Venting As a highly sensitive man, life is especially difficult

[RainyAfternoon]

I've always had high emotional sensitivity, which has made dating extremely difficult for me.

A few weeks ago, I went on a first date with girl. She was interesting, unique, and had a lot in common with me. The date seemed to be going well; she invited me to her house and ended up initiating kissing me and cuddling very intimately. The next morning, I told her I wanted to see her again, and to my surprise she sent me a rather scathing and insulting rejection message. This gave me so much emotional whiplash that I crashed hard. It felt like a shock to my brain. In the weeks since this event, my body has been going through the same physical/mental trauma that I would typically have after a difficult breakup. I've been extremely depressed, hopeless, unable to eat, etc. All of this from someone that I saw for 3 hours and didn't even know existed until now.

Logically I know that this is an irrational response, but I can't change the way I respond emotionally to these sorts of things.
I've had 3 breakups in the last 2 years, plus a fair share of rejections. All of which have left their traumatic emotional mark on me.

I also get similar reactions to social situations where I feel like I've treated someone poorly and haven't reconciled. For example, after getting angry with a coworker or friend and not having the opportunity to apologize and talk it out. Any unresolved conflict like this weighs on me forever.

Another side-effect of being highly sensitive is that I cry easily in various situations, including:
- After breaking or damaging something
- After losing something
- Returning purchases (this one doesn't make sense to me but I feel a lot of emotional pain when I have to do this)
- When my houseplants are not doing well
- During intimate cuddling/kissing with someone
- While watching emotional movies or listening to emotional music
- When imagining the act of CTB

Being emotional as a man is frowned upon by society. Even though people say it's a good thing to be sensitive, the reality is that people are not very supportive of highly sensitive men.
Several of my past girlfriends have told me they found it unattractive when I cried in front of them.

I don't know, it's just how I am and unfortunately it isn't something I have much control over.

 

[fromange]

That sucks :/ I admire and am kinda jealous of how you're in touch with your emotions. But I can only say that as someone that isn't like that. Women rejecting you for it is wild. Such hypocrites. I'm sorry the recent person rejected you as well. Connecting with someone again and getting left is my biggest fear. I don't think it's irrational.

 

[snooperdooper]

Being something society rejects is especially hard. Know you're not one bit less of a man because you cry or feel. Every man does that, they just shove it down deeper into their soul more than you do.

 

[sideways_spiral]

Being emotional as a man is frowned upon by society. Even though people say it's a good thing to be sensitive, the reality is that people are not very supportive of highly sensitive men.

I relate to this hard. I feel like I see many people saying they want a sensitive man, but they aren't ready for the reality.

In my life, I've found that my sensitivity has been both a blessing and a curse. It's made me more empathetic and caring. But it can also challenge my ability to set emotional boundaries and to recover from rejection and loss. I'm trying to refine this quality in myself so that it brings more benefit with less damage. But the struggle is real. Learning about attachment theory helped me understand a lot of my reactions in relationships.

I think it's a great quality that you're so in touch with your emotions. The hard part is feeling them without letting them pull you in every direction. Sending you strength for the journey!

 

[EmptyBottle]

I'm surprised that she sent such a message almost out of the blue.... vs a simple "no".

 

[hoppybunny]

I've always had high emotional sensitivity, which has made dating extremely difficult for me.

A few weeks ago, I went on a first date with girl. She was interesting, unique, and had a lot in common with me. The date seemed to be going well; she invited me to her house and ended up initiating kissing me and cuddling very intimately. The next morning, I told her I wanted to see her again, and to my surprise she sent me a rather scathing and insulting rejection message. This gave me so much emotional whiplash that I crashed hard. It felt like a shock to my brain. In the weeks since this event, my body has been going through the same physical/mental trauma that I would typically have after a difficult breakup. I've been extremely depressed, hopeless, unable to eat, etc. All of this from someone that I saw for 3 hours and didn't even know existed until now.

Logically I know that this is an irrational response, but I can't change the way I respond emotionally to these sorts of things.
I've had 3 breakups in the last 2 years, plus a fair share of rejections. All of which have left their traumatic emotional mark on me.

I also get similar reactions to social situations where I feel like I've treated someone poorly and haven't reconciled. For example, after getting angry with a coworker or friend and not having the opportunity to apologize and talk it out. Any unresolved conflict like this weighs on me forever.

Another side-effect of being highly sensitive is that I cry easily in various situations, including:
- After breaking or damaging something
- After losing something
- Returning purchases (this one doesn't make sense to me but I feel a lot of emotional pain when I have to do this)
- When my houseplants are not doing well
- During intimate cuddling/kissing with someone
- While watching emotional movies or listening to emotional music
- When imagining the act of CTB

Being emotional as a man is frowned upon by society. Even though people say it's a good thing to be sensitive, the reality is that people are not very supportive of highly sensitive men.
Several of my past girlfriends have told me they found it unattractive when I cried in front of them.

I don't know, it's just how I am and unfortunately it isn't something I have much control over.

I'm not a man but I'm a pretty sensitive person. I get physically stressed and sick during online arguments. And i just want to say so sorry about what happened.

My brother is also a sensitive person and it pains me to see how ppl treat him. Im general I think being a sensitive person makes people want to step on you and mistreat you.

But then for men for some reason there's an added layer of digust i can never understand.

I hope the world can become a kinder place

That sucks :/ I admire and am kinda jealous of how you're in touch with your emotions. But I can only say that as someone that isn't like that. Women rejecting you for it is wild. Such hypocrites. I'm sorry the recent person rejected you as well. Connecting with someone again and getting left is my biggest fear. I don't think it's irrational.

I feel that most women who say they like sensitive men aren't the same women that react negatively to a sensitve man.

It's usually conservative women who want "a man that takes charge" that act that way. But most women who are comfortable with sensitive men are active online.


So it's a case of overrepresentation in the online space.

Kinda like how most ppl online have mental illness because online is easier for us than irl. Even though a majority of ppl irl are mentally healthy and barely use social media or interact in online spaces.

 

[martyrdom]

I think it's only frowned upon for us men to be emotional because women are viewed automatically by default as the oversensitive, irrational, hysterical sex. Not because their emotions are taken seriously either.

I will say it's definitely possible to find women who can appreciate your sensitivity. I'm not nearly as sensitive as you are, but pretty much all of my past girlfriends found it attractive when I cried or communicated distress in a "he's in touch with his emotions" type of way.

 

[BeyondSurvival]

It's very painful trying to heal from lost connections as a sensitive man. It's probably the biggest reason my dating life sucks, but I'm trying to get better at it.

 

[setspiritfree]

I've always had high emotional sensitivity, which has made dating extremely difficult for me.

A few weeks ago, I went on a first date with girl. She was interesting, unique, and had a lot in common with me. The date seemed to be going well; she invited me to her house and ended up initiating kissing me and cuddling very intimately. The next morning, I told her I wanted to see her again, and to my surprise she sent me a rather scathing and insulting rejection message. This gave me so much emotional whiplash that I crashed hard. It felt like a shock to my brain. In the weeks since this event, my body has been going through the same physical/mental trauma that I would typically have after a difficult breakup. I've been extremely depressed, hopeless, unable to eat, etc. All of this from someone that I saw for 3 hours and didn't even know existed until now.

Logically I know that this is an irrational response, but I can't change the way I respond emotionally to these sorts of things.
I've had 3 breakups in the last 2 years, plus a fair share of rejections. All of which have left their traumatic emotional mark on me.

I also get similar reactions to social situations where I feel like I've treated someone poorly and haven't reconciled. For example, after getting angry with a coworker or friend and not having the opportunity to apologize and talk it out. Any unresolved conflict like this weighs on me forever.

Another side-effect of being highly sensitive is that I cry easily in various situations, including:
- After breaking or damaging something
- After losing something
- Returning purchases (this one doesn't make sense to me but I feel a lot of emotional pain when I have to do this)
- When my houseplants are not doing well
- During intimate cuddling/kissing with someone
- While watching emotional movies or listening to emotional music
- When imagining the act of CTB

Being emotional as a man is frowned upon by society. Even though people say it's a good thing to be sensitive, the reality is that people are not very supportive of highly sensitive men.
Several of my past girlfriends have told me they found it unattractive when I cried in front of them.

I don't know, it's just how I am and unfortunately it isn't something I have much control over.

Listen man, my dad was a US Marine Vietnam vet who was the strongest man I ever knew but he was also the most kind, compassionate, loving man I knew as well. He showed me it was okay to be those things and still be a man. There is a difference between a cry baby and someone who cries because they are passionate about something. Like me and my dad would cry watching Marley and me or whatever because we both love dogs. I guess maybe a cry baby would be something like if you stubbed your toe or whatever. Kind of being facetious there but you get the point. That is just my two cents anyway.

 

[RainyAfternoon]

Thanks for the supportive words everyone. I don't have anyone else to share this with, so it's nice to feel understood for once.