Awkward Situation

[Poptart]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year.

In the beginning we would get super drunk and tell each other secrets.

One day he told me (I THINK I WAS DRUNK) that he and his sister would fool around in the bathroom as teens and he slept with his sisters friends.

Forward to now. And the sister is visiting with her 4 kids.

And I feel jealous and uncomfortable. I mean, this is his half sister. Surely there is nothing sexual there.

But it feels like Im having dinner with his ex girlfriend.

The worst thing is that I was drunk and couldve misremembered it. Plus, I dont want to ask my boyfriend if he fucked his sister.

I dont feel like I can endure 2 weeks of her.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Awkward is right!

I have to question why he told you that.

On the one hand, it could have been drunk confession.

On the other hand, if he's at all creepy, then that's a greenlighting tactic. In other words, doing or saying something that sends up a red flag to see if the other person will accept/override it, and then move forward with things that raise greater red flags.

If you get zero creep factor from him, then I think communication is important and would bring it up. He may not remember telling you, and he might. But it's understandable that you feel uncomfortable having his ex around, because in a way she is.

I pick up on creep factor because he does not seem to have healthy boundaries and in fact seems to get off on crossing them. Not only did he cross the taboo line with his half-sister (not step, but half), but he also crossed the boundaries of her friendships.

TL;DR

And I feel jealous and uncomfortable. I mean, this is his half sister.

Listen to this above all else! This is your gut and discomfort trying to protect you!

Surely there is nothing sexual there.

I sense you're trying to rationalize. Throughout the post, it seems you're trying to give the greenlight to override your jealousy and discomfort that he introduced.

I highly recommend reading the Manipulation Tactics thread in Off Topic, especially the first post and the post that lists the characteristics manipulators use to their advantage, such as rationalizing/intellectualizing. I think he's someone to get away from.

Sending compassion. Glad you listened to your gut and reached out. I know it's difficult, I know it may be hard to accept what I've said because then you might blame yourself or beat yourself up. But you can't know what you don't know, and the burden is on the one doing the manipulating. He is conscious of what he's done and is doing by bringing her around. Based on hard-won experience, I wouldn't ask him, I wouldn't explain anything to him, I would get him out of my life without a word (or with a lie if needed) and maintain permanent no contact, no matter what he tried to get me to communicate with him, take him back, or retaliate.

I highly recommend the books In Sheep's Clothing and Boundaries. In that order.