Venting Burnt Out Of Everything

[Voidad]

Yeah the meds really messed me up this time. I wake up everyday writhing in pain, I just have anxiety 24/7. I don't wanna eat, I don't wanna go outside, I don't wanna play video games, I don't wanna watch videos, I just want to perish. I don't think I'm gonna ctb tho, not... really my style I think... I'd rather just... rot in bed, which is currently what's happening...

I take these stupid meds to cure my anxiety and depression so that I can I don't know, be a normal person, go to school, go to work or whatever... instead they make me worse. Instead of helping with my social anxiety, they cause anxiety indoors as well, which means anxiety 24/7. I just don't fucking get it, I'm so fucking sick of these stupid pills not doing what they're supposed to, hell even worse, doing the bloody opposite of what they're supposed to do...

I don't bloody know... maybe I'll see a psychiatrist and ask if I can try lithium, about the only thing I haven't tried so far...

Yeah I'm in pain. Whenever I try to get better, I get worse instead. I should really just accept my fate and give up on trying to get better and just rot in my room...

 

[Jdieiejdjaow]

So sorry you're feeling this way. Taking medication prescribed to ease our symptoms and discovering they're only making it worse must be a tremendous disappointment that can only leave us with frustration and anger.

Trauma often shows up as a symptom of depression and/or anxiety. Have you tried reaching out to a trauma specialist mental health professional to team up in your approach to your psychiatrist with regards to the medication? If you can cope and get well in therapy without the medication (by doing somatic therapy, for example), with time, would it be better for you? Alternatively, there's no shame in taking medication to allow us to get our heads out of the water, though we need to follow up with professional care to get skills to cope better.

 

[Spicy Tteokbokki]

Definitely ask her to change it up for something that hopefully works better for you, or look for another method to help yourself.
Last meds I tried some years ago gave me 24/7 panic attacks/severe anxiety to the point of being disabled beyond being able to lay in bed or on my best days seem as if I had an ongoing epileptic attack just sitting on a chair because I was convulsing so much.
I quit them after that, having had tried many, many, many other pills prior to that who also didn't work on me, and figured there was no point.
Eventually found some other ways to feel better, but it did take me years of reading, listening, trying things, educating myself and gradually improving to get to that place, sadly. No magic pill or quick fix, and I still suffer a lot but that's because of society, sadly, which idk how to overcome, but when I don't get pressured I generally feel good.
So I would say there's hope, and I do hope you can overcome it one day.

So sorry you're feeling this way. Taking medication prescribed to ease our symptoms and discovering they're only making it worse must be a tremendous disappointment that can only leave us with frustration and anger.

Trauma often shows up as a symptom of depression and/or anxiety. Have you tried reaching out to a trauma specialist mental health professional to team up in your approach to your psychiatrist with regards to the medication? If you can cope and get well in therapy without the medication (by doing somatic therapy, for example), with time, would it be better for you? Alternatively, there's no shame in taking medication to allow us to get our heads out of the water, though we need to follow up with professional care to get skills to cope better.

Could be trauma or things like autism and ADHD as well, or all of them combined.. Definitely mimics a ton of those symptoms when you live in a world that's not made for you; trauma often caused by e.g. being autistic as well so it all just compounds into this one big ball of negative energy.

"Depression and anxiety" in my view are just symptoms of something else, and finding out what the cause is, is the real objective, not just try to mask them with pills as is often the help you get.

 

[KillingPain267]

Yeah the meds really messed me up this time. I wake up everyday writhing in pain, I just have anxiety 24/7. I don't wanna eat, I don't wanna go outside, I don't wanna play video games, I don't wanna watch videos, I just want to perish. I don't think I'm gonna ctb tho, not... really my style I think... I'd rather just... rot in bed, which is currently what's happening...

I take these stupid meds to cure my anxiety and depression so that I can I don't know, be a normal person, go to school, go to work or whatever... instead they make me worse. Instead of helping with my social anxiety, they cause anxiety indoors as well, which means anxiety 24/7. I just don't fucking get it, I'm so fucking sick of these stupid pills not doing what they're supposed to, hell even worse, doing the bloody opposite of what they're supposed to do...

I don't bloody know... maybe I'll see a psychiatrist and ask if I can try lithium, about the only thing I haven't tried so far...

Yeah I'm in pain. Whenever I try to get better, I get worse instead. I should really just accept my fate and give up on trying to get better and just rot in my room...

What are the meds?

 

[Voidad]

What are the meds?

Sorry for the late reply. It was three medications, one of them an SSRI, one an antipsychotic and the other was lamotrigine. That's pretty much what I always get prescribed whenever I see a psychiatrist. Never helps unfortunately, even if I take them for months while enduring the side effects.

 

[Rabscuttle]

Where are your pains, what are they like? Have you ever heard of John Sarno, and his theory of Tension myositis syndrome?

 

[Voidad]

So sorry you're feeling this way. Taking medication prescribed to ease our symptoms and discovering they're only making it worse must be a tremendous disappointment that can only leave us with frustration and anger.

Trauma often shows up as a symptom of depression and/or anxiety. Have you tried reaching out to a trauma specialist mental health professional to team up in your approach to your psychiatrist with regards to the medication? If you can cope and get well in therapy without the medication (by doing somatic therapy, for example), with time, would it be better for you? Alternatively, there's no shame in taking medication to allow us to get our heads out of the water, though we need to follow up with professional care to get skills to cope better.

Definitely ask her to change it up for something that hopefully works better for you, or look for another method to help yourself.
Last meds I tried some years ago gave me 24/7 panic attacks/severe anxiety to the point of being disabled beyond being able to lay in bed or on my best days seem as if I had an ongoing epileptic attack just sitting on a chair because I was convulsing so much.
I quit them after that, having had tried many, many, many other pills prior to that who also didn't work on me, and figured there was no point.
Eventually found some other ways to feel better, but it did take me years of reading, listening, trying things, educating myself and gradually improving to get to that place, sadly. No magic pill or quick fix, and I still suffer a lot but that's because of society, sadly, which idk how to overcome, but when I don't get pressured I generally feel good.
So I would say there's hope, and I do hope you can overcome it one day.

Could be trauma or things like autism and ADHD as well, or all of them combined.. Definitely mimics a ton of those symptoms when you live in a world that's not made for you; trauma often caused by e.g. being autistic as well so it all just compounds into this one big ball of negative energy.

"Depression and anxiety" in my view are just symptoms of something else, and finding out what the cause is, is the real objective, not just try to mask them with pills as is often the help you get.

I should probably look more into trauma and adhd, since antidepressants don't help even the slightest, must be a problem like those two. I probably will start seeing my therapist again when we're more financially stable. Thanks a lot both of you for the advice. Hopefully in the future I can actually be diagnosed with... something at all, instead of being used like a training dummy with all the medications... can't say I'm very hopeful though, a decade with no diagnosis other than anxiety or depression has been very tough...

 

[LimpandNumb]

Best wishes

 

[Voidad]

Where are your pains, what are they like? Have you ever heard of John Sarno, and his theory of Tension myositis syndrome?

I've never heard of that person or theory, I'll look them up.
The pain is... hard to describe. Usually my legs and arms ache, I feel the need to move them around, like I'm getting electrocuted or something.
Sometimes my stomach area hurts. It's definitely psychological though, the pain doesn't feel like it's physical at all.

 

[Rabscuttle]

I've never heard of that person or theory, I'll look them up.
The pain is... hard to describe. Usually my legs and arms ache, I feel the need to move them around, like I'm getting electrocuted or something.
Sometimes my stomach area hurts. It's definitely psychological though, the pain doesn't feel like it's physical at all.

Yes definitely look into it, his theories have come a long way and been proven in a few studies and now more are being conducted. Your pains can simultaneously be generated in the brain and still be real, after all, all pain is generated by the brain. I've been on this journey for about 2 months using his theories and others methods based on them to try and address my chronic pains. The work itself is simple but is in no way easy. Feel free to pm if you want to discuss more in detail, but I definitely think you'd find it relatable to you.

Best of luck friend.

 

[KillingPain267]

Sorry for the late reply. It was three medications, one of them an SSRI, one an antipsychotic and the other was lamotrigine. That's pretty much what I always get prescribed whenever I see a psychiatrist. Never helps unfortunately, even if I take them for months while enduring the side effects.

How long have you been on them? Often, the increased anxiety subsides after a few weeks. But if you still feel debilitating side effects after 2-3 ×weeks, definitely tell that to your psychiatrist and that you want off them or switch meds since it's not working. That's what I did, and I'm now getting my 5th med for depression, lol.

 

[Voidad]

How long have you been on them? Often, the increased anxiety subsides after a few weeks. But if you still feel debilitating side effects after 2-3 ×weeks, definitely tell that to your psychiatrist and that you want off them or switch meds since it's not working. That's what I did, and I'm now getting my 5th med for depression, lol.

I've had countless switches over the years. I always take the meds for at least one or two months. They just make me worse all the time.

 

[KillingPain267]

I've had countless switches over the years. I always take the meds for at least one or two months. They just make me worse all the time.

If you give them months each time and the side effects are too debilitating then you don't have to stay on them. Then maybe you could ask for other treatments or get on experimental like medically supervised microdosing of cannabis or ketamine, depending on your illnesses.