Help Can someone help me get over my crush?

[nopurposeinanything]

He acts really off and on with me and it's irritating. He'll talk to me a lot and that'll make me head over heels for him—and then the next week he has one word responses. It's so annoying and I know for a fact he'll never like me back. For context ive mentioned this in a thread a while back, but he tells me his secrets he dosent even tell his freinds. We dont talk much in real life (we do, but not like that yk?) because we're both heavily shy. But anyway, im so fucking easy and its embarrassing. Can someone please knock some common sense into me? It can be harsh and whatnot—i just need to get over him.

 

[vascomorrow]

He acts really off and on with me and it's irritating. He'll talk to me a lot and that'll make me head over heels for him—and then the next week he has one word responses. It's so annoying and I know for a fact he'll never like me back. For context ive mentioned this in a thread a while back, but he tells me his secrets he dosent even tell his freinds. We dont talk much in real life (we do, but not like that yk?) because we're both heavily shy. But anyway, im so fucking easy and its embarrassing. Can someone please knock some common sense into me? It can be harsh and whatnot—i just need to get over him.

How old are you?

 

[lawlietsph]

This was exactly the case with me. Just know that he is probably using you to boost his self confidence, because he knows you are always there, you will always listen. He knows that you like him and it makes him feel really good about himself.
When he's not responding to you, or only responds with 1-2 words, rest assured he is busy talking to another woman/man.

You are worth so much more than to be someone's toy that he can go back to when he's bored or when he needs love and attention.
And one important thing: You. Cannot. Change. Him. No. Matter. What. Your love will NOT change him, ever.
When you feel sad about him not responding, just imagine him texting happily with someone else. And when he is seeing your text, he goes "ohgod not her again..."
The more energy you put into him, the more you push him away. If he wants you, he will move mountains to be with you. Everything else is just bullshit, especially if it's a pattern what he is doing. Everyone has bad days, but if he is doing this push-pull shit all the time, please RUN. RUN, and never look back, your heart is going to break into millions of pieces.
Take back your focus and attention to yourself, do not feed his confidence anymore.
It's going to hurt like hell, and you are going to feel like you are withdrawing from a heavy drug.

And this is also really important: you are going to hear lots of times that "if you don't pay attention to him, he will come back".
Please DON'T listen to this, DO NOT keep the hope that he will change if you pull back. It might be the case, but don't keep hoping, do your best to not give a damn about him anymore. If he comes back and decides that he wants you in his life, good, but there is a high chance that it's not the case.

I did this too, I pulled back in hopes that he will want me, and oh.. he never reached out to me again. Just be prepared for this.

You most likely learned in your childhood that love is not unconditional, that you have to do things in order to receive love. I don't want to say stupid things, i might be completely wrong, but maybe he reminds you of your father in a way, or you just crave the attention that he gaves you from time to time.
Don't blame yourself please, you are not bad for wanting to be loved and wanting to give love. But it is way better to be alone than to be in this push-pull dynamic, this is eating your soul and you slowly start losing your mind...
I'm sorrry, and i'm sending you many hugs You got this.

 

[SASU-KE]

Don't talk to anyone who doesn't reciprocate. It's a lost cause. They don't have respect for you. Even if you like them, they don't like you back the same way or the same amount. So you need to move on.

 

[Forever Sleep]

All I can say is- realise what this is doing to you. Recognise that you are the one who is going to have to control it. So- maybe don't go chasing after him for one. If you know his reactions aren't consistent. Wait for him to contact you. Maybe it's nice he shares secrets with you but, be realistic over whether this really means you are special to him. It sounds as if you are realising you're not.

I'm saying all this as someone who's suffered through several bouts of limerence (I believe.) So- if you feel like you are obsessed with him, try to get that under control. Try not to fantasize about yourself together with him. Try to remember all the ways he's acted towards you. Not just the times he was reciprocal and warm- bring to mind the times he didn't have time for you and remind yourself of the reality. It will hurt in the short term but then- if you know this is hurting you overall- I think it's better to get it under control.

Don't be angry with yourself for feeling like this. Don't necessarily hate him either although- if he seems like a person that just uses people and plays on their emotions- recognise that and realise you deserve more.

 

[addictedfukup]

as a man, he is using you, he probably tells his other girls his "secrets" he sees you as an easy mark he can play. Dont be that mark. Dont be a victim

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

You're stuck in an emotional yo-yo and it's tiring because his inconsistency is designed (whether intentionally or not) to keep you hook. The deep secrets he shares feels intimate and special but that's not the same as romantic interest. It honestly could be him seeing you as a safe emotional outlet when it suits him, then he pulls back when he doesn't need the outlet. Shy people who actually like someone romantically find ways to show effort, even if it's awkward or small. You already admitted he won't like you back, maybe you should believe that version of yourself, even if it's hard, instead of the hopeful version of you changing your mind when he gives you attention.

That high you feel during his "on" phases is real, and it's dopamine, but it's intermittent reinforcement. This is the same sorta psychological trap that makes people addicted to gambling or toxic exes. Those little crumbs of closeness keep you pursuing him, even though the silence and one-word replies make you feel small and embarrassed. That embarrassment isn't from you being "easy," it's from repeatedly accepting treatment you know doesn't equate to what you deserve, and km sure you know you deserve better.

You're not pathetic though, you're just human and attached. However, you have the power to stop feeding into it right now. Every time you engage, or check his status, or replay the good moments in your head, you're choosing to stay on the roller coaster. The only way off is to starve it: limit or cut contact, mute notifications, and redirect your energy into people and things that don't have you questioning your self-worth like this.

It WILL suck at first, expect feelings similar to withdrawal, urges to reach out, or nostalgia. It's very normal. Still, you must push through it. Remind yourself that consistency isn't a hard ask, and someone who actually wants you won't make you beg for simple reciprocity.

Listen, I'm not gonna be harsh to you, you deserve kindness. You've got this. Be ruthless with the fantasy, but gentle with yourself while you heal. The second you stop participating in his little games, the roller coaster loses its power and you will have an open space for someone who matches your energy. Walk away from him, you deserve better than that, and keep your head up.

 

[frommetoyou]

ive been in that same kind of relationship. the only way to get over him is to completely remove him from your life, try not to see him ever again and block him. i actually ended up getting into a relationship with this kind of guy and he completely ruined my life for 2 years and made me feel so small that i felt like no one would love me and i had to work constantly and move mountains for him just to look at me with any other expression than disgust.
the sad truth about a lot of men is that whenever you lower yourself to their level, they're gonna want to chase the next thing. its better to go no contact.
also, you're not "easy" you just crave someone to love and give you love. youll find someone so much better, so dont ever settle.