Venting As Honest As I Can Ever Be

[KattinKai!]

I'm not human. I'm not good. Nobody treats me like a good person, or a person in general. I just want to be treated as human, not a doll, not an actor, but a person. But at the same time, I don't because it's pointless to wish for something that's not coming. So this is what I am. Non-human. Not even treated as such. Nobody wants to make simple conversation with me. I wish I was never born. I wish I was never born. I really wish I was aborted if this is how my life is. So after consideration, I am ending it after all.

 

[orvreader]

I wish you luck in your future endeavours, but it's not like nobody wants to make simple conversation with you specifically. Say, how is the weather over there?

 

[KattinKai!]

I wish you luck in your future endeavours, but it's not like nobody wants to make simple conversation with you specifically. Say, how is the weather over there?

Cold. I plan to end it on January 8th-14th

 

[orvreader]

Cold. I plan to end it on January 8th-14th

Oh it's the opposite for me, it's tropical here and I can't go outside without wearing sunscreen lol, although I don't plan to go outside. Our dates are similar though, my next attempt is probably going to be in January after preparing a little more than I have been preparing before. But in your case, why 8th-14th January specifically?

 

[KattinKai!]

Oh it's the opposite for me, it's tropical here and I can't go outside without wearing sunscreen lol, although I don't plan to go outside. Our dates are similar though, my next attempt is probably going to be in January after preparing a little more than I have been preparing before. But in your case, why 8th-14th January specifically?

It's after my girlfriend's birthday. I want her to have the best birthday ever before I go, and maybe even make a few pieces of something

 

[orvreader]

It's after my girlfriend's birthday. I want her to have the best birthday ever before I go, and maybe even make a few pieces of something

Does she treat you as non-human as well? If so, you shouldn't care that much about her, no? If not, then you have someone who treats you as a person; which I think is better than everyone treating you decently, because it makes it far more special, right?

 

[KattinKai!]

Does she treat you as non-human as well? If so, you shouldn't care that much about her, no? If not, then you have someone who treats you as a person; which I think is better than everyone treating you decently, because it makes it far more special, right?

I'm not going to think like that. I know she loves me. There's just some things I can't say.

 

[orvreader]

I'm not going to think like that. I know she loves me. There's just some things I can't say.

That's fair, but there are also things she deserves to know as someone who loves you; and it's not like you'd magically be unable to CTB after saying some things.

 

[KattinKai!]

That's fair, but there are also things she deserves to know as someone who loves you; and it's not like you'd magically be unable to CTB after saying some things.

What could I even say? If I say too much, I fear the worst.

 

[orvreader]

What could I even say? If I say too much, I fear the worst.

Just start talking, maybe about how you want her to have the best birthday before you resolutely CTB, or something. What you're actually saying doesn't matter that much at the start, what matters is that you're starting to talk at all.

 

[dontletthembribeyou]

Same, I feel like people see me as some kind of pest or vermin and not a human being with feelings

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Once in a while this reminds of the Book of Job (and NO this is not a dumb trick to make anyone look at the Bible). Chapter 3. He wishes he'd never been born and puts it poetically. For example:

May the day I was born be wiped out.
May the night be wiped away when people said, 'A boy is born!'
May that day turn into darkness.
May God in heaven not care about it.
May no light shine on it.
May gloom and total darkness take it back.
May a cloud settle over it.
May blackness cover it up.
May deep darkness take over the night I was born.
May it not be included among the days of the year.
May it never appear in any of the months.
...
Why didn't I die when I was born?
Why didn't I die as I came out of my mother's body?
...
Why should those who suffer ever be born?
Why should life be given to those whose spirits are bitter?
Why is life given to those who long for death that doesn't come?
Why is it given to those who would rather search for death
than for hidden treasure?
Why is life given to those who are actually happy and glad
when they reach the grave?

 

[KattinKai!]

Just start talking, maybe about how you want her to have the best birthday before you resolutely CTB, or something. What you're actually saying doesn't matter that much at the start, what matters is that you're starting to talk at all.

I could. I just hope it doesn't say too much