Currently when I attend college I try as good as possible to stay away from benzos. I was pretty close to a breakdown last semester and had to take a lot of benzos. Often only the smallest dosage. My psychiatrist pretended withdrawal symptoms were unlikely with that dosage. Bullshit.
During holidays I lived without benzos but also without z-medication (addictive sleeping pill). It was living hell. The thing is other people take like 10 times my dosage (like Lil Peep lol).
I am a very anxious person. And I am a little bit scared that these benzos changed my personality. I read people can become very numb. I rather experienced the opposite I suspect I became even more highly sensitive and my anxiety increased. I am more anxious now (maybe?). And if I take one day a benzo I have withdrawal symptoms soon which means crying like a waterfall. Since I take antipsychotics I cry way less. But not when I experience withdrawal symptoms.
My anxiety was peak. I got something like paranoid panic attacks about details of my past. My thoughts were extremely fast racing and overwhelming. It was like my head was exploding because these thoughts poured on me like a hurricane. It was similar to a crash from mania into depression. With one big difference I had no extreme psychosomatic pain. When that shit returns I am going to kill myself.
The pain was immense. I know now why people warn of benzos. They told me you cannot control that. Well I escaped addiction. But I am a person that thinks very longterm. I think many people would not have the impulse control. I also quitted the medication as fast as possible because college started some months afterwards and I needed that the process was finished as soon as possible.
It was pretty hellish. But the crash from mania into depression was even worse. Due to the psychosomatic pain. I cannot imagine what it would mean if you took like 10 times my benzo dosage and stopped rapidly. Or combining that with a crash from mania into depression which potentially could happen to me.
During holidays I lived without benzos but also without z-medication (addictive sleeping pill). It was living hell. The thing is other people take like 10 times my dosage (like Lil Peep lol).
I am a very anxious person. And I am a little bit scared that these benzos changed my personality. I read people can become very numb. I rather experienced the opposite I suspect I became even more highly sensitive and my anxiety increased. I am more anxious now (maybe?). And if I take one day a benzo I have withdrawal symptoms soon which means crying like a waterfall. Since I take antipsychotics I cry way less. But not when I experience withdrawal symptoms.
My anxiety was peak. I got something like paranoid panic attacks about details of my past. My thoughts were extremely fast racing and overwhelming. It was like my head was exploding because these thoughts poured on me like a hurricane. It was similar to a crash from mania into depression. With one big difference I had no extreme psychosomatic pain. When that shit returns I am going to kill myself.
The pain was immense. I know now why people warn of benzos. They told me you cannot control that. Well I escaped addiction. But I am a person that thinks very longterm. I think many people would not have the impulse control. I also quitted the medication as fast as possible because college started some months afterwards and I needed that the process was finished as soon as possible.
It was pretty hellish. But the crash from mania into depression was even worse. Due to the psychosomatic pain. I cannot imagine what it would mean if you took like 10 times my benzo dosage and stopped rapidly. Or combining that with a crash from mania into depression which potentially could happen to me.
