Do you dream about your upcoming death (esp those who are spiritual/very intuitive)?

[NellyGoes]

I've always been someone who dreams a lot and usually always remember at least 1-2-3 dreams when waking up.

But as my (new — finally!!) date is coming closer again — my dreams include kinda random/silly things like "oh I guess I soon won't have to do XYZ — like cleaning or eating — anymore! Good to know." Or it might be about the things I'll leave behind... such as the letters in my home or things I've written down "to do". I've also had a few small (rather insignificant) things from my childhood rehashed… like that time I spent at the lake with my cousins who I now haven't seen since I was 10 etc.

And the feelings in my dreams about this are… a bit odd. Kinda almost neutral, definitely not utterly devastated (I won't be leaving many behind btw, basically all of my (few) loved ones have already crossed). Kinda more like "well that's a bit sad that you'll soon too be gone from the world huh?" But that's it. Idk if that's a good thing or am I supposed to be more or less sad about it?!

Do you guys have dreams about your upcoming death/"being gone-ness"? How do you feel about it?

 

[Sinful]

I had a dream that was related to me catching the bus last night, unfortunately I can't recall most of it but I do remember exchanging some messages with someone on this site for whatever reason and the next thing I remember is prepping my SN and getting annoyed because I was using opaque cups and couldn't see whether it was dissolved.

I have no idea if there was more/about the rest since I can recall my dreams for a very short period of time and usually forget most of it as the day goes on.

 

[unluckysadness]

I didn't dream about CTB ever, but since I'm on this forum, I dreamt 2 times about it.

Last night I dreamt about Nembutal. In my dream, I was with my former boss at the hospital I've worked for 4 years (he lost his daughter from suicide in the real life - she was a 34 yo doctor with 2 litte kids - sad story).

In my dream, there was a sort of medication distributer in front of me, and I could take all the pills I wanted... Then, I was put in a huge room (the dream as in a fictional hospital) with a lot of meds. And then I realized : OH MY GOD, I'M IN A HOSPITAL, FOR SURE THEY HAVE NEMBUTAL !! I'LL TAKE A BOTTLE WITH ME DISCRETELY ! Then I woke up... DAMN !!!!

 

[NellyGoes]

I do remember exchanging some messages with someone on this site for whatever reason and the next thing I remember is prepping my SN and getting annoyed because I was using opaque cups and couldn't see whether it was dissolved.

This was your dream or real life? Do you have your SN and everything ready/decided? Or still a bit wavering?

I didn't dream about CTB ever, but since I'm on this forum, I dreamt 2 times about it.

Last night I dreamt about Nembutal. In my dream, I was with my former boss at the hospital I've worked for 4 years (he lost his daughter from suicide in the real life - she was a 34 yo doctor with 2 litte kids - sad story).

In my dream, there was a sort of medication distributer in front of me, and I could take all the pills I wanted... Then, I was put in a huge room (the dream as in a fictional hospital) with a lot of meds. And then I realized : OH MY GOD, I'M IN A HOSPITAL, FOR SURE THEY HAVE NEMBUTAL !! I'LL TAKE A BOTTLE WITH ME DISCRETELY ! Then I woke up... DAMN !!!!

Ha yea that's something I would dream. Kinda odd and silly but reminders of what's on your mind…
And yeah I think browsing this forum a lot may for sure increase the likelihood. Though it's generally on my mind obviously. I guess that's the mind processing/preparing us…

 

[Sinful]

All of that happened in my dream, there was probably more to it... Oh well!

I have my SN/Meto ready and date is more or less decided, give or take a day or two. I'm 100% on catching the bus, only reason why I haven't gone thru with it yet is because I don't want to spoil others' good time on top of it and I have some loose ends to tie up

How about you?

 

[TAW122]

I may have had a dream about CTB or dying before, not recently though, but a few years ago. I remember about to die or already dead and just suddenly waking up and becoming sentient again (woke up from a dream). It then became disappointing afterwards.

 

[Andarna]

Some time ago, I had a dream in which I drank SN and experienced hypoxia. I could breathe, but I felt like I wasn't getting enough oxygen. I was surprised because there was no pain or fear. I also felt a huge sense of relief. It lasted about 10 minutes, then I died/woke up.
I wish it were like that in real life...

 

[NellyGoes]

All of that happened in my dream, there was probably more to it... Oh well!

I have my SN/Meto ready and date is more or less decided, give or take a day or two. I'm 100% on catching the bus, only reason why I haven't gone thru with it yet is because I don't want to spoil others' good time on top of it and I have some loose ends to tie up

How about you?

I'm 100% too. My method is set up right next to my bed ready to go... I had my date almost 2 weeks ago but I couldn't finish my stuff in time (notes, bucket list items etc). And I have ocd so need it to (not) be on a certain date that's why I'm waiting now. But I have a new date set — it's in about a week... I'm 1000% set on it.

It's a very surreal time rn, everything is done and I'm only waiting for "the time"…
And yeah tying up loose ends I definitely found important too. I've heard it's best not to have too many "unfinished" things left…

 

[Sinful]

Very relatable! Sounds like you are genuinely ready for it. It is such a big relief once you accept the fact that you are going and that its no longer an idea or a feeling

It feels like the wait for an upcoming trip that you've been looking forward, at least for me. I sometimes get hit with the reality of it and it is somewhat amusing to me in a weird way. Like "Really!? Just like that?"

Are you planning on or considering making a goodbye thread?

 

[NellyGoes]

Very relatable! Sounds like you are genuinely ready for it. It is such a big relief once you accept the fact that you are going and that its no longer an idea or a feeling

It feels like the wait for an upcoming trip that you've been looking forward, at least for me. I sometimes get hit with the reality of it and it is somewhat amusing to me in a weird way. Like "Really!? Just like that?"

Are you planning on or considering making a goodbye thread?

It is strange. I remember feeling exactly that on my last "final day" — like excitement for an upcoming trip. Calm and at ease, yet excited and "happy"(?!). (You can imagine the torment I felt the next day when I didn't make it. It was a feeling so low it's hard to describe)

Rn I'm coming up to the "final everything" again so it's a weird in-between. Kinda mourning the end of my life while embracing the peace of it and looking forward to any adventure beyond (if there is any). It's strange though.

[edited my dream out cause it felt a little too personal..]

I might be making a goodbye post. I did last time and then felt like the biggest idiot for still being alive hours later.

 

[Sinful]

I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that; I can't even begin to imagine what it feels like when you "miss your bus"!

I think that its only natural to feel all kinds of conflicted/mixed feelings about this. This is the single biggest decision of your life, literally! Aside from that, it directly goes against what we are biologically wired to do so there's always a chance of our reptile brain Si chipping in like "dont do dat pls" and polluting the thoughts in a way.

Your dream makes perfect sense in a logical way, considering everything that you previously said. Dreaming about both - catching the bus and a fear of missing the bus in a single dream. Unless there's another way to interpret it (I don't know much, if anything about dream interpretation tbf). Correlation seems to be there though.

Amazing thing about this community is that people will support you regardless of the outcome. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you missing the bus; things don't always go as planned and that's okay

By the way, can I DM you to get your opinion on something? I kind of need an outsiders perspective on my own situation

 

[58Alice85]

I have never found love in this life. I view this world as filled with disgusting tormentors. I have this dream where i love my lover which has also been tormented and broken and immediately he comes back to life and all his bad feelings go away. All the tormentors meet gruesome endings. (i have xy chomosomes)

 

[NellyGoes]

I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that; I can't even begin to imagine what it feels like when you "miss your bus"!

I think that its only natural to feel all kinds of conflicted/mixed feelings about this. This is the single biggest decision of your life, literally! Aside from that, it directly goes against what we are biologically wired to do so there's always a chance of our reptile brain Si chipping in like "dont do dat pls" and polluting the thoughts in a way.

Your dream makes perfect sense in a logical way, considering everything that you previously said. Dreaming about both - catching the bus and a fear of missing the bus in a single dream. Unless there's another way to interpret it (I don't know much, if anything about dream interpretation tbf). Correlation seems to be there though.

Amazing thing about this community is that people will support you regardless of the outcome. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you missing the bus; things don't always go as planned and that's okay

By the way, can I DM you to get your opinion on something? I kind of need an outsiders perspective on my own situation

Thank you so much for your kind words. Yeah the community here is very accepting which is amazing — prob the only place on the internet (I've found) where you don't have to be "fake".

Honestly, it's more like I'm the extremely determined bus driver myself. And I would not forgive myself if I'd miss again. I have a "deadline date" (it has to do with my OCD but also a bigger meaning cause it's connected to someone I've lost). And this date next week now is right before! So yeah this is it (I'm still mad I didn't make the date 2 weeks ago, I rly feel so "delayed" already. But, I'm hoping that everything has a purpose somehow..)

Yes absolutely feel free to DM. It's late here now so dunno how long I'm still up but yeah, anytime.

 

[Sinful]

Yeah I personally find this community therapeutic in its own way. I'll be forever grateful to all the beautiful people who make this community what it is.

That's an interesting perspective! Being in a role of the "bus driver" insinuates complete control over the process which sounds very comforting. You have the keys.

Sometimes things just don't work out the way you want and that's completely fine. There is no reason to be upset over something because being upset doesn't alleviate the fact that it already happened.