Do any of you feel envious of others' self-harm scars?

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

When I come across pics where they're visible, I feel a distinct jealousy over the fact that theirs are more prominent than mine. Not in the competitive sense—more in that mine seem inadequate.

Have any of you had a similar experience?

 

[Scythe]

Kind of? But more in the sense I find scars pretty so for me it's more like I want to be prettier.

 

[lawlietsph]

I was never able to cut myself, but i wish i could do it. so in a way, yes maybe
i only punch my own head but i can't do it hard enough to cause damage, only some headache
generally i wish i could cause more harm to myself, as this is what i deserve

 

[EmptyBottle]

For me, merely looking at SH images (to help select the images to restrict from a site I moderate) feels uneasy

 

[JesiBel]

Without encouraging SH.. it's not something you can't "get", just a little more pressure and force to cut deeper.

It's not something I'm proud of either; it's just a part of me, like any other scar or mark on the skin.

It may also depend on how each person's wounds heal; some are more prone to keloid and prominent scars.

 

[BloodyBunno]

Its kinda similar for me- i always feel like my sh wasnt "deep enough" or "bad enough".

 

[Ihatemonday]

When I first started self-harming I'd join communities that posted cutspos, and because of those pictures of people covered in big scars, I would always try to go deeper, as if to feel valid.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I often do find myself feeling jealous of other people's SH scars. I often feel like I don't have enough scars and I also want to have some scars on my thighs

Especially ones that look like this:

Spoiler: TW SH scars

I know that no matter how many scars I have my SH will probably always feel invalid, but I still find myself wishing that I had more of them.

 

[NonEssential]

No. I also dislike the SH scars on my right arm I got myself back when I was a teenager, fortunately I quickly realized to do it on my thighs instead. It's even more pathetic for the fact that I'm a guy and I didn't "man up."

 

[Forveleth]

I do not compare myself to anyone else as it only leads to suffering. My scars heal how they heal and has absolutely nothing to do with the validity of my self harm.

Also self harm doesn't need to be validated.

 

[Namelesa]

Somewhat? I am not able to leave more prominent scars as I cut lighter at while I don't mind that, I more feel jealous of not be able to leave some sort of visual permanent red mark on my arm as I do like the look of it so I like to cut now and again to always keep a temporary mark and feel the desire to have some self harm mark on me.

 

[ccoki17]

I luckily only am left with one sh scar from cutting in my youth and I'm terribly ashamed/embarrassed of it. When I see other people's obv. Sh scars I feel sad and sorry for them too.

 

[Alexandra0]

No. I saw scars on one girl's hand, she tried to commit suicide by cutting her veins from her wrist to her elbow. Now she always hides these scars under a special bandage

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

I often do find myself feeling jealous of other people's SH scars. I often feel like I don't have enough scars and I also want to have some scars on my thighs

Especially ones that look like this:

Spoiler: TW SH scars

View attachment 169418

View attachment 169420

I know that no matter how many scars I have my SH will probably always feel invalid, but I still find myself wishing that I had more of them.

Saaamme. I just... also like how they look more. I keep it restricted to my wrists (thighs are too fat), and if I did anything more, it would alert my family members.
(Stupid random thought: Would it serve as a deterrent or make strange guys approach me more if I had more noticeable SH scars?)

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Saaamme. I just... also like how they look more. I keep it restricted to my wrists (thighs are too fat), and if I did anything more, it would alert my family members.
(Stupid random thought: Would it serve as a deterrent or make strange guys approach me more if I had more noticeable SH scars?)

I've only ever been approached by a guy once before, and that was when my arms were covered, so I can't really say shit about it (for reference, he wasn't creepy or anything). With that in mind, I have sexted dudes online before and none of them really cared about the SH scars on my arms. I'd imagine that there probably would be some creeps who would be into that crap and approach you because of it while there would be other guys who would be deterred by them, but most dudes probably wouldn't give a shit.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

I've only ever been approached by a guy once before, and that was when my arms were covered, so I can't really say shit about it (for reference, he wasn't creepy or anything). With that in mind, I have sexted dudes online before and none of them really cared about the SH scars on my arms. I'd imagine that there probably would be some creeps who would be into that crap and approach you because of it while there would be other guys who would be deterred by them, but most dudes probably wouldn't give a shit.

Damn. I can't use anything to my advantage to keep these creeps away from me. XP (they say autistic rizz is a thing, but it's more trouble than it's worth)

 

[sickofwaiting]

it's the ugliest thing on me

 

[brokeandbroken]

When I come across pics where they're visible, I feel a distinct jealousy over the fact that theirs are more prominent than mine. Not in the competitive sense—more in that mine seem inadequate.

Have any of you had a similar experience?

No but I also dont self harm. I also to be fair have way too scars from just living life.

 

[turbomightbegone]

I wouldn't say it's jealousy,,.?? but I do somewhat want prominent scars on my left arm and right thigh/leg specifically, nowhere else
all i can really manage is catscratches unfortunately. im too much of a coward to go deeper and the only knives im allowed to keep are cheap boxcutters

 

[EmptyBottle]

No. I also dislike the SH scars on my right arm I got myself back when I was a teenager, fortunately I quickly realized to do it on my thighs instead. It's even more pathetic for the fact that I'm a guy and I didn't "man up."

BTW, the site I moderated had SH from a male user, including post-harm care. I literally had to code a warning page "This post may contain self harm [View Anyway]", and manually mark 4 images as SH.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

I'm not sure how some folks are able to cut so deeply that muscle or vascular tissue is visible. It must be driven by an adrenaline rush of some kind.

 

[Ch4in3dcr0w]

i used to be jealous of way deeper cuts than mine but after seeing how people treat others with sh scars im quite happy i have them in one spot and they are not that deep

 

[sick.faery]

i used to when i was younger. it inspired me to cut myself really badly. now years later i can't wear anything except long sleeves in public if i dont want to make people uncomfortable

 

[EmptyBottle]

I'm not sure how some folks are able to cut so deeply that muscle or vascular tissue is visible. It must be driven by an adrenaline rush of some kind.

or potentially going too fast, coz reaching muscle means long term damage, and I'm guessing it will make movement of that muscle painful

 

[nonameno5]

Yes. most peoples are deeper than mine and that alone makes me feel ashamed about my sh. i think if i went deep enough to noticeably scar like other peoples id feel more valid. but deep down i know ill never feel as valid as other people, no matter the depth. i try not to compare my issues with other peoples but its in our human nature to be jealous and compare ourselves to others.
However my thoughts and feelings are very contradictory as i don't want it to scar at the same time. sh is a part of me i don't want people to know about. hence why i only do it on my upper thighs. if it scars that means it went deep enough to feel like it actually happened and meant something however at the same time that means its stuck with me and i cant imagine how triggering your own scars could be having to see them all the time while trying to stay sober.

 

[SomeoneHelpMe]

I got a lot of SH scars on my right arm. As well as some on my shoulders and thighs. I often wish I had more. Or that I could cut deeper. But Ive been relapse free for some months now- so I am learnig to accept myself and the fact that the number of our scars does not equal the amounts we have suffered.

 

[Manic Panic]

I envy people who are able to do it so effectively and not make it seem like it's such a big deal.

 

[inaminute]

I had a tattoo over my forearm the scars are horrible. They're starting to show through the tattoo that's heavily symbolic with sumerian writing saying solve coagula either side. To me it reads to "create new habits, you must first destroy old ones".

 

[Chuunibyou]

I for sure feel this way.

I think self harm is beautiful. because I'm pro autonomy and pro harm reduction, I help my partners self harm sometimes. but I'm not able to cut myself deeply enough to leave anything lasting. I don't really hold this against myself, I have a complicated relationship with my sh and don't want to "get worse", but I do wish I could be more beautiful.