Disconnected

[DrownedOctopus]

I feel so disconnected right now. It's like I'm watching myself on the back burner..I feel emotionless and dosconne yed from everything and everyone around me.
Well, that's not entirely true. I'm filled with dread and hopelessness and this panicky numbness. If that makes any sense
All I want to do is sit and stare at one spot any time I am awake. All I can think about is killing myself. I haven't eaten a ythong in days, water is something I've been forcing myself to drink when I remember...I just more than anything right now want to be actually strangled to death cuz it feels like I'm suffocating anyways. What's the point of breathing???
I think I migjt actually hang myself tonight...I'm done feeling this. I'm sick of the panic and nights of tears. I'm ready to go I'm ready to go I want it all to just fucking stop. I havw to wait until tonight and it's just so far away it's makong tji panic even worse.
I've never beens o disconeected nd shaky before, fixing all the mistakes ai am making I am starting to give up on. I give it two tries, after tht I'm not going back to fix it anymoew. Sorry.
I can't do this. I don't feel like a erson anymorw

 

[Circles]

It's the nagging detachment of everyday life that gets me. Like I don't see how most people can even accept life at face value without constantly lying to themselves that everything is going to okay. The dread just never leaves, it constantly eats at you and sinks you deeper into despair like quicksand. Everything is so claustrophobic.

 

[DrownedOctopus]

It's the nagging detachment of everyday life that gets me. Like I don't see how most people can even accept life at face value without constantly lying to themselves that everything is going to okay. The dread just never leaves, it constantly eats at you and sinks you deeper into despair like quicksand. Everything is so claustrophobic.

That's exactly how it feels for me, claustrophobic. Sometimes it's easier to deal with and ignore, but everything about life just feels like it's strangling me and pulling me down. I always feel like no matter what I do and try, I can't push of those metaphorical hands that drive me closer to catching the bus. There's no relief from it, it's always been there..some days I'm at the end of my patience with it and just want to been done living already. I'm exhausted.

 

[ZomGuy]

I can really relate to everything you described, especially the panicky numbness. It's a very disturbing "feeling" which is also one of the reasons I want to ctb..I really wish I could finally ctb. I practice overcoming my SI as often as I can using the tourniquet and partial suspension method. One of these has to work. I really wish you find peace whatever you decide to do

 

[DrownedOctopus]

I can really relate to everything you described, especially the panicky numbness. It's a very disturbing "feeling" which is also one of the reasons I want to ctb..I really wish I could finally ctb. I practice overcoming my SI as often as I can using the tourniquet and partial suspension method. One of these has to work. I really wish you find peace whatever you decide to do

I'm sorry you can relate to this, it's a terrible feeling!
I hope you find peace as well with the best possible outcome in whatever you decide.
As for me, I've decided that impulsively trying to ctb didn't work for me before, so it's best for me to plan. I just wish it was easier done than said right now, waiting during times like this is not my forté