Venting Being mentally stunted, unable to connect

[StrawberryRed]

When I was younger I never talked , even when spoken to. I think I was selectively mute. I also moved alot, and have a very disconnected family. Because of this I missed out on a lot basic milestones, and socializing, stuff like that. I also think I'm autistic. I am fully convinced my brain is behind developmentally, that I'm operating below average. Like this cant be the same brain everyone else is working with, in fact I know it not, I don't learnto spell my name until I was like 9. That's not normal. Im have to be stunted mentally or smthn. I cant procces emotions or think as critically or just shut the fuck up for once. My self control is basically nonexistent. I cant ever just act fucking normal. I try but it never seems good enough. People always tell me I can off strange or scary or intimdating or offputting. Idk what to do about it , I'm trying really. It just never works. The rejection makes me feel so bad that I've gone so far as to just avoid other people completely. I cant handle living the same cycle over and over again. I was thinking abou this because I'm realizing these people I'm friends might just be pretending to like me. Before it goes any further I just want to shut it done, cut them off and everyone else too just to make sure. I wish I could live on island or smthn never have to speak ( or force someone to listen to me ) again.

 

[8leveloquenfrn4evr8]

That sounds rough, hopefully others with the same problem will befriend you online.

Maybe you have hidden qualities that are not part of talking. Just imagine how much worse it might be for all the people who were not born with the new opposable thumb of being able to do certain applied maths really well. Unless those people are really advantaged in some other way they might as well be put down asap since they will never develop any powers in the new economies. And they would do well to voluntarily have themselves sterilized so that no other inferior hominids are created and drop shipped into an environment they don't belong in.

 

[StrawberryRed]

That sounds rough, hopefully others with the same problem will befriend you online.

Maybe you have hidden qualities that are not part of talking. Just imagine how much worse it might be for all the people who were not born with the new opposable thumb of being able to do certain applied maths really well. Unless those people are really advantaged in some other way they might as well be put down asap since they will never develop any powers in the new economies. And they would do well to voluntarily have themselves sterilized so that no other inferior hominids are created and drop shipped into an environment they don't belong in.

? I cant tell if this is supposed to be an analogy. I am very good at Maths, thank you.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I relate to this so damn much, but the difference between you and me is that I had to get some help and I was around 8, I believe, not really talking to people besides myself, and I was always learning words and experiencing life, but I was very fundamentally aware of who I am. I was also 14 when I was made to talk but I wished to have done so much earlier, but I struggled because I didn't relate to anyone. I think the situation you may be dealing with is a learning disability like I, as I was much slower than my sisters, especially academically an dI never got checked for it, spelling was so hard for me, too, and I tried, but it couldn't get better, until I felt safe to learn on ym own, and I'm sharing this because it will happen with us feeling or being slightly disconnected and discontented with the severity of life, but the moment we recognize our surroundings, peace, and see who we are and how things are, we find the means to grow past the hurdles, and I am still so behind, despite being where I am, as I still lack self awareness of situations, but I have to remind myself I was neglected too, and learning things is so much harder when you never felt encouraged through it, and most isn't even realistically our own damn fault to begin with.

I wished I still was plagued by not developing, because I met awful people in the process when I was out in the open, so I will just say, you being aware, despite struggling is so sublimely beautiful and I appreciate you sharing and putting forth the efofort you have despite this condition that bring sun down (':