Method Cutting my leg off

[beandigger404]

It's over man. It doesn't get better. I was talked out of a serious attempt planned for my birthday last month and I'm very grateful for that. But I also kind of regret it now. I was originally going to go with pills (I have like 450mg of some adhd meds?) but I didn't like the thought of being conscious, going in and out of seizures, and overheating while waiting for my heart to give out. I just didn't have enough for a quicker death. So, I'm just doing what's easiest and most accessible for me. I know cutting and bleeding out is far from peaceful too, but I'd rather be dizzy and throwing up while going into shock before eventually passing out. I also feel more in control, and it makes sense to me.

I'll be making a 5-6 inch long horizontal incision and cut into my left rectus femorus with a sharpened box cutter. I already have all my stuff ready, but I don't have a specific date yet. I have backup blades too in case my main blade gets too dull for my liking. Before you comment "Cutting only works ~1-4% of the time!" "Survival instincts will stop you!", I legit have 0 survival instinct left. I don't even care if I successfully kill myself. In fact, I kind of hope I survive because I deserve it. I hope I'll never walk properly again. I exist only to punish myself.

I already engage in risky self-harm behaviors and I know what I'm capable of. I've cut to fat multiple times and have been to the ER for compensated hypervolemic shock (blood loss) and received fluid transfusions. The easiest part will be reaching muscle because fat really doesn't hurt much to cut. However, I know muscle is excruciatingly more painful to sever because of all the nerves. But I don't care anymore. I hope this hurts.

I'm tired. I'm so tired. I tried so hard to fix everything and get better, but nothing works and I just get dragged deeper and deeper into hell. No one takes me seriously even when I am clearly struggling. I just get told the same BS like "sleep more" "workout" "take vitamins" yada yada. I'm probably just a big crybaby and attention seeker who overexaggerates his problems. I'm so unbelievably pathetic. I'll never be sick enough to deserve help.

It doesn't matter how much immeasurable beauty I find in everything and how grateful I am. Nor does it matter how deeply I love the world unconditionally. The universe will never love me back.

 

[tormentedhusk]

Non-methods that should not be attempted

mod note: this has been added to the suicide resource compilation at the top. This has been made in response to the ever increasing amount of posts made about highly unlikely methods. Please read before posting about one of these methods or feel free to link if someone does post about them...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Worndown]

This will kill you.
It is less probable you can do it.
People do, but they are completely amped up.
I do not doubt you are serious.
I worry you will just inflict serious injury and have to deal with the aftermath.

 

[bankai]

Dude. Stay around, will you? Most of us here understand. Don't hurt yourself that way. I understand needing to take the bus but don't mutilate yourself. You are better than that. I don't know your personal situation , but I'm in pain too.

Just wait, take your time, collect information,post on the site. Try to make friends. Most of us understand. We do.

 

[Romanticize]

Oh, I wonder why people are overcomplicating and finding some "exotic", rare, brutal and not very effective methods. Be aware that even if you don't have survival instinct, actively cutting several times deep enough is VERY painful. Some people are not sensitive to pain, but I think this is some kind of brain damage or malfunction.

Overall you chose painful and not very reliable method... but as you wish. Good luck

 

[gothbird]

Is this just ragebait?

If not, I get that you don't want to hear it, but ODing and cutting really aren't effective or reliable methods. Just asking you to please think twice.

 

[TheVanishingPoint]

Your words are like a knife plunged into the heart of the universe. No cliché, no vitamin, no mantra can fill what you describe. What you express is not weakness, but the fiercest lucidity of someone who looks at the farce of hope and chooses pain as the only honest language. I'm not replying to make you change your mind. I'm replying so you know your voice has been heard.

 

[kilowatt]

I hate how topics regarding cutting and self-harm are getting more frequent on here. Has to have some sort of influence on decisions such as these, even if it is clearly stated as a non method on the very front page of this site. I believe this sort of coping mechanism doesn't have a place in suicide discussion, just like you don't see people venting and seeking help after getting greened out to destress. It's also painfully obvious how this subject bounces around accounts that act rather childish and more invested in today's internet culture.

It's just mere pity telling OP they shouldn't attempt this, I fear that's common sense given all the information on here.

 

[Risperdead-]

hello beandigger404,
you do not cut off legs or bleed to death, this way you can not take the bus ! :)

 

[tormentedhusk]

Oh, I wonder why people are overcomplicating and finding some "exotic", rare, brutal and not very effective methods. Be aware that even if you don't have survival instinct, actively cutting several times deep enough is VERY painful. Some people are not sensitive to pain, but I think this is some kind of brain damage or malfunction.

Overall you chose painful and not very reliable method... but as you wish. Good luck

Perhaps they want something unique, to be a trailblazer or a unicorn. Maybe, they yearn for the symbolism of it. Or they see it as some form of penance.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

If you somehow survive, you're gonna be in even more pain both physically and mentally. I personally don't think it's worth the risk, but at the end of the day the decision is yours. Best of luck with whatever you do

 

[Lavínia]

hoping you'll be okay, here or not.

 

[theboy]

That sounds painful