Discussion Do we deserve love?

[Forever Sleep]

We often say this to each other. That everyone is deserving of love. I definitely think everyone deserves respect. We have the right to feel safe and comfortable in a society we most likely pay towards.

I also think parents ought to love their children. They are the reason that person is here. They ought to at least care about them.

For everyone else though- I think love/ connection/ friendship tends to be quite transactional. Maybe that's not a great thing but- it's just how it is. We simply don't love or like everyone to the same extent. It isn't like an equal opportunities set up. We have preferences.

Maybe we need to have enough in common. Or, we need to be able to give as much as we receive. I suppose I have this hope that there's someone for everyone. But, I think it's somewhat down to the efforts we make to meet people and somewhat down to luck. Whether we connect to the people we meet.

As to whether we 'deserve' it though. I don't really know. It's almost like trying really hard at an exam but still failing it. If life were fair, we would achieve varying success according to how much work we put in. But, it doesn't work like that. Some people seem to be more naturally gifted, more cool headed under pressure. Plus, the exam questions may have luckily coincided with what they are good at. I think relationships and friendships are somewhat like that. The hope is we'll be naturally gifted in what the other person needs- a good listener, enthusiastic about the same things, funny, whatever and, vice versa.

Maybe we do actually deserve love and friendship. It would be cruel to say some people don't deserve those things. But, I think it's both luck and effort that creates our chances of getting them.

 

[overmorrow]

99% of relationships, friendships or wtv, are all transactional, nobody really cares about how the person feels, people's interest only peaks when they obtain something

 

[MyLifeisHell]

Is it more palatable to frame it as being "worthy of love" rather than "deserving" insofar as we can draw a distinction between those two words?

I think the average person is deserving of intimacy and connection though it's not like companionship is a human right.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Captive_Mind515]

No, you get what you get.

Some people get it all, others are left in the barren wasteland. Like everything else in this life, it's a competition for hearts and minds. And some people simply were not bestowed with the right tools needed to succeed. "Deserve" is just an idea we invented through society to make the game seem somewhat fair.

 

[Quantum_Marten0302]

I dont know, im not religious

 

[Hvergelmir]

deserving of love

deserving of intimacy

To me, this implies that I owe love and intimacy to people. It implies that people owe us love or intimacy, and that we are entitled to demand it.
Thinking of it like that, the implications spiral into very uncomfortable territories.

As such, I don't think relations are deserved - or rather, I think it's a bad philosophy to perceive them as deserved. Rather they are built, with varying degrees of success, similar to personal developments; skills etc.

 

[hurb]

deep down would u wanna befriend someone that u care bout so deeply while they dont think bout u almost at all?
I wouldnt.
And i wouldnt get mad if my childhood friend blocks me and stops talking to me (we barely talk anyways)
Because truth be told i dont give a fuck bout about anyone at all.
Im deeply insatisfied with my life and the only person i would care bout is the person that would be deeply involved with my life aka a partner.
Im saying all this because we suicidal people tend to be so depressed that we cant get out of our silly head and i do think it must be frustrating for other people and i dont blame them. But hey thats how the cookie crumbles , u get to get a good life and i get to suffer in my head with the horrible variables life gave me

 

[FoxSauce]

Is true that some friendships are transactional but I believe some can be true which can be rare.


Some can take advantage of that ans fuck it all.

 

[doomedbynarrative]

I think every living being deserves love. If every living thing had it maybe the world would not be as bad as it is.

But our world is as bad as it is, unfortunately.

 

[derpyderpins]

People have mentioned that "deserve" is a tough word to quantify here.

I worked in a courthouse that once saw a defendant who repeatedly raped and murdered specifically weak defenseless elderly people (rape before and after the murdering). That person does not/did not deserve love.

I use extreme examples like that because most people on here who feel bad about themselves are nowhere close to such a person, yet such people exist, which suggests a lot of people are too hard on themselves for messing up smaller things.

Most people are well meaning, even if they mess up, even if they sometimes behave badly, even if they let you down sometimes. We're all (generally) trying.

You mentioned love/connection/friendship, meaning that we're not limiting this to life partner/romance. In that case, I would say 'yes' that most people deserve some love. I'd think of 'love' as a type of positive psychic energy flowing from one person to another. Friendship may be a certain type/strength, while your romantic partner will get the most constant and intense you can produce. Eg. when I went to law school I moved far away from home, I grew close with a friend's family, to the point where I'd visit them even when he wasn't there. They were always kind and supportive of me, would have me over for dinner, and asked about how school was going and whatnot (or my job after graduation) and took a genuine interest. That's love, right? It made me feel so relaxed in an era of intense anxiety.

Everyone needs some amount of love, and I think most people deserve some. I like to think I give out some whenever possible, and I know I've gotten it from a lot of people I've met in my life, so I try to pass it on.

As to the transactional nature of things . . . I suppose all relationships are transactional in that we are creatures who act on our motivations, but I don't think it has to be "transactional" in the nasty way some people think.

You can choose to give love to someone who does not equally reciprocate. I do that sometimes, because I want the world to be a certain way, and I want certain people to receive some love and support. So, I guess that self-satisfaction is part of the "transaction," if one is determined on spinning it negatively. But I don't think it really matters, and I think it's a good thing overall.

If a larger portion of people would try to give love when possible, fewer connections would feel transactional. Even if it's very small, there's a 'pass it on' effect.

 

[MyLifeisHell]

To me, this implies that I owe love and intimacy to people. It implies that people owe us love or intimacy, and that we are entitled to demand it.
Thinking of it like that, the implications spiral into very uncomfortable territories.

As such, I don't think relations are deserved - or rather, I think it's a bad philosophy to perceive them as deserved. Rather they are built, with varying degrees of success, similar to personal developments; skills etc.

To be deserving of love doesn't really imply that anyone in particular owes you anything even if some people take that thought past the logical conclusion. That's why I posited whether it would be better to frame it differently, using predicative adjectives rather than verbs. The focus then is on the state of being worthy rather than using a verb whose meaning, even if not active, you fear could mutate into active entitlement. So to be deserving/worthy vs. to deserve as I should've said.

"Deserving" doesn't mean much in life anyways even just solely considering the human sphere. People will treat you as they will in the end.