being out in the woods at night is scary

[monetpompo]

my attempts usually involve me going to the woods when it's very dark outside. i've gone into the woods enough times to know i usually only see small animals, and most people wouldn't be prowling the woods on a random weekday (when i plan on doing it). i guess the atmosphere is just scary, and so is holding a flashlight since i'm anxious about drawing attention towards myself since i'm still close to home. me with a backpack and a flashlight in the middle of the night makes me look pretty conspicuous. the dark feels so big but also kind of claustrophobic, since it's so hard to see ahead of me.

going to the woods is just the only way i won't bother anyone with my ctb. i prefer to not listen to music since i want to listen to my footsteps while i'm walking. maybe it's more nerve wracking for me since i'm doing the whole thing on foot instead of just driving to the forest i plan on ctbing in. something that lead to me stopping my first attempt is just being scared of how pitch black the forest was and how it was hard for me to see the rope in front of me. i plan on going walking in nature more often to work on my nerves, but it feels so solitary to be walking on my own at night. i'm supposed to be far enough from people that they won't catch me, and for it to be late enough that no one will see me. has anyone else gotten nervous at their ctb location? in the day time it's just way less scary.

 

[getoutgirl]

Yup. One of my suicide locations was in the woods too. A wall of dirt with a leafy tree real close to it, so I was planning to bury myself behind it so I'd never be found. Spent a lot of nights there until I had a weird ass nightmare and never came back.

But one night was funny cos after really considering whether to start digging behind the tree right away, I decided to call a suicide hotline instead. And as I was rehearsing my speech phone in hand, I heard movement behind me, and there was a wild boar. And it looked at me for a second, guess it decided not to murder me, and darted off scared.
In retrospect it's kind of scary but then I was so suicidal and numb in general that I really didn't process it, I just went "Okay", paid no attention to it and dialed the hotline anyways. Which btw hung up on me after talking to them for like 5 mins, so that was a fun.

it kinda gets scary out there sometimes yeah. If you are used to doing a lot of late night-weird-place-walking it gets easier.
I'm real sorry you are still struggling with this and considering it btw :(
hugs <3

 

[purplesky9]

Have you gone as far making a noose and tying it to a tree yet.

 

[Satori Komeiji]

A couple years ago I used to go on walks in the middle of the night in complete darkness outside of the weak flashlight my phone had. I live in the middle of nowhere so I can just walk on the roads without ever seeing a car. I kind of miss doing that. For some reason now that I'm older I feel more paranoid doing stuff like that. I think being in the woods would skyrocket my anxiety. I'm sure over time though it becomes relaxing. Hopefully it will become relaxing for you as well.

 

[monetpompo]

I heard movement behind me, and there was a wild boar. And it looked at me for a second, guess it decided not to murder me, and darted off scared.

waughh!!!!! boar!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah on my first attempt i saw some dog thing and i shined my flashlight at it which scared it. i wasn't numb like you since i'm super scared of dogs so i was like "i gotta get OUT of here". i was also texting someone that responded to my suicide note and i was like "i don't want to go back home if i'm already here". the dog is the main thing that made me leave the forest lol. when i was making my way back to the entrance i was like "i can't see shit in front of me even though my flashlight is on.... how do i see anything...."

it kinda gets scary out there sometimes yeah. If you are used to doing a lot of late night-weird-place-walking it gets easier.
I'm real sorry you are still struggling with this and considering it btw :(

thank you for caring getoutgirl. i go yippeeeee when i see your username (i swear)
you've been reading my posts since i got here and i think that's really cool even though i say so much embarrassing stuff that i think doesn't make sense

A couple years ago I used to go on walks in the middle of the night in complete darkness outside of the weak flashlight my phone had. I live in the middle of nowhere so I can just walk on the roads without ever seeing a car. I kind of miss doing that. For some reason now that I'm older I feel more paranoid doing stuff like that.

back in highschool (so like, 4 years) i used to go on walks every single day out of complete boredom. and i loved doing it with my phone flashlight too. i would just walk in a direction until i got tired or bored then walk all the way back home, and my parents would never know i even left the house. these days my mom is like "where you going? where are you going?" whenever i ever leave the house or i'm dressed to leave the house, which really annoys me a lot. for some reason i got more paranoid since i just have a more developed sense of anxiety now, since i didn't really care about anything back when i was younger. but i still really doubt that i would get murdered by anyone while walking in the woods or outside in general since i used to walk so frequently when i was younger. maybe i had no real sense of danger yet. being alone at night with trees leaves over your head making it darker makes me super anxious. i just want to listen for noises and constantly look around.

Have you gone as far making a noose and tying it to a tree yet.

yur. i just scamper away because it gets dark out and i get anxious about my attempt if i spend too much time deliberating on it while at my ctb location. i can tie a noose to a tree pretty calmly but then i'm just like, "someone might find me and i won't have control over it" or "i can screw up the rope knot and not have it tight enough". things like that make me want to back out and go back home.

 

[purplesky9]

What knots do you use?

 

[Satori Komeiji]

back in highschool (so like, 4 years) i used to go on walks every single day out of complete boredom. and i loved doing it with my phone flashlight too. i would just walk in a direction until i got tired or bored then walk all the way back home, and my parents would never know i even left the house. these days my mom is like "where you going? where are you going?" whenever i ever leave the house or i'm dressed to leave the house, which really annoys me a lot. for some reason i got more paranoid since i just have a more developed sense of anxiety now, since i didn't really care about anything back when i was younger. but i still really doubt that i would get murdered by anyone while walking in the woods or outside in general since i used to walk so frequently when i was younger. i just don't like the dark as much as i used to when i was younger. being alone at night with trees leaves over your head making it darker makes me super anxious.

Yeah same here. I know for certain my anxiety went from rarely an issue as a teen to quite developed as an adult. So I guess that would result in me being more scared of the dark now than I was before. I just distinctly remember going outside at midnight one time and it must have been a new moon or something because it was pitch black everywhere. I enjoyed it a lot back then but I don't know if I would enjoy it now. I also get irritated when people want to know where I'm going. Sometimes I just lie and say I'm going to the grocery store. I don't even really have a good reason to lie in that situation. I guess I just enjoy being all mysterious and such :)

 

[Pluto]

 

[monetpompo]

I just distinctly remember going outside at midnight one time and it must have been a new moon or something because it was pitch black everywhere.

i keep a lunar moon phase widget on my phone and when i would still go on night walks i'd make an effort to go outside to see the full moon. i just really liked the full moon because i liked the blue moonlight. maybe back then i still wanted to see in front of me, too. sometimes i get sad when there's a new moon because i look around for the moon when i'm outside and see that it isn't there. i don't like it being completely dark outside, but i like being small, cramped spaces when i'm at home like under my bed or in my closet since it kind of makes me feel safe. when i shut my closet door and turn off the light it gets really dark and it makes me feel calmer than me just closing my eyes.

 

[Satori Komeiji]

i keep a lunar moon phase widget on my phone and when i would still go on night walks i'd make an effort to go outside to see the full moon. i just really liked the full moon because i liked the blue moonlight. maybe back then i still wanted to see in front of me, too. sometimes i get sad when there's a new moon because i look around for the moon when i'm outside and see that it isn't there. i don't like it being completely dark outside, but i like being small, cramped spaces when i'm at home like under my bed or in my closet since it kind of makes me feel safe. when i shut my closet door and turn off the light it gets really dark and it makes me feel calmer than me just closing my eyes.

Oh yeah that reminds me I actually did go on a nightly walk a couple of months ago. It was just a super short walk though to the river. I wanted to see how the river looked reflected in the moonlight because it was a full moon. My closet is basically a bed, mattress included. Sometimes I sleep in there although the mattress isn't very thick so you have to pad it down with blankets and pillows if you don't want to feel sore in the morning.
View attachment moonlight.mp4
Okay I thought it was a couple months ago but it was actually almost a year ago. Where does the time go..? It's hard to make out anything in the video but :)

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Okay I thought it was a couple months ago but it was actually almost a year ago. Where does the time go..? It's hard to make out anything in the video but :)

"Okay I thought it was a couple months ago but it was actually almost a year ago. Where does the time go..? "

that's another reason why life is meaningless and a scam , on top of other reasons. the years fly by and then you're old and then die . nobody thinks about this. i've tested many times with myself and others , it's very difficult to tell did a few months pass or years or did this happen 2 years or 4 years ago: so those 2 years it's like it didn't exist . but they tell us we can't exit that we have to risk extreme torture work like a slave every day etc for what ? for fleeting crap that will pass very fast then you die and really don't remember any of that garbage.

 

[getoutgirl]

I like this turned into a late-night walking appreciation thread.
I've done that a lot too. Specially when I was really sad or just couldn't sleep. 5am walking the fields. Lived in the middle of nowhere too so you can really just pick a random direction and start walking to the horizon. That or the roads, which you can see cars coming from a long distance so you can edge that deathwish while walking and then step aside with more than enough time. Did that a lot.
so here is some more appreciation pics I took months ago from these walks. Keep that vibe alive. Also, I can't say I've reached a point of being scared of walking in the dark, I think listening to music helps.

Spoiler: pics

Spoiler: also, a fox I found one day and fed ham to

 

[Satori Komeiji]

"Okay I thought it was a couple months ago but it was actually almost a year ago. Where does the time go..? "

that's another reason why life is meaningless and a scam , on top of other reasons. the years fly by and then you're old and then die . nobody thinks about this. i've tested many times with myself and others , it's very difficult to tell did a few months pass or years or did this happen 2 years or 4 years ago: so those 2 years it's like it didn't exist . but they tell us we can't exit that we have to risk extreme torture work like a slave every day etc for what ? for fleeting crap that will pass very fast then you die and really don't remember any of that garbage.

Somewhat related to this, I have always thought of the "Time flies by fast when you're having fun" principle to be a cruel joke by life. When life is good it doesn't even last all that long but when I'm at work every hour feels like an eternity.

I like this turned into a late-night walking appreciation thread.

I hope monetpompo doesn't mind us taking over his thread :o Where ever you're located is much more flat than where I am! You can basically never see the horizon here. Nothing but trees and hills. And your fox friend is very cute :)