I've never had a set date for ctb, I just know I will do it when the pain of living gets to be unbearable and only then will I be able to overcome the survival instinct. I have been suicidal since I was very young and I have always known I will die by suicide. I should have done it years ago as it would have prevented a lot of suffering. I wish I was never born, living really is painful. I have already died inside but I am still here breathing. I hope you find peace.