Can't see a happy future

[waitingforrest]

If I recover, I still can't find myself happy. Even if everything was perfect, it all still feels wrong.

There is this persistant melancholy when I think about the future. The same kind of feeling I get when I am in a place without any trace of civilization. Just staring off into the sky, when all the mundane responsibilites of life are irrelevant. Where time feels on pause and everything is still.

As if I am nostalgic for memories that never happened or in a constant state of reflection. Just knowing that eventually everything will change, be replaced, and forgotten.

It is sad yet calm at the same time. I don't know, if I can continue to even live to old age feeling this way. I don't know if I can stand to see the consequences of our species's greed.

Or maybe I accidentally measured the cough syrup wrong. Fuck

 

[timf]

It is difficult to imagine the future because there are so many factors most of which we are unaware. Our attempts to imagine a future are often largely simply projections of how we feel at the moment.

Perhaps a better way to make projections of the future are to consider the experiments we make today to see how much control we can exert over our lives and how often we can make daily outcomes even slightly better. Often it is these small steps that can be a foundation for optimism about the future.