Venting "but you're so young"

[batmanreal]

i'm 19, i've struggled with my mental health since i was in elementary school. before the age of 10, i would regularly tell my family and even doctors that i wanted to die. it lost it's novelty after some time, i could tell that the adults in my life no longer took it seriously, even though i meant it every time. still in that age range, i tried killing myself a few times as well. i tried stabbing myself with a knife that wasn't even sharp enough to break skin, i tried to od on vitamins. i also tried holding my breath, choking myself with my hands, dumb shit like that. i don't even want to consider those attempts because they were so dumb. the innocent stupidity is honestly kind of adorable if you remove the depressing context.
obviously, i'm still extremely depressed to this day. the people i vent to, professionals included, have been so useless. most of the "advice" i receive is "you're still a kid", "everyone feels this way during their teens", "you've barely even started living", and everyone's favorite, "it gets better". i've been hearing that since i was a little kid.
everything just gets worse and worse. yes, a lot of teenagers are depressed. all teenagers see inconsequential things as the end of the world, and i'm no different in that aspect. it doesn't matter, though. there's just no possibility that i could ever live happily. most of my issues aren't things that will be fixed with time/growing up. my problems can't be fixed, period. they are things that will follow me forever, things that even older people kill themselves over. i hate the fact that i was even born. my existence is such a waste, i was never going to be happy, anyway. i was doomed to be worthless and miserable forever, it's just a waste.
there's no point in waiting for some miracle, i'm just going to end up like every other depressed adult. i regret not dying sooner, i'm tired of existing.

 

[nuggetfinder]

Yes!!! I totally understand this. I'm a year younger than you and ive also gotten the same "it'll get better when you get older" bullshit and it's so exhausting to hear especially when you've been hearing it for years. I had 'silly' little attempts I barely count in elementary/middle school too. I feel like it also just minimizes the pain and trauma i've been through as well, pain that i'll never be able to wash away. I wonder why older people do this.

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

While I'm 31, I relate. It's not the case that depression at younger age is always cured. Mental health professionals who believe that don't deserve their professions. I really understand you are frustrated with people never trying to see how you are feeling. And they never take any responsibility when you find the depression chronic. It's such people rather than SaSu or SN suppliers that drive us into committing suicide. I'm sorry you are surrounded with those who don't actually care about you.

 

[PotentiallyWasted]

i'm 19, i've struggled with my mental health since i was in elementary school. before the age of 10, i would regularly tell my family and even doctors that i wanted to die. it lost it's novelty after some time, i could tell that the adults in my life no longer took it seriously, even though i meant it every time. still in that age range, i tried killing myself a few times as well. i tried stabbing myself with a knife that wasn't even sharp enough to break skin, i tried to od on vitamins. i also tried holding my breath, choking myself with my hands, dumb shit like that. i don't even want to consider those attempts because they were so dumb. the innocent stupidity is honestly kind of adorable if you remove the depressing context.
obviously, i'm still extremely depressed to this day. the people i vent to, professionals included, have been so useless. most of the "advice" i receive is "you're still a kid", "everyone feels this way during their teens", "you've barely even started living", and everyone's favorite, "it gets better". i've been hearing that since i was a little kid.
everything just gets worse and worse. yes, a lot of teenagers are depressed. all teenagers see inconsequential things as the end of the world, and i'm no different in that aspect. it doesn't matter, though. there's just no possibility that i could ever live happily. most of my issues aren't things that will be fixed with time/growing up. my problems can't be fixed, period. they are things that will follow me forever, things that even older people kill themselves over. i hate the fact that i was even born. my existence is such a waste, i was never going to be happy, anyway. i was doomed to be worthless and miserable forever, it's just a waste.
there's no point in waiting for some miracle, i'm just going to end up like every other depressed adult. i regret not dying sooner, i'm tired of existing.

I wish I could give you a hug. You put it all perfectly.

 

[NonEssential]

I'm 25 and I don't feel any better than when I was 19.

 

[rayyy]

Same age as you, i wish life was kind to us all.

 

[sanrioslayer]

i feel like its not wether or not u CAN get better, you probably could someday. Its if the potential happiness is worth the pain youll have to endure while working for it