being pitied

[nails]

no one genuinely cares about me. i'm not seen as an equal who's making others feel worried, i'm equivalent to some blind, deaf puppy that's just been hit by a car. the people around me see as a miserable sight, they do the bare minimum to make themselves feel better, and that's it. everyone looks down on me with pity, and i can't blame them. i'd view myself in the exact same way.
i'm something really pathetic, and of course, pitiful. i beg for love and break down easily, it's fucking shameful.
i try to appear strong, i do everything i can for others, but it's pointless. if you're pathetic, that shit will always find a way to show itself. i can't hide it.
i think i've always been seen this way. i'm sure people have genuinely cared in the past, but those people are gone and it's my fault.

i don't want to go to work tomorrow. i want to hang myself in my closet or down sn, but i know that's a dumb idea. i'm at a loss again

edit: i meant to post this somewhere else but idec

 

[BlockedintheUK]

sorry you are going through so much shit maybe you are just around shitty people and dont know it

 

[NoHorizon]

This is very relatable. It's a really horrible feeling when you deserve empathy and kindness and get this instead. Even people I thought cared about me at first quickly do their best to get out of how uncomfortable I make them feel.