A bit of both. I'm more compassionate towards myself than when I was younger. I definitely went through strong self hatred then.
There are things I do still hate. I don't like my appearance. I hate it that I've let myself get so fat. But then, I don't actually want a partner now. And, I spend most of my time alone. So, it's not like I'm inflicting my image on people much! So- the intensity of the self hatred and embarrassment is far less.
There are ways I've acted in life that I hate and regret. I've been really selfish. I've neglected people who did so much for me. I make lame excuses for all that- telling myself I was coming out of what I found a traumatic childhood- so- wasn't it inevitable I would concentrate on myself? I know it's a feeble excuse though.
I am still selfish but, I suppose in a way, I feel more justified now. I've partly abandoned people but- only after they abandoned me first.
Weirdly though now- it's more like I feel like I'm on the periphery of life. I'm not involved enough in the world to make all that much of a positive or negative difference to people. Which, I suppose in itself is bad but then, I don't really feel guilty about that either.
Generally though- if I am mean to myself, I try to find something kinder to counteract it. So- for example: What you've done there isn't great but- maybe there were reasons. Not that that's enough to forgive yourself necessarily but- I find it useful to look for patterns.
Some subjects are best kept away from, as are some characteristics in people. Not that either are necessarily bad in themselves but- due to prior experiences, they might trigger me to say stuff I later regret.
