Being Vulnerable and Getting "Help"

[uienringptr]

I think I might be bipolar. I am not sure, but I have not slept more than 2 hours in the past 48 and I feel like I am doing everything and fixing my life and everything is going so well whereas 3 days ago I had not gotten out of bed for a week and was planning never to move again. So, since I am getting my life together (bipolar or not) I called for an assessment for an outpatient therapy program I have been in before. They asked me the usual questions and I told them as much as I felt comfortable telling them. I had to check what meds I was on so I went on the website/app thing and they have notes from every time I have been there and every thing that I have told them ever since I was 14.

They have notes on how I dressed and how I acted. They have notes on what my life was like. They even have notes that say I was given diagnosis I was never given. It feels... so gross and invasive and uncomfortable.

It's all in big therapist language with diagnosis and abbreviations and dates and times of when I told them all of the bad things in my head and it makes me want to cancel the appointment and not seek help again. I KNOW they have to do that. I know they have to write things down and keep their records straight. I know its not just them and its protocol and it's their job. I'm not complaining that they've done anything wrong but telling strangers what is going on and having them write notes to other strangers and analyze my behavior and my looks feels so shitty. It doesn't matter if I read the notes or not. I am aware that they are there and that they have to be there and they will always be there.

Getting help is so fucking hard.

 

[Life_and_Death]

having them write notes to other strangers

I cant see this. At least it shouldn't be. They have confidentiality rules to follow. If they color outside the line even so small you need a microscope to see it, they'll get fired. What you tell them stays with them (aside from when you switch therapists, then obviously more than 1 therapist will see it).

They even have notes that say I was given diagnosis I was never given.

It could just be a 'guess'. Just a direction for them to look into and not an official diagnosis. Maybe you could ask your therapist to be more open and to explain what's written in your file to put you at ease at least a little bit.

 

[timf]

There is an interesting video about bipolar 2 on youtube. This guy describes how he manages his using supplements like lithium orotate.



When you ask for help you risk people telling you things that may not be true. You have to be the one who decides what to try and what not. A lot of the therapy industry is based on looking professional, protecting themselves from lawsuits, and making money. There are still some who are actually helpful, but you have to be cautious with the others.

 

[LittleJem]

I hate it too. And they write notes I don't even get to see. It's dehumanising. Good luck with getting help.