Help Could you help me reconsider my options?

[spark]

I decided i want to end my life. I don't see it as the "best" option, but rather as a way to escape the pain that feels unbearable. I wish for a sense of peace, even if it's just the absence of suffering.

I had my first suicide attempt when i was 12 years old.
When i was 15, i actually managed to escape from the abuse i've been suffering from as a child, only to live through even more bullshit as i was living on the streets, or in squatted forests/houses, n the middle of some ongoing protests. I was basically hiding from the cops until i turned 18 as there was a missing child warrant out for me.
I have several very severe medical conditions and without being in constant medical care my condition has worsened a lot over the time,
i've been getting consumed by thoughts on how to end my suffering. I've been furiously researching

I have attempted CO poisoning with someone else, a few weeks ago. But it didn't work out as planned.
They've been panicking and cleared out the room while i was already passed out.
It's hard for me to do it again on my own, a tent might be a possibility but i would have to acquire it first and finding a place secluded enough, while carrying a tent and a chimneyburner and charcoals seems like a daunting task
Yesterday i tried partial hanging but chickened out, don't know if i could actually go through with it, mayhaps if i use benzos (would be smart to get some either way)
Jmping is another option i am considering, Still weighing my feelings about it,
I've seen a bunch of videos where there has been accidental damage and also i'm not very fond of the idea of dying in public, even though it seems like an easy way out.


I would be so grateful for any input...

 

[darksouls]

I decided i want to end my life. I don't see it as the "best" option, but rather as a way to escape the pain that feels unbearable. I wish for a sense of peace, even if it's just the absence of suffering.

I had my first suicide attempt when i was 12 years old.
When i was 15, i actually managed to escape from the abuse i've been suffering from as a child, only to live through even more bullshit as i was living on the streets, or in squatted forests/houses, n the middle of some ongoing protests. I was basically hiding from the cops until i turned 18 as there was a missing child warrant out for me.
I have several very severe medical conditions and without being in constant medical care my condition has worsened a lot over the time,
i've been getting consumed by thoughts on how to end my suffering. I've been furiously researching

I have attempted CO poisoning with someone else, a few weeks ago. But it didn't work out as planned.
They've been panicking and cleared out the room while i was already passed out.
It's hard for me to do it again on my own, a tent might be a possibility but i would have to acquire it first and finding a place secluded enough, while carrying a tent and a chimneyburner and charcoals seems like a daunting task
Yesterday i tried partial hanging but chickened out, don't know if i could actually go through with it, mayhaps if i use benzos (would be smart to get some either way)
Jmping is another option i am considering, Still weighing my feelings about it,
I've seen a bunch of videos where there has been accidental damage and also i'm not very fond of the idea of dying in public, even though it seems like an easy way out.


I would be so grateful for any input...

hi
I often read your posts
I live in the same country as you
if you want to write with me privat

 

[FuneralCry]

I also just wish for peace from the suffering, all I want is to never suffer ever again, it's so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I hope you find the relief you search for, I wish you the best.