Venting do i have the right to be suicidal

[oysa]

like dude i was never abused or antyhing. I mean my mom kinda vaguely was really mean abt my piano and that prolly left some scars on me cuz we would be crying on the way back from every piano lesson, but like idk.
my dad isnt a bad guy, he would never intentionally hurt me, or anybody. BUt he doesn't understand his responsibilities as a father, and he does not believe in like gays/depression/suicide and it old him about my SH and he just said was stupid prolly cuz i was 11/12 then which i kinda get?? ut even now he's not concerned, even though the police showed up for a welfare check on our house cuz the fricking helpline lady snitched on me. I HATE HIM because he ruined my moms life. my mom is the most hardworking person I know. even though she was kinda slihgtly abusive, it was out of love, and the only reason she had parenting flaws is because she made the money, cooked and cleaned and parented so OBVIOUSLY she had to be lacking somewhere. FUCK YOU Dad

im like really socially inadept as well, but its not like im totally blind to social cues like the fucking nerds who dont shut the fuck up about why the scotch finger is stastically and scientifically the better biscuit. but like idk man, i just keep ending up in this suicidal place in my mind after a day, week, month or even almost a year. But like always, i just go back.
oh yeah and this year i swear i got an eating disorder!! i like fucking starve and then when i get home i lose constrol and binge in the evening and then i purge its so fucking unhealthy and i hate my body and i cant stop thinking about food and its so bad

everyday is just so excruciating, but i refuse to die without being hot and skinny

but i swear soemtiems i feel like im just fake. like idk if im actually suicidal. ive cut myself, and i definitely have eating problems but waht if i just really badly want attention? and concretely deciding when and how to die is kinda scary and surreal. Like yeah im a fatty but i really want to eat before i die yk food is so awesome. I've always thought of my life to be full of so many opportunites and cafes to go to, and the world was literally my oyster. Giving up on all of it doesn't make me really sad, just uneasy - like giving up on a great shopping bargain that is absolutely worth the price but you dont actually need 19191 tonnes of random shit.

 

[strawberrydino]

thats real. my mom is also really similar i feel like she gave up her youth to this housewife model then got forced to find a job bc financial instability and she does everything. i keep asking my dad why he doesn't cook and he just says mom is better but also he literally can't cook an egg.

chat feels like you might be depressed(dont want to diagnose or anything) but obv most ppl here are depressed. suicidal thoughts arent normal.

eating disorder is real, if u want advice i would help(dont wanna be preachy if u really dont gaf).

long ass reply, but theres this quote i read that was basically: the desire to be mentally ill is a type of mental illness, if ur having suicidal thoughts you probably do have a issue. its not fake or for attention. that doesnt really exist if you are taking actions/have ideations like that. nothings wrong in my life and i still have depression and anxiety, sometimes it be like that.

 

[CremstDearest]

like dude i was never abused or antyhing. I mean my mom kinda vaguely was really mean abt my piano and that prolly left some scars on me cuz we would be crying on the way back from every piano lesson, but like idk.
my dad isnt a bad guy, he would never intentionally hurt me, or anybody. BUt he doesn't understand his responsibilities as a father, and he does not believe in like gays/depression/suicide and it old him about my SH and he just said was stupid prolly cuz i was 11/12 then which i kinda get?? ut even now he's not concerned, even though the police showed up for a welfare check on our house cuz the fricking helpline lady snitched on me. I HATE HIM because he ruined my moms life. my mom is the most hardworking person I know. even though she was kinda slihgtly abusive, it was out of love, and the only reason she had parenting flaws is because she made the money, cooked and cleaned and parented so OBVIOUSLY she had to be lacking somewhere. FUCK YOU Dad

im like really socially inadept as well, but its not like im totally blind to social cues like the fucking nerds who dont shut the fuck up about why the scotch finger is stastically and scientifically the better biscuit. but like idk man, i just keep ending up in this suicidal place in my mind after a day, week, month or even almost a year. But like always, i just go back.
oh yeah and this year i swear i got an eating disorder!! i like fucking starve and then when i get home i lose constrol and binge in the evening and then i purge its so fucking unhealthy and i hate my body and i cant stop thinking about food and its so bad

everyday is just so excruciating, but i refuse to die without being hot and skinny

but i swear soemtiems i feel like im just fake. like idk if im actually suicidal. ive cut myself, and i definitely have eating problems but waht if i just really badly want attention? and concretely deciding when and how to die is kinda scary and surreal. Like yeah im a fatty but i really want to eat before i die yk food is so awesome. I've always thought of my life to be full of so many opportunites and cafes to go to, and the world was literally my oyster. Giving up on all of it doesn't make me really sad, just uneasy - like giving up on a great shopping bargain that is absolutely worth the price but you dont actually need 19191 tonnes of random shit.

Of course you do, no matter wether you had trauma or not you still have the right to feel any emotion, even suicidal thoughts, (though noway am i encouraging ctb here, goes against my beliefs), honestly it feels like there might be underlining issues here, broken household and stuff, i hope you get the help you need in that regard <3

ah, and yeah, the eating disorder is most likely, i got something similar, though not sure how to help :')

 

[oysa]

thats real. my mom is also really similar i feel like she gave up her youth to this housewife model then got forced to find a job bc financial instability and she does everything. i keep asking my dad why he doesn't cook and he just says mom is better but also he literally can't cook an egg.

chat feels like you might be depressed(dont want to diagnose or anything) but obv most ppl here are depressed. suicidal thoughts arent normal.

eating disorder is real, if u want advice i would help(dont wanna be preachy if u really dont gaf).

long ass reply, but theres this quote i read that was basically: the desire to be mentally ill is a type of mental illness, if ur having suicidal thoughts you probably do have a issue. its not fake or for attention. that doesnt really exist if you are taking actions/have ideations like that. nothings wrong in my life and i still have depression and anxiety, sometimes it be like that.

Oh my fuckijg god the dad thing is so real??? I hate my dad so much he gets fucking CARRIED IN LIFE the only reason I'm not skinny is cuz i got his fat ass genes

 

[SVEN]

Being pro choice, I'm sure that you have every right to consider all your options, whatever your background or reasons.
Best wishes.

 

[exhumed101]

like dude i was never abused or antyhing. I mean my mom kinda vaguely was really mean abt my piano and that prolly left some scars on me cuz we would be crying on the way back from every piano lesson, but like idk.
my dad isnt a bad guy, he would never intentionally hurt me, or anybody. BUt he doesn't understand his responsibilities as a father, and he does not believe in like gays/depression/suicide and it old him about my SH and he just said was stupid prolly cuz i was 11/12 then which i kinda get?? ut even now he's not concerned, even though the police showed up for a welfare check on our house cuz the fricking helpline lady snitched on me. I HATE HIM because he ruined my moms life. my mom is the most hardworking person I know. even though she was kinda slihgtly abusive, it was out of love, and the only reason she had parenting flaws is because she made the money, cooked and cleaned and parented so OBVIOUSLY she had to be lacking somewhere. FUCK YOU Dad

im like really socially inadept as well, but its not like im totally blind to social cues like the fucking nerds who dont shut the fuck up about why the scotch finger is stastically and scientifically the better biscuit. but like idk man, i just keep ending up in this suicidal place in my mind after a day, week, month or even almost a year. But like always, i just go back.
oh yeah and this year i swear i got an eating disorder!! i like fucking starve and then when i get home i lose constrol and binge in the evening and then i purge its so fucking unhealthy and i hate my body and i cant stop thinking about food and its so bad

everyday is just so excruciating, but i refuse to die without being hot and skinny

but i swear soemtiems i feel like im just fake. like idk if im actually suicidal. ive cut myself, and i definitely have eating problems but waht if i just really badly want attention? and concretely deciding when and how to die is kinda scary and surreal. Like yeah im a fatty but i really want to eat before i die yk food is so awesome. I've always thought of my life to be full of so many opportunites and cafes to go to, and the world was literally my oyster. Giving up on all of it doesn't make me really sad, just uneasy - like giving up on a great shopping bargain that is absolutely worth the price but you dont actually need 19191 tonnes of random shit.

It's proven that people with no mental illness have suicidal ideation.

 

[lilah]

soemtiems i feel like im just fake

honestly anything will feel fake at some point or another in life. so it's okay.

i think even the happiest human that has been given the world has the right to say f*ck it.

suicide shouldn't have to be about depression or suffering.

 

[identity0]

It's proven that people with no mental illness have suicidal ideation.

Mental illness itself is not well defined, society defines it however it wants, so i dont really know what you mean by that

 

[oysa]

It's proven that people with no mental illness have suicidal ideation.

im curious what about sh?