ourselves when we genuinely see no particular reason to— i too have no talents or anything that gives me a sense of self worth big enough to make me like myself again. at the very least i wish we could find validation in ourselves since we can't get it from others but it's seemingly impossible

Agreed, this is relatable. I truly don't know what anyone sees in me. I feel like a blob. I know I have to find validation from within, no one can truly give me that but myself, but it's so damn hard.

 

[akirat9]

i do not hate; so there is no no other friendship but with myself. i give myself peace from pain with sn no one else
i just never have chance break., dreams are silly, bla, bla

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I like you, the tiny fraction I've seen of yourself.

Thank you, that actually means a lot, I've always enjoyed reading your posts, you're a great presence on here I think.

I loathe myself because of dumb things I did in the past. I despise the fact that I didn't know how to use my teenage years and now I have no memories of that time at all nor any meaningful connections.

Did any of us know how to use our teenage years well? I wasted mine in front of a computer screen and I'm continuing to do so. I did so many dumb things too. I wish I could turn back time...

Because I have betrayed myself, I have let myself be dominated by fear when making many decisions, most of which were fundamental to continue maturing as a person and to be able to have a better life.
In my body this feels like a betrayal and in my mind too, because knowing in some way what is best for you and not making the most appropriate decision out of sheer cowardice and to the detriment of your health can only bring more suffering.

Fear rules my life. Besides anger, it's the most dominant emotion. So in that way, I too haven't matured as a person as well as I should have, and I have stunted myself developmentally. I see what you mean. Thank you.

I personally hate myself for developing multiple chronic diseases, and becoming dependent on my parents to take care of me.

Strangely, there's a lot more I could hate myself for - missed connections, not saving any money, failing to fulfill all my dreams - but I've kinda come to terms with being a goddamn loser in life. Almost proud of it.

Why do you blame yourself for developing chronic diseases?

For sure. A few reasons....I'm too sensitive, emotional, and IMO pretty pathetic for my age. Trying to work on things. Feel a bit more able to address things, which is a surprise. But self-compassion and patience for myself? Eh, I can't really have those yet because I still hate myself. I swear I can feel the self loathing in my body.

I'm also too emotional for my own good but I can thankfully hide it in public. I feel the self-loathing too: it's a poison, and it feels like fire. My head starts pounding when I'm crying, I always cry in anger before it breaks down into emotional sadness.

i do not hate; so there is no no other friendship but with myself. i give myself peace from pain with sn no one else
i just never have chance break., dreams are silly, bla, bla

Understandable..